...you try to impress first dates by quoting Salinger, Shakespeare, or Joyce. Those Cliff Notes came in handy, huh?

...you were the first on your block to buy a "Free Winona" shirt.

...you hated everything about the '80s--including Atari, He-Man, Pac-Man, GI Joe, and hair-metal--until two years ago.

...you think it's a crime that Ione Skye has never received ONE friggin' Oscar nomination.

...you're whiter than Michael Jackson, and can't STAND rap music. Except for the Beastie Boys.

...you refuse to read or see anything related to the Harry Potter books because they're so "mainstream."

...you still think that Birkenstocks and Doc Martens give you counter-culture credibility.

...you still believe there IS such a thing as counter-culture.

...you wept tears of joy when you found a T-shirt on Ebay that had a picture of Ally Sheedy from "The Breakfast Club" on it.

...you think Morrissey's solo albums are more "emotionally honest" than the stuff he did with The Smiths, because now he doesn't have Johnny Marr holding him back.

...you go to a Diamanda Galas concert and throw your panties--or boxers--at her.

...you think that Sex Pistols reunion a few years back was just the worst thing ever.

...you've ever masturbated to a picture of either Sid OR Nancy.

...you think MTV is nothing but commercialist shlock, and has completely destroyed entertainment and art as we know it--but you've auditioned to be a VJ twice.

...you think Jesse Camp was a great VJ, and have started a petition to get him back on the air.

...You think Eminem is nothing but a sexist, misogynistic homophobe who deserves to be boycotted and have his album slapped with a warning sticker labelling him as such--and you are (in your words), "a card-carrying member of the ACLU."

...You still think Douglas Coupland (sic) novels have social relevance.

...you think the Belushi/Ackroyd/Radner years on "Saturday Night Live" are completely overrated.

...you write a college thesis about the social impact that The Smiths had upon teens in the '80s--and you were 10 in 1987.

...J.D. Salinger has a restraining order against you from your constant trespassing on his property to show him your screenplay to "The Catcher in the Rye."

...You still buy Bob Dylan albums.

...you hate name-brands or mainstream fashion. Well, except for Johnny Suede, Diesel, Lip Service...

...you still believe Hot Topic caters to the "alternative" crowd.

...you're proudest moment in high school was when the teacher sent you home for wearing a Jane's Addiction "Nothing's Shocking" shirt.

...you put on a fake beard and moustache to go see the "Jackass" movie because you don't want your friends to find out you went and saw it.

...the dissolution of the Beastie Boys' Grand Royal label sent you into a deep-blue depression that took you a WEEK to recover from.

...you're shocked to discover there are people on death row besides Mumia Abu-Jamal.

...you have written pleading letters to David Lynch and Darren Aronofsky to put them in their next movies because you "understand their artistic vision."

...you think the Phoenix's were cool for naming their kids River, Rain and Joaquin--but you still can't understand what Frank Zappa was thinking when he named HIS kids.

...you think Chastity Bono is a strong gay role model.

...you think the term "fag-hag" is politically incorrect--unless uttered by a homosexual.

...you think that "10% of the population is gay" statistic is absolutely true.

...you picket Don Rickles concerts because of Mr. Rickles "insensitivity."

...you think Spike Lee is the most important voice in the African-American community today and that his films speak for the thousands of silent black people in this nation.

...you write an article for an anarchist newspaper encouraging readers to go to schoolyards and "make sure that children are aware that it's cruel to pour salt on slugs."

...your backpack is full of buttons with the logos of bands that "Rolling Stone" has never heard of.

...you think David Bowie has not done anything of merit since "Scary Monsters." Except for his role in "Labryinth."

...you went to the last Cure concert and now consider it to be a defining moment in your life.

...you hate those guys at concerts who get rowdy, jump up and down, hoot and holler, and think their behavior disrespects the musicians.

...you're convinced that Kurt Cobain is still alive and that Courtney Love helped him fake his own death so he could be free of the pressures of fame, and finally be the anonymous poet that he was prior to "Nevermind."

...you think the fact that your ex-neighbor went to school with Eminem's cousin constitutes bragging rights.

...you write your name in all lowercase letters. Just like your heroine bell hooks.

...you can't understand why no book company has published a collection of Dave Matthews' lyrics.

FUCK THE ART WANKERS!!! Being 'hip' ends after you get out of college, NO MATTER WHAT! Spread the word, children!!!

applekisses said:

Too funny. I'm an art wanker, but not by those standards. I just like to take pictures.

Nope, I'm not an art wanker! Phew...

I'm not an "art" wanker, just your typical standard wanker.