I felt a girl at work was disrespecting me at times. The way she says stuff comes off as smart ass. I kept quiet about it for a while. She said something that ticked me off, and I was going to say something about it but I kept getting angry. I didn't talk to her much for three days. I am not always good with words, and can say things that will get me in trouble. So after a while, we had a conversation about it and squashed it. But it occurred again. I wrote her up. She has too much mouth and doesn't know how to shut up sometimes. I remember her telling me that she would run over someone if they let her. I am her supervisor and I can't let that happen. I was really lenient with her in the beginning and let her make decisions about work, instead of me doing it. That's my fault. Now we've had a couple of meetings with the manager and we are not friends anymore. However, she doesn't like that fact that I don't ask her any personal questions anymore. I don't get that. She's been sick and so has her family, but I haven't asked anything because at this point I really don't care. In our meeting, she lied about somethings and didn't tell the god honest truth. And bashed me as well. I'm through with it. If you tell me our relationship is non-friendship and formal, explain to me where the personal comes in. I have no control over her time card and sick day.s The branch manager does that. Am I wrong for not caring? She didn't like what I had to say in the verbal warning and she felt it was a personal attack on her. I dogged myself as well, because I know I can be a bitch. She had also got one of the other co-workers against me and talking behind my back about personal stuff that I only told her. That's not right. I have kept all of her personal stuff to myself even though we are not friends. But she claims to be a big christian. I know I should have dealt with it up front and not let it get out of hand, but I was made to look like the bad when it was both of us. What do yall think?

I think you're too immature to be a manager.

I think both of you need to grow up and keep it professional. If you are a supervisor, then you should know that "personal conversations" are out of the question. You really can't be friends with a subordinate - this is a business, not a playground. If you wrote her up just because she has a "smart mouth" then thats not really a credible, job-related, write up....and not only that, its her right as an employee to not sign the statement when you write her up....you must give the employee a warning first. I hope she knows her rights as an employee, believe it or not, not many people know that.

Why don't you be the bigger person and let it go? If she is walking around lying and talking about you, then let her, it only makes her look stupid. From now on STOP TELLING PEOPLE ON YOUR JOB YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS. You are there to work, not make friends.

Hope it works out for you.
[Edited 11/29/08 9:24am]

Genesia said:

I agree.

Grow up and remember that this is work and not a sorority popularity contest...geeez

we all have to deal with conflicting personality types on the job. suck it up and get over it. put on a happy face, turn on the charm, and get through your day.

Genesia said:

exactly.

Correct, they may sound harsh but they are right. In a management position, you never get friendly with your subordinates, in case you have to fire someone. Business is business, keep her on associate level. Suck it up, and learn from this. Now focus on being the best manager you can be. If a bitch has to much time to gab give her something to do.

missfee said:

I tell my sister this all the time because she wants everyone to like her at work,but that's just not possible.
[Edited 11/29/08 21:59pm]

paintedlady said:

This is really important. I've had many managers I've been friendly with, but we weren't actually friends until we no longer worked together.

I can socialize with my co-workers, but there is a line I never cross. I don't want my co-workers to know too much about my personal life - and I don't want to know too much about theirs. It's just a lot easier that way.

Genesia said:

I'm the same way, I don't want to know the ins and outs of my co-works personal life. but it seems to be how things are suppose to happen in todays work place. my GM seems to have this way of thinking, he can't understand why people wouldn't want to spend after hours or social times with their co-works. I think it has alot to do with this new all open access granted, lets all have a transparent oneness people seem to have adopted nowadays. I have a clearly defined line between my personal life and work, the two are to never cross. that's not to say that I don't make friends with one or two people but that's NOT why I'm there and I behave as such. I've been labled as being unfriendly by some because I don't openly discuss my personal life at work and because I'm known to tell people it's none of your business or that I'm here to do a job not make friends.

Statuesqque said:

Well, let's face it, there are a lot of people for whom work provides their social outlet as well as their livelihood. I think it's because more women work nowadays than have in the past.

Men have always had "work friends," whereas women tended to be at home, making their friends through the neighborhood, community organizations or churches. As women have moved into the workforce, they've spent less time volunteering or just making friends in the neighborhood. And if they're single, that's even less likely.

I'm lucky in that I still live where I grew up. I have relatively few friends that I've known for less than 20 years. Most of the people I'm friends with are people I've worked with over the years, but with the exception of one, they were all peers. I still have friends from college...and one of my sisters lives in town...so my circle's pretty well-rounded - no pun intended.

Statuesqque said:

Funny you say that because their are certain "cliques" on my job who always hang out after work doing whatever, then the next day one blabs about what happened and who did what to who...that is what creates the drama. The backstabbing, the lying, the two-faced conversations its enough to make you want to find another job that has a more professional environment. Now me, I just keep to myself, and I know the kind of vibe that I give off, especially to people who don't know me - that i'm stuck up, or that i'm anti-social. It's not personal, but I just treat my co-workers like a guy at my job who wants to date me, I don't mix personal and business relationships together. While we are at work i'll deal with you, but other than that, thats it. Its just not me to mix pleasure with business and the result is wonderful...drama-free.

Genesia said:

that maybe the case for women in the workplace but I'm seeing it in a few men as well. as I said my GM seems to think you're suppose to be friends and whatnot with your the people you work with. I just don't agree with it, one or two people that you naturally develop a freindship with...sure. but making the workplace your friendship base...no.

missfee said:

that's exactly how I see it and how I've been identified, which is more than fine with me because I'm not for all the BS and "office poltics" that I see going on in my office. it's why I am in the process of looking for another job that has a more professional environment. I understand that there is some level of OP and BS wherever you go but what's happening in my office is beyond unreal and not a place where I want to be.

missfee said:

I agree. My supervisor at all jobs never really knew a lot about my personal business. I think you should do the same. Everyone is cool at first in the beginning. Call it a probationary period. If they make it past that, then get a little "cool" with them. You are a supervisor, not friends.

And so what if if folks talk. They always do. Fuck 'em.

Thanks for your opinions. I will take into consideration what some of you have said. I do, however, want to clarify some things. My time was running out at the library and I couldn't write everything down. This was not a write up. It was a verbal warning and they have to be in written form. I did it because one of the duties that she normally does, she told me in a very bad attitude that I was going to do because she wasn't going to do this time and sat down. This was how she talked to me in the beginning and I didn't nip it in the bud. That's my fault. When I first got to this job, I was very stand offish. I didn't tell anybody anything about me and I didn't ask too many questions about other people. When she came on board, I felt a closeness to her because we were raised the same way. I don't care now that she talks about me behind my back, telling my business, and getting other people against. I was just telling the situation. She's not friend anymore, so I don't care what she does as long as the work gets done. She has no effect on me because that's just a bad image for her. I've realized my mistakes as a person and manager. I think going through this situation has got me where I need to be, and more focused on what I need to do for myself. Especially, since I am in the banking industry. As I said to her, there is no time for this. We could have a job one day and not the next. Whether someone likes me or not, my rent is due on the first and car note on the fifteenth. Going forward, I do better.

Let me restate that ... I don't think there's a lot of manager material posting on this thread, period.

Any one-on-one would turn out in a ...

mayebelle81 said:

And there it is

missfee said:

Thanks. This has been the weirdest situation period for me. With this company, I was never formally trained to do my job, which leaves a lot of room for error on everybody's part. The girl that works under me hasn't either. I always knew exactly what I was authorized to do. It's like that all over the company. I have the experience from other banks, but no one does everything the same.

mayebelle81 said:

Firstly, please try and break your posts into paragraphs; I'm surprised I even made it through these two.

It sounds to me like there is more going on here than performance issues. From what you've written, I would say that you feel that this woman has betrayed your trust.

Regardless, from this point I would keep the relationship strictly professional and try not to allow your personal feelings to color your appraisal of her work.

P.S. How can a verbal warning be in written form?

mayebelle81 said:

Yeah all that seems to be left to do it seems is to keep sticking to your priorities
and make sure on your own part that you don't make the situation any worse by contributing to the fire.

Personally, I'm learning about myself now and didn't realize that I stepped on people's toes,
but have just been trying to get my job done as managers always like hard working workaholics.
But there has to be a balance, where you can get the job done at the same time, allow others to shine as well.
I've learned the hard way, that's for sure, it hurt for me to lose respect in the eyes of a cherished friend,
knowing that I can't change things back to the way they were and restore their faith in me,
but now at least will respect their space, and all I can do is hope that they will realize that I'm only human and didn't mean to.

Ace said:

Our policy states that you can give a verbal warning, but you have to put in writing what was discussed, the solution to the problem, and a timeframe for when the problem is to be corrected. Yes, we are being professional to one another and keeping it that way.
[Edited 12/4/08 15:02pm]

wildgoldenhoney said:

I feel the same way.

BlueZebra said:

I really don't know...did you really discuss how you felt aabout what you both were saying?????

myfavorite said:

Yes. I made sure to dog myself so she wouldn't think I was blaming her completely, but it didn't work. She still said it was personal and not business. That I was pulling rank, but I never established myself as the manager with her in the first place so I guess it made sense. I have learned from my mistake and I won't do that again. I told her that I neeed to watch what I said as well and how I said and not hold my tongue as much. Our manager will be gone next week. It's going to be interesting to see how it's going to work out. The lady that she turned against me talked about me behind my back and still sends me friend emails that say I love you and that I'm supposed to send it back. Of course, I don't send and now I'm a horrible person. It's funny to me now since I'm on the outside looking in. I don't care because he have a lot to do next week work wise and that's all I care about. The only thing now is I am really annoyed by the lady because she complains about the company and other employees everyday, all day. I just want to tell her to shut the hell up and look for another job.