punkofthemonth said:

Like I said over, men are pretty simple and easy to please. And if they start thinking too hard I just confuse 'em with sex.

SCNDLS said:

I'm not so blinded by the golden tip that I don't get where you're coming from (no pun intended...) but in the end, as long as the customer is satisfied, I'm good too!

...and here all these women get their noses bent because ONLY men lie...

Vendetta1 said:

Girl, I have my moments.

IMO the bold sentence is the key, and if he's aware of your background and truly cares about you and pleasing you he's going to do whatever it takes to put you at ease and put it on ya correctly.

reneGade20 said:

Well, if you have women stalkin' you an' shit, it sounds like you did TOO good a job.

SCNDLS said:

Damn I hope so cuz I plan to break his mutherfuckin' back!!!

SCNDLS said:

Well, they don't stalk anymore, because my wife would go bezerk kill them...however,the first 2-3 years after I got married, I had to go out with a security team...

reneGade20 said:

All men DO. How would you KNOW if you were though?

violator said:

But why is it work? maybe my definition of work is wrong?

reneGade20 said:

See, I'd have to fuck you up.

Vendetta1 said:

work doesn't mean argue or fight! (though those things can be healthy if done well)
the thing is when you got 3 kids and jobs and stuff, to work at a marriage just means you prioritise time to spend together, to keep a high level of intimacy just by being kind to each other and being a team - all those things come naturally whilst you're still in limerance, just later on when you'd rather just watch TV, to make the effort to keep communications open and tell each other you love them

Vendetta1 said:

Most people agree that achieving an orgasm is mostly mental. Like I said, I've never gotten one through penetration and the times that I've come close I really had to free my mind then I'd start thinking again and the moment would pass. So I think there's SOMETHING in my psyche that's blocking the blessing.

There could be MANY reasons why you feel more comfortable sexually with a woman than with a man. At least comfortable enough to truly release yourself. I don't know enough about your personal history to speculate about you in particular. However, there are certain situations that I think certain conclusions can be drawn.

For instance, I've always thought that there are two types of lesbians. 1) Women that are truly born with that preference and 2) Women that are victims of sexual abuse that, as a result of it, are incapable of giving themselves completely to a man. I mean, having sex with anyone is the most vulnerable position you can find yourself in (no pun intended). If a woman associates an act of violence with that vulnerability of course she's gonna have issues engaging in sexual acts with a man. Also, women like these probably don't view other women as a physical threat and both women can probably identify with the feeling of vulnerability or whatever during sex. This lack of tension I think would make it easier to get to an orgasm with a woman vs with a man. Not saying this is you, just describing something that could result in a psychological block to having sex with a man.

Another thing is if a woman has a low self image of herself, I could totally see her being preoccupied thinking about how her male sex partner views her physically. I know I'm guilty of thinking about how my thighs or my ass looks during sex but then I get over that shit and keep it moving. BUT if a woman is overly self-critical about her appearance, she may focus on her insecurities instead of staying in the moment allowing her to arrive. AND if the guy is not aware of the issues OR is not sensitive enough to reassure her that he is TRULY attracted to her, how is she gonna enjoy sex MUCH LESS get off??? On the flip side, I THINK that being with a woman would be less stressful in that regard. I mean I know we can be brutal in our critiques of women on the street, but I THINK that when women are about to have sex with each other their focus is on more than just the physical. Whereas with men, many women assume that they are all about the physical appearance of a woman, which isn't ALWAYS true.

SCNDLS said:

one WOULDN'T know

and i luvs me some 'gade but umm..

What's limerance?

SCNDLS said:

huh...wha...who me? WhadidIdo??

SCNDLS said:

one WOULDN'T know

and i luvs me some 'gade but umm..

sweet said:

one who cares, knows....because as I said before, as long as she's satisfied, I could care less how much noise she makes...when I had 8 deep scratches up my back, and there was a really really REALLY undry spot in the middle of the bed...honey couldn't really talk too much or was KnockedDaFukOut sleeping from the effort...Gade's job was done....

right backatcha....

SCNDLS said:

You should be a therapist

Intersting though, why does abuse drive men to other men and not to women?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Did you mean drives men to other women and women to other men?

sweet said:

one who cares, knows....because as I said before, as long as she's satisfied, I could care less how much noise she makes...when I had 8 deep scratches up my back, and there was a really really REALLY undry spot in the middle of the bed...honey couldn't really talk too much or was KnockedDaFukOut sleeping from the effort...Gade's job was done....

right backatcha....

SCNDLS said:

You should be a therapist

Intersting though, why does abuse drive men to other men and not to women?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Psychology was my minor.

Some studies show that many gays, male and female, have been victimized by sexual abuse both as children and as adults. I already discussed my views on some of the ways that abuse manifests itself in some women. On the flip side, as you mentioned the opposite is true for men because some men that are sexually abused by men end up living a gay lifestyle loving men. This has always confused me, but after 17 years of wearing my Oprah hat with my gay friends, I came to some conclusions, not saying they are right, but just possible explanations.

I think that there is a MUCH greater stigma attached to the sexual abuse of boys and men than to that of women. I'm not saying that one is less heinous an act than the other. But women are deemed the weaker, more vulnerable sex so there's not as much of a stigma to the victim when they are sexually abused. Besides, men having sex with women is the "natural" order of things. So even though it's still an act of violence against that woman it's not going against the "norm."

On the flip, society says that boys and men are supposed to be big and strong and for them to be violated sexually means that they were in fact weak, which is unacceptable in the eyes of the world. Also, when men are sexually abused more often than not they are "cast" in the female role. Being forcibly violated anally, against his will, is probably EVERY man's biggest fear in life. I think that because male on male sex is not the "norm" there's more of a tendency to blame the victim. Why didn't you fight? Why didn't you defend yourself? Etc.

I think that a lot of male victims internalize that extreme shame and perceived weakness and begin casting themselves in that more vulnerable "female" role, at least sexually, and seek out domination by another man in sex. Almost as a way to punish themselves for being "weak" or not man enough to thwart their abuser. Eventually, it becomes normal to them.

I've also heard that there tends to be a higher incidence of domestic abuse among same-sex partners, male and female. Even among my own gay friends, a lot of them repeatedly get into relationships with dudes that constantly beat their asses. Almost all of them were sexually abused as boys. I think this is another manifestation of sexual abuse.

noimageatall said:

No. I'm assuming Vendetta's sexual abuse involved men. When men are abused by men they tend to turn to other men instead of turning to women. Like you never hear the reverse where a gay man is turned straight because he has been abused by a man. I do think that straight men who have been abused veer back towards women but they were inclined that way in the first place but I have known of many who still had sexual contect with men in their early adult years because of abuse.

Maybe I have no idea what I'm saying though

SCNDLS said:

Although I was molested through my clothes as "horseplay" by someone we knew when I grew up, and I never let them touch me before I was pushing them away and slapping at their hands, I was never full on molested or had a sexual experience with a man not until I was 18. So in my case I wasn't gay because of sexual abuse but yes I've heard it a million times. And same sex domestic abuse is a real part of the dysfunction of our community. It's why I'm seeking to become a counselor for the abused both straight and gay and why I want to work with gay youth.

btw, next wednesday I am going to an informational event about the spriritual psychology program I want to get a degree in Still, I say you should be a counselor

.
[Edited 1/15/09 17:20pm]

Girl, you've said stuff my therapist never said to me.

SCNDLS said:

I just turn the sound completely off.

ZombieKitten said:

So people stop doing the things that brought them together in the first place?

What's limerance?

violator said:

One word.

"cock"

violator said:

One word.

"cock"