SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: CJanssen said: I've had one in 1997, took me more than a year to recover. I couldn't work, sleep, eat etc. I even wanted to die. I think it's a combination of mental and physical things that go severely wrong. Bottling up things inside yourself that go 200% against your nature and crossing your limits (e.g. little sleep, no balanced food, doing things you hate to do). I was ignoring signs, lots of signs for a very long time, I was so stupid. Eventually I ended up being tensed night and day, not being able to sleep for months, having one inflammation after another and after a ski holiday with lots of pain the bomb exploded. Every night I sat for hours on the couch thinking I felt physical pain inside but I couldn't point where, wishing I had a broken leg or something I could point at. That were probably my nerves in my entire body being damaged. I started getting anxiety/angst attacks that boiled up through my neck and thinking I would get them triggered them even more, anxiety for anxiety. These attacks could stay for hours, shaking like crazy, devouring the little energy that I had left. At my peak I had hallucinations during the one or two hours I slept at night, seeing colors, hearing things, it was plain horrible. Looking at something silly like a table or a car could start it, I really thought I was going mental, developing some mental illness. I would never wish my worst enemy that. I had to leave hubby and live at my mom's house for 2 months, she patched me up. Whenever I'm below my level (stress at work or my kid not sleeping for weeks) I feel that anxiety sneeking up, only now I recognise it, some breathing techniques makes it go away. It's like there's this damaged place and you have to take care of it very well for the rest of your life. It's the worst because you find yourself at the brink and the point where you don't even feel like you are human anymore. It's awful. I hope never to have one again. I feel for everyone here who's dealt with one. It's not cute. I felt like my own mind had betrayed me. This was my whole me, my thinking, my private me. I couldn't count on myself and that felt really bad. My outside isn't that important for me, it's my inside I care a huge deal about. It was so difficult accepting it. It took such a long time, seemed like ages in that black tunnel and that's where you start losing faith. Whenever someone says, I'm depressed, I'm going to go shopping and buy everything there is, I just think, you don't know what a depression is because there's no money in the world, nothing to be exact, that can make you happy or make you feel good. Waking up makes you think, damn, another day, how will I get through it, and you think the same for the nights. That's what's so frightening, you loose the meaning of life and with that you loose the meaning of walking around on this planet. What isn't more important. Buckets of love and hope for those who are going through such times | |
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Thanks for the feeback. I hope this thread helps someone recognize these symptoms. It's helped me. | |
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ahhhhmmm, yeah, sure. thanks. THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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