ThreadBare said:

but she's human isn't she? just how different can it be?
I'm gonna need a 5 point summary of that book to explain the differences, since up until yesterday I didn't even know there were any!

ThreadBare said:

same at my place, HE is always trying to get me to tell him how I feel

ZombieKitten said:

mushy talks can be overrated! Sometimes you need to just figure things out for yourself first

thekidsgirl said:

I see. A SpaceMaker...

thekidsgirl said:

the problem with me is my feelings can swing wildly from one extreme to the other, if he forces me to come out with it, I might say something I will not agree with the next day even it would really start something I don't want to keep going with!

ThreadBare said:

is this from your love talks book?

ZombieKitten said:

From Black & Decker.

I'd say I have a few friendships that are far more intimate than any romantic relationship I've had. Because there have been years to build up that intimacy. Like family, they've seen my best and my absolute worst and they're still around for more. While I would never consciously take advantage there is comfort there, that if I mess up they'll be around to help me out. Not even help, just that they'll still be around.

ZombieKitten said:

I can relate to that...I hate saying something in the moment, and regretting it later

thekidsgirl said:

yeah, especially when in my mind I might be making a mountain out of a molehill that I know is nothing in the scheme of things, and once I say it, I can't take it back!!!

For me, I think it's a sense of being understood, of not having to try to be someone else, and an ability to share and discuss very personal, even spiritual, experiences. Not feeling rushed is a big deal for me...so if I feel I can get time and space with a person. And if someone loves the same things I do in a deep way. If someone loves nature, for instance, and can dedicate themselves to that love, I can feel intimate with them, even if I don't know them very well. I constantly crave dialogue to explore subtle things, and that's hard to find. And I love the intimacy of daily routine. Someone who cares that you picked up looseleaf paper at the store...



I'm an intimacy addict.

ThreadBare said:

I listened to an e-seminar about this once.

Here are the five love languages:

1.Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving/Giving gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch


For instance...someone mentioned cuddling as an act of intimacy. I tend to get bored cuddling, (if that's all that's going on) so it's probably not a love language I speak so well. I'm a HUGE fan of quality time, however.

"Into me I see."

Mariska Hargitay

Intimacy: the price men pay for pussy

SCNDLS said:

doesn't sound very intimate to me...

Ace said:

it's the same thing, yes

heartbeatocean said:

Byron told me about this....apparently his marriage therapist told him these are the ways we show love and that each of us are different in as far as what ones are the most important to us ...what ones make us feel the most loved ...for me it would Acts (showing me by the way u act that u love me) then words (the acts prove the words to me), then touch and time would proberly be equal followed lastly by gifts (the ones that mean the most to me are the gifts that represent the giver...a piece of them)
[Edited 1/29/09 21:12pm]

i think sleeping next to someone is a good example of it.

it's allowing yourself to be vulenerable

ThreadBare said:

And an anticipation.

Think light, bruh.

...And your answer comes closest to mine. I think intimacy is a shared state of utter, unmitigated closeness -- free of artifice, scorn, obligation, judgement or guile. It's simply being, and allowing another person to experience it.
[Edited 1/29/09 21:55pm]

I think allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the key. It can happen with strangers in a unique moment. Two hearts beating with the same measure for the briefest of time ~ or it can take years to nurture.

MoonSongs said:

So true. And when this happens, isn't it such an unexpected beauty?

This may sound weird, but I think there's something downright divine in the comfort two random strangers may have on, say, an overcrowded subway train. I stood so close to a woman today that we could probably have counted one another's eyelashes -- and there was absolutely nothing unsettling about it. It was like standing close to a sister. (Because that's exactly what it was, I think.)

It's interesting how in certain instances when we can't rely on social constructs established to separate us, we occasionally revert to a workable humanity.

...But that sort of thing is fleeting.

Ace said:

I really think there is something to that. I truely believe that you can not really love someone else unless you love yourself first.

Lammastide said:

Divine is a good way to state it. It can't be anticipated, scripted or captured. Makes me feel so alive when it occurs.

ZombieKitten said:

Same here as well.

I think some men look at silence as a sign of passivism(even if they don't admit it) they get afraid that if we keep getting quite we might end up bottling up stuff OR get the impression that WE think they're being careless about our feelings, which of course ain't always true.

I can't speak for everybody, but in my case, I'm more of a thinker 1st, talker 2nd,,,,,I might not open up the minute you ask me to, but eventually I'll tell you whats on my mind. Just don't try to force it outta me

It really boils down to patience, thats what I'm trying to say but to be honest? I love it when he does that, even if I look like I'm being nagged

And to answer this thread's ?uestion....

Intimacy to me is,,,,,complete trust & lack of pretense. I can honestly say that I'm there and yes I love it,,,,even though it scared me @ 1st, because any overly self-protective person won't give in to that feeling easily.
[Edited 1/30/09 2:06am]

intimacy is audibly farting in the presence of another and not feelin embarassed or any need to apologise

Laying in bed with the lights off wrapped up in each others arms and talking until we both fall asleep.

heartbeatocean said:

Illusion.

ehuffnsd said:

Interesting. My last partner and I had huge problems sleeping next to each other for an entire night. He didn't understand why it was a big deal, but for me it was a gaping hole in the relationship.

Graycap23 said:

You mean, you don't believe in intimacy at all? Or that it's an illusion if you experience it?

What about intimacy with yourself -- your own thoughts and feelings? Intimacy with God? Intimacy with music?

I really think Ace's

"Into me I see" is extremely profound.

The most intimate moments allow us to see (and be) ourselves etched clearly and most authentically. These moments can become blinking lights guiding us to self-awareness, just as growing self-awareness lights the path to intimacy with others.