psychodelicide said:

SCNDLS said:

Flowers2 said:

A COMPENDIUM OF LITTLE JOHNNY JOKES:

Little Johnny is walking a giraffe on a leash down the street. A cop says, "What are you going to do with that giraffe, Little Johnny?" Little Johnny says, "I'm going to mate her." "Where?" asks the cop.

Little Johnny lifts up the giraffe's tail, points at her hoo-hoo, and says, "Right there".

*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8

Little Johnny walks into a whorehouse, dragging a squished frog on a string. "I want a whore that has VD," says Little Johnny. The madam says, "First of all, you're too young, and secondly, why would you want a whore with VD?"

Little Johnny pulls out $500 and says, "Am I too young now?" The madam takes the money and says, "Go see Rose in Room 3. She has the clap. But why do you want to catch the clap?"

Little Johnny says, "I want the clap because later tonight, my mom and dad are going to go out. They'll send Karen to baby sit me, and I'll fuck her. She'll get the clap, and then she'll give it to my dad when he fucks her on the way to taking her home. Then my dad will give it to my mom when he fucks her later tonight. And then tomorrow morning after my dad's gone to work, my mom will give it to the milkman when she fucks him.

"And he's the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!"

*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8

The teacher asks the class, "There are five birds on a wire. A farmer shoots two of them. How many are left?" Little Johnny says, "None!" The teacher asks Little Johnny why he thinks that no birds will be left if there were 5 to start with and 2 were shot.

"Because," says Little Johnny, "the sound of the gun will frighten the other birds away." The teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, Little Johnny, but I like the way you think." So Little Johnny says, "OK, then I have a question for you."

"There are three women sitting on a bench. They each have a lollipop. One woman is biting her lollipop, one is chewing her lollipop, and one is sucking her lollipop. Which one is married?"

The teacher gets red-faced, but finally says, "I suppose it's the one sucking her lollipop."

"No," says Little Johnny, "it's the one wearing a wedding ring, but I like the way YOU think!"

*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8

The teacher tells the class they have to tell a story that has a moral. Little Billy raises his hand and says, "My grandfather is a farmer and one day, I gathered all the eggs. There were 40 eggs so I knew there would be 40 chicks. But not all the eggs hatched, and some chicks did not survive after the hatch. We ended up with 25 chicks. The moral is, don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Then Little Betty stood up and said, "My grandfather is also a farmer and I gathered up all the eggs to take to market. I had them in a big basket but on the way to the market, we hit a bump. My basket went flying and almost all my eggs cracked! The moral is, don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Little Johnny said, "My Uncle Jim was a fighter pilot in the Gulf War. His F-15 got shot and he had to eject. All he could take with him was his rifle, a knife, and a fifth of Jim Beam, which he drank as he parachuted to the ground. He landed smack in the middle of 100 Iraqi soldiers. He shot 50 of them dead but ran out of bullets. He stabbed 30 more to death but the blade of his knife broke, so he killed the last 20 in hand-to-hand combat."

"My gosh, what is the moral of THAT story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't fuck with Uncle Jim when he's been drinking."

DanceWme said:

What do you call a person who has killed a package of corn flakes?

A serial killer!!

Flowers2 said:

JDInteractive said:

what da hell??

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man
I keep his house."
--- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A guy was dating a hot chick (naturally, a blonde), and one night she called and said she needed help with a jigsaw puzzle. The guy asked what kind of puzzle was it, and she said it was a cock. The guy said, "I'll be right over!"

When he got there, he took one look and said, "For God's sakes - PUT THE CORNFLAKES BACK IN THE BOX!"

-----

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator when a handsome, sexy man enters the car. He rides a few floors and then gets off, but not before the women notice he has a bad case of dandruff.

"Someone should give him Head and Shoulders," said the brunette.

And the blonde said, "How do you give 'shoulders'?"

-----

What's the definition of "eternity"?

Four blondes at a four-way stop intersection.

-----

There was a river. On one side was a blonde, and on the other side was another blonde. Blonde number 1 shouted across to Blonde number 2 - "Hey! How do you get to the other side of the river?"

Blonde number 2 thought for a second, then shouted back - "You ARE on the other side of the river!"

RodeoSchro said:

Good one.