Why is it that EVERY SINGLE PERSON to ever get into a fight in an action movie knows Karate, Kung Fu, Jeet Kune Do, Kenpo and Tae Kwon Do?

I just accidentally watched the not-so-good movie, Blade 2 and found that vampires should always wear martial arts uniforms and they should bow to each other at the beginning of each scene.

It appears that the mere act of becoming a vampire imbues one with superhuman martial arts abilities and an innate knowledge of various weapons and explosives.

Another thing...

The Matrix totally fucking ruined filmmaking, as these fucking unoriginal directors ALWAYS use that fucking rotoscoped film technique that they called "bullet time" in The Matrix. I am totally sick of seeing someone suspended in air with the fucking camera rotating around them...

Damn, I am grouchy.

Here babe, you need this.

Also every villain or villains lackey cannot hit the broad side of a barn even when equipped with uzis and a goddamned bazooka...but the good guy takes out everyone with one shot everytime. And if they do happen to get shot its always just a flesh wound, or in the shoulder and they always take it in stride smoking a cigarette. Getting shot is like Eddie Murphy said.."oh shit Im shot! Im shot!You betta not leave me muthafucka!!". Thats why I like Resevoir Dogs...because it shows what really happens when you get shot. Heard the same thing happens in Saving Private ERyan.
[This message was edited Fri Oct 18 9:45:20 PDT 2002 by rdhull]

If you want to see real and authentic martial arts go and rent Rudy Ray Moore Dolemite movies.

lol. So true.

rdhull said:

you guys are pure comdemy.

IceNine said:

Awww...sorry you're grouchy Ice...But, I do agree with you about the "bullet time" thing...it's been run into the ground...when I saw it in "Shrek" that just pushed me over the edge...

I think Mr. Snugglekins agrees too...he's really mad about that!




Also, it's best to avoid "accidentally" watching bad movies...that would make anybody crabby.

Also in every Bond movie the villain has to have Bond tied up in a straight jacket, explain his plan to Bond, then have low I.Q. goons "take Bond to a remote are so he has time to escape and foil every fuckin thang before we can kill him". All these so called intelligent villains have the means to rule the world and elaborate fortresses but they cant put a fuckin bullit in Bond right then and there? If I was the villain I'd plug his ass and say after, "shaken, not stirred my ass, bitch"...nah...Id do the same speech all the egotistical villains do, giving Bond a chance
[This message was edited Fri Oct 18 9:51:27 PDT 2002 by rdhull]

Also:

EVERYONE seems to be able to take about 4.9 million punches and keep getting up for more... and jumping all over the joint doing martial arts moves while constructing a time machine out of left over bullet casings with their left hand while adroitly avoiding attacks from the 18 other attackers who joined in the battle.

If these guys would just get into boxing instead of crime or law enforcement, they could be world champions!!!

Where the hell do the loud clapping sounds come from when a person hits or kick another person? I've seen fights in real life and i've never heard those loud claps when people fight.

IceNine said:

yeah kiddo...whats wrong? youve been shooting turds all around the org...

Has the cancellation of Cheers finally caught up to you?

Or are you disgusted by Vanilla Coke?

Or is it the lack of meat in your diet?


Cheer up mate...Its the weekend!!!

IceNine said:

Yeah! And they take hits to the face ..bend down, get back up, take another shot to the chin, fall down, get kicked in the neck, stomach...guy who did the beating walks away, beat up guy gets up and attacks with freshness like nothing ever happened and beats the other guy up...getting pucnhed-kicked in the stomach is body stopping.

SkletonKee said:

I think that all the ridiculous political conspiracy theories combined with very bad action films has made me grouchy...

I think that I will now go out and crucify every dandelion in the back yard.

rdhull said:

Yep... getting kicked in the stomach sucks really bad... especially when you are not prepared for it. Guys in these movies get kicked in the fucking HEAD 15 or 16 times and just hop right up to whip the ass off of a crowd of commandos and mercenaries.

Also... most fights on the street last about 1 minute... these movie fights are fucking EPIC!!!

Now now. You're right about some of this stuff for poorly made action movies, but don't go blaming the Matrix for the bullet-time thing. That was a totally new approach, very innovative and very cool when it first came out. Blame the movies that copied the Matrix. Copy-cats are what makes that fake Hollywood world go round.

See:

Antz vs. A Bugs Life
Deep Impact vs Armageddon
The Ring vs. Ringhu
Scream vs I know What You Did
Scream 2 vs. I still know what you did
Most Hollywood films vs. original films that got way less exposure.

It's sickening, but the originals are not the ones to blame.

savoirfaire said:

I actually don't blame The Matrix for the sins of the billions of copycats... I really do wish that particular effect had never been invented though... I am so tired of seeing it...

Just to keep with the idea of this thread:

I am also sick of fighting scenes done with the actors on wires so that they can do 43 flips and fly around the joint... who out there has EVER found this to be believable?

Or...howzabout this:

When 247 bad guys all surround the one single good guy...and instead of just bum-rushing the fool, they all stand around and wait their turn to get their ass kicked!!..While Bruce or Jackie are busy screwin' up their buddy, the other 2,000 bad guys behind them are all standin' around watchin'...fuck that, mob his boney ass and do an L.A. police department on him...

Also...does EVERY fight need to include someone bein' tossed thru a closed window??...and the person who's unlucky enough to be thrown thru the window rarely, if ever, has any cuts on his body!!...

wellbeyond said:

LOL yes...and even though the guy takes on 200 guys one by one he never gets tired and is able to beat everyone else who is still fresh...just like Eddie said in Raw.."I'll kick your ass in my movie but in a nightclub..."

How do you know that they are a 3rd Degree BlackBelt?

there's other thing in movies that bother me too.

When women are running away from monsters and the like, why do they always look round/trip up/keep their high heels on/run upstairs?

If you were trying to get away from something horrible, going up is obviously the worst direction to go.

And why is the brother always the first one to go.In Jurassic Park the brotha died SECONDS after the credits came up.In the movie "the people beneath the stairs" i was sure li'l brotha was going to get it.The movie SUCKED but i will always remember it because he SUVIVED THE WHOLE MOVIE.

4LOVE said:

That simply isn't true.Think LL in 'Deep Blue Sea',the black guy in 'Halloween H20', there's loads more! if there's a black guy in it he'll either live or at least die a heroic death.

Thecherryloon said:

That's in the last ten years,almost everything before then the brotha goes,with the exception of night of the livin dead and a few others.

Whut kind of movie would it be IF the HERO kept gettin
that ass beat???

4LOVE said:

YEEEP!!!
was a time it just didn't pay to be THE BLACK GUY

The obvious anwer is bcause it looks better, just like the unblievable car/xplosion/sex/whatever scenes. But i'm guessing u knew that and weren't looking 4 the obvious answer.

Oh, and i'm more bothered these days by the 'change the camera angle very quickly and decrease the granularity of the picture' close-up fights 2 cover up that no real fighting is going on, ala The Gladiator or Minority Report.

00769BAD said:

The black guy was like the "6th" crew member on star trek.

4LOVE said:

"this is our NEW terafirm tech. Lt.COL. Green, he'll be
goin down with us on this ROUTEEN check of the surface."
"... OH GOD, IT'S GOT GREEN..."

IceNine said:

Must be the new avatar. It doesn't give the favourable feeling that the old one did psychologically, and that reflects upon your posts. Bring the old avatar back.