Lammastide said:

This is why I can't stand religion. Her church and the beliefs she's finding in it is going to encourage her to ruin her life for real.

dawntreader said:

My ex told me when we first met that eventually I would outgrow him. 5 years later I left him for exactly that reason. It might sound elitist but that wasn't it. We didn't share any of the same goals and my goals became more important than the relationship and that relationship meant the world to me.

This woman is only going to go higher in her life and the only person that can saver her man is himself. IMO, It can't come from her or forced through marriage.

paintedlady said:

three.....

On the surface, it sounds like a situation where two people are together out of force of habit. I've been around many situations like that, where people just stay in a relationship because they've been together so long that they don't know how to do anything else. There is love in those types of situations, but more often they're counterproductive for many of the reasons listed in the original post. More than anything else, they just seem to be incompatible and, at 30-something, much of what she probably wants from and out of this man she just isn't going to get.

She should leave quickly and quietly.

Good food for thought here. Keep it comin'!

To put things another way, if a baby doesn't make you grow up nothing will.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

She's certainly found that out... twice now with two different guys.
[Edited 12/17/08 11:34am]

Lammastide said:

Children are sobering. If one doesn't snap you out of it, then damn you're really really high

in the words of BIlly bill.....



"...Let me give you some good advice junior.....STAY SINGLE! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

this is not a 50/50 relationship. Doesnt sound like a healthy one at that.
MARRIAGE is not the answer.
He needs to take on more responsibility and they need to see a couple's counsler.

1) The same faith that has informed her thoughts about what their relationship would like like were it thriving and mature (which it isn't -- it is, however old and familiar) is likely opening her eyes to what he would look like were he also thriving and mature.

So, she's playing the ol' tug-and-hint game of trying to get him to grow up -- in her/their faith, in his professional concepts. But, he's a child, and the apparently numerous proposals he's made she's received as from a child. Sadly, she's had children with this child. So, they're locked in a cycle of him promising to do better, of her losing patience and of them both being alternately resentful of the other.

I've seen this too many times to pretend to not be bitter about witnessing apparently good, professional women trudging through groceries and malls with dudes who are in their 30s with their jeans sagging, their braids mostly undone and with their loud, whining brood following loudly from aisle to aisle or from store to store.

"Baby Boy" was more than a movie.

2) Lamma, stop asking me to post on your relationship threads. You know I got issues.

I'm boycotting relationship threads until I'm married. How 'bout that? So there.

ThreadBare said:

Man, that wasn't so much advice as a public lament!! I was hoping you'd come up with some definitive "answer," so I could steal it and look all wise and what-not!

Anyway, don't worry, bruh. We're gonna get you married off in '09. I can feel it!

JustErin said:

you're so right! my husband's parents stayed together for the kids, and it just made their childhood stressful!

Lammastide said:

Yeah, no wisdom from the dude caught betwixt fire and ice, I'm afraid. Uhh... you thought that about '08, mayne!!!