So, my mother has ten brothers and sisters. For the most part my uncles and aunts are fucking awesome.

Then there's the runt of the litter. Auntie Cindy. She is a crackhead, in the sense that she smokes crack cocaine.

I received a Christmas card from my Auntie Cindy and her life partner Butch. I have attempted to transcribe, verbatim, the contents of that card for your pleasure.

~~~~~

Hi

I hope to neet chris + (09)
Do you live close To OLanDo (kiss)
if so, EMaiL me at Butch.Cindy at yohoo.com. We might go there again. So, How Do you like it. The KiD's mast Love it there.

Erin Do you live close tRisHA? (BUT) the most Do you A a pool. To my favorite Neices, E-maiL Butch.Cindy at yahoo.com

Love ya
Cindy

Cindy + Butch
(kitty)

~~~~~

I guess me and Chris are now her favorite nieces? We are so lucky. Anyway, this was my favorite thing I got all year.

Hey at least she was thinking of you for a brief moment!!!!

rachel3 said:

Yeah! Everyone email her at Cindy.Butch at yohoo.com and tell her how nice that was!

um, you forgot to mention the card is a christmas card for a FATHER

JerseyKRS said:

OH SHIT! BEST PART!

The outside of the card says "Merry Christmas to the Beary Best Dad."

But do you guys have a pool? My family and I are taking a vacation there soon and we need a place to hang.

Fucking brilliant, was there any crack in a baggie? If not...fuck her

oldmanjohnson said:

Look closely. She did not ask if we have a pool. She asked whether we A a pool.

The answer to both is "no."

FunkMistress said:

A Pond?

oldmanjohnson said:

There are swamps.

I hope you have that framed.

minneapolisgenius said:

It was a card for a DAD!!!

JerseyKRS said:

I can't stop laughing

Imago said:

I wish I could transcribe all the weird arrows and other strange things. When she wrote "Email" the capital E was actually sitting on top of the word "mail."

FunkMistress said:

Scan it or photo it....pleeaasseeee

this thread made my day.

FunkMistress said:

I swear, we live in an ACTUAL sitcom.....

JerseyKRS said:

Well,I live in a bonafide movie script.

call it Synodoche Alabama

You should invite her over. There's nothing more entertaining than a crackhead telling their cracky tales.

JuliePurplehead said:

NO.

She's a lot more entertaining through the mail.

Seems like you would try to be more sympathetic towards family.

I think the card was really sweet. I don't understand why you're laughing at her.

I knew I would get those reactions too, no worries.

My family has a lot of joy and a lot of tragedy. The way we deal with it all is humor. That's how we are, and always have been.

Also?

READ IT!

That shit is HILARIOUS.

!!!!!

Too funny!!!!!

Bless her heart.....