I'm being serious for once.
My grandmother passed away the day before thanksgiving. My mother called me at school and told me. I'm not an emotional person, so I'm unsure how I'm supposed to feel, if what I'm feeling is right, and...shit, I don't know. I feel something way worse than sadness but not despair, but my soul is upset. I feel super freaky right now. I'm not distraught and I'm afraid to tell my family that because they know I'm not an emotional person but because I won't cry or think it's the end of the world then I'm a bad person. I'm in class right now and can't concentrate. I feel like shit. I got to live with her and talk with her and all that before she passed, and I spoke to her a week before she did. I was talking to my mom and I was getting rushed off the phone because we can't use them in the cafeteria, and RIGHT before I hung up, my mom said "you want to speak to your grandmother" and even if I was in a rush I ALWAYS took time to talk to my grandparents. I told her how I'm doing and we said we love each other and hung up. Even though she was sick and her body was failing on her, you could never hear it in her voice. Last week one of my friends whose phone I used to call my mom told me that my mom called her and she was snifling asking where I was. I called her and we spoke and everything. I'm sorry if this post seems to be all over the place. This is really the first time since it happened that I've made an attempt to not keep it all in.

sorry for your loss. it will take time to process this, go easy on yourself. can you take time off?

XxAxX said:

Well, sort of. Our semester break is coming up in a couple weeks and i'm flying home to see my mom. She won't know I'm coming. I'm gonna surprise her.

I didn't mourn or feel anything when my dad died.

I didn't feel anything for about 3 or 4 years after his death.
Then the floodgates open.


It doesn't make you a bad person.

And sorry about your loss

Sorry about your loss, everybody deals differently with the loss of somebody close and griefs differently .

I find that everyones coping skills are so very different...
it's good to bring it to the surface and let it out.
I'm told that time is a healer... I will for u.
[Edited 12/8/08 12:24pm]

ScarletScandal said:

that should help a lot, to see family members. in the meantime you should eat right and get plenty of rest. i know it sounds stupid, but sometimes when people are greiving they forget to take care of themselves.

There's no right or wrong way to feel, whatever you feel is right for you.

As long as you can take care of yourself and keep going thought the day, you're doing OK to me.

we all deal with our feelings in our own way, so don't pressure yourself for it

and i'm really sorry for your loss

Imago said:

When my dad passes I won't feel shit. He refuses to acknowledge my existence, which is fine with me. But thanks you guys, I felt like I was gonna explode if I hadn't start expressing how I feel about this. Everybody in school keeps asking if I want to talk about it and whatever but I decline their offer.

Let it come when it comes. Don't force it. You feel what you feel and that's that. I was so close to my grandmother and I didn't flinch when she died. In that time of my life I didn't have the luxury to spare any feelings. It took about 6 years before I actually grieved.

Everyone grieves in their own way so you just need to be true to yourself

sorry for your loss

I always think of the positive moments I had with the person.
Brings a smile 2 my face every time.

So far all of my elder relatives who have passed, passed out of a really bad illness so for me personally I was relieved.

As many others have already said, we all grieve in our own way... take care of yourself and your family and let yourself process what's happened.

there is no wrong way to cope with it. your feelings are organic - there's no map or directions for how you should deal with your grief. you might not feel anything for weeks. it might not feel real for a long time. then one day when you least expect it, it could hit you. or you might just have a long period of reflection where you work through your feelings. or a million other possible combinations. don't ever feel like you're dealing with it the "wrong" way, unless you're hurting yourself or other people i guess.

and sorry to hear about your loss.

I think you're doing just fine!

I find that in A LOT of cases people cry and carry on because they feel guilty for some reason. I'm not saying everyone, but a lot. When my mom died of course I was sad and I cried on my own but we had people come over that where in hysterics. They were putting on a show. They were the ones that never came to visit.

Feel what you feel. It seems to me that you loved your grandma and she loved you. Things were great between you. That's wonderful.

it's natural how you feel.. as others have said, we all deal with our feelings differently ..

I'm sorry for your loss

This is my personal experience and I'm not sure if others have felt the same but for me, death has taken on a much different context now that I'm older. It seems the more experienced with life I become, i.e. older, the more personal death becomes. It's almost as if I didn't understand it fully when I was young and that I didn't appreciate the losses like I do now.

feeling pain and sorrow and loss is part of healing. you loved her, and i'm sure she felt it, and gave you the love back. you were fortunate to have her in your life, and will always have the good memories to recall. Many people never knew their grandparents, so you've been fortunate. There's no law that says you have to cry. There's no law that says you have to be sad. You shouldn't regret anything that happened last week, because life is a day to day thing anyway. It just means we all should take time to appreciate what we have, and resolve conflicts sooner, rather than putting them off.

I'll see you next week. Please leave a check with the receptionist, as I don't take insurance.

Letting your emotions out is a good thing - whatever emotions they are, as long as you don't hurt anybody.

My cousin drowned last year and 2 months later his father died of grief. I've seen friends and family dying of diseases like cancer and anorexia. Talking with them and going through all kinds of emotions myself because of their suffering but also because I have a chronic disease myself (Crohn's), have made me to enjoy life even more - especially the small things that so many people take for granted.

I hope - and I'm sure - you will feel a bit better soon.