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You are all invited to my house for Thanksgiving dinner IF you can follow these 10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in it? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you will not be able to eat anything. 2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate. 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses! 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes. 5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year! 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding. 7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!! 8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!! 9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring. 10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET! [Edited 11/26/08 9:59am] [Edited 1/2/09 16:24pm] | |
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I get this email every year and it's STILL funny.  | |
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SCNDLS said: IF you can follow these 10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in it? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you will not be able to eat anything.  | |
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oh I can't breathe this is the first time I have seen this one.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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I only want to say one thing.....
NO OYSTER STUFFING!  2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!
why my seven year old use the turkey as a basketball and chunked it outdoors talking about he was going to play with the dog! ! ! ! ! ....   
we ate damn sandwiches that year. THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
WHAT! NO TESTIMONY SERVICE! ! ! NO PRAISE AND WORSHIP! ! ! 
...somebody better link up hezakiah on Utube...POST STAT! ! ! ! THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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myfavorite said: 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!
why my seven year old use the turkey as a basketball and chunked it outdoors talking about he was going to play with the dog! ! ! ! ! ....
we ate damn sandwiches that year.  NO.He.Di'int! | |
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myfavorite said: 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
WHAT! NO TESTIMONY SERVICE! ! ! NO PRAISE AND WORSHIP! ! !
...somebody better link up hezakiah on Utube...POST STAT! ! ! ! oh HELL no. Stomach be grumblin and shit. One year my grandfather had the nerve to thank God for the birds that sing and bees that buzz. | |
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ScarletScandal said: myfavorite said: 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
WHAT! NO TESTIMONY SERVICE! ! ! NO PRAISE AND WORSHIP! ! !
...somebody better link up hezakiah on Utube...POST STAT! ! ! ! oh HELL no. Stomach be grumblin and shit. One year my grandfather had the nerve to thank God for the birds that sing and bees that buzz. Awwwww, naw, Grandpa. | |
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SCNDLS said: myfavorite said: 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!
why my seven year old use the turkey as a basketball and chunked it outdoors talking about he was going to play with the dog! ! ! ! ! ....
we ate damn sandwiches that year. NO.He.Di'int!and them fukkers didn't notice he was sliding across the floor on top of the turkey on his stomach...I'm in the room dressing the other baby.....it was pandamonium that year.....I tried to kill em! ! ... THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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This is why I stay my ass at home with my three kids that KNOW how to act. I will not go the my sister's nasty house (her refrigerator should be studied by scientists for new breeds of planteacia, molds, and mildew.... I swear the last time I opened her fridge something waved to me in there  ) The only thing that's good to consume in her house is the liquor. My mom house makes my allergies flare up and she has a boyfriend that gets too "huggy" when he gets to drinking.
mom's boyfriend slurring: "I love you guys soooo much, *hic* you guys are the best! .... Now give me a hug." he then swaggers over arms streched out... he does this once every 15 minutes or so. eewwww. Fuck that shit.... I am staying home. I make the best dinners anyways. God I pray they don't come over.  | |
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ScarletScandal said: myfavorite said: 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
WHAT! NO TESTIMONY SERVICE! ! ! NO PRAISE AND WORSHIP! ! !
...somebody better link up hezakiah on Utube...POST STAT! ! ! ! oh HELL no. Stomach be grumblin and shit. One year my grandfather had the nerve to thank God for the birds that sing and bees that buzz. Damn! | |
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ScarletScandal said: myfavorite said: 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
WHAT! NO TESTIMONY SERVICE! ! ! NO PRAISE AND WORSHIP! ! !
...somebody better link up hezakiah on Utube...POST STAT! ! ! ! oh HELL no. Stomach be grumblin and shit. One year my grandfather had the nerve to thank God for the birds that sing and bees that buzz. Tellk grandpa to take his ass to the basement with the kids.
j/k surviving on the thought of loving you, it's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years... | |
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I wanna come SCNDLS. As long as you got some soul food I'm there. 
Oh, and I'll need to raid your closest, especially the shoes 
You might want to do a body check after that.  | |
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1sexymf said: I wanna come SCNDLS. As long as you got some soul food I'm there.
Oh, and I'll need to raid your closest, especially the shoes
You might want to do a body check after that.  Alright, Sexymf, don't make me call sekurtee on yo ass.  | |
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SCNDLS said: IF you can follow these 10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in it? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you will not be able to eat anything. 2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate. 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses! 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes. 5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year! 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding. 7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!! 8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!! 9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring. 10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET! [Edited 11/26/08 9:59am] Damn,things are strict at your house. [Edited 11/26/08 13:56pm] Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach | |
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KidaDynamite said: ScarletScandal said: oh HELL no. Stomach be grumblin and shit. One year my grandfather had the nerve to thank God for the birds that sing and bees that buzz. Tellk grandpa to take his ass to the basement with the kids.
j/k ole crotchety azz...THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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Proud Memaw to Seyhan Olivia Christine ,Zoey Cirilo Jaylee & Ellie Abigail Lillian  | |
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You know, if I wasn't married, I think I'd secretly be in love with you.... ...
...but since you're invitin' n shit....will you be pickin' me up in your dream Maserati?? Jus' wonderin'.... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: I only want to say one thing.....
NO OYSTER STUFFING! My wife puts her foot in an oyster dressing.... ...that's creole for her oyster dressing is very good..... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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reneGade20 said: You know, if I wasn't married, I think I'd secretly be in love with you....
...
...but since you're invitin' n shit....will you be pickin' me up in your dream Maserati?? Jus' wonderin'....
Well, since it's a dream and all. . . I'll be there at noon. . . but I'm stayin' cuz I love oyster stuffing.  [Edited 11/27/08 8:30am] | |
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| LOL...There is always someone in my family asking about the dadgum potato salad. #1 is about to kill me seriously... | |
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LadyLuvSexxy said: LOL...There is always someone in my family asking about the dadgum potato salad. #1 is about to kill me seriously... Potato salad and meatloaf constantly get the, "Who made it" question cuz you KNOW you cain't eat errrybody's potato salad or meatloaf. 
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SCNDLS said: LadyLuvSexxy said: LOL...There is always someone in my family asking about the dadgum potato salad. #1 is about to kill me seriously... Potato salad and meatloaf constantly get the, "Who made it" question cuz you KNOW you cain't eat errrybody's potato salad or meatloaf.
You know if you gonna get sick off something at a potluck, it'll be the potato salad.  We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Damn-it!!! I had my bags packed.... MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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SCNDLS said: IF you can follow these 10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad?  I only read that one line ..
<--- guilty .. caaause .. that HAS to be correct! I must know who made it  | |
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SCNDLS said: 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!! that is the fact truth.. they take all your good dishes and tupperware.. you never see that stuff again lol
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!
.. truth.. they make 3 plates when leaving telling you who all needs to have some lol .. | |
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paintedlady said: This is why I stay my ass at home with my three kids that KNOW how to act. I will not go the my sister's nasty house (her refrigerator should be studied by scientists for new breeds of planteacia, molds, and mildew.... I swear the last time I opened her fridge something waved to me in there
) The only thing that's good to consume in her house is the liquor. My mom house makes my allergies flare up and she has a boyfriend that gets too "huggy" when he gets to drinking.
mom's boyfriend slurring: "I love you guys soooo much, *hic* you guys are the best! .... Now give me a hug." he then swaggers over arms streched out... he does this once every 15 minutes or so. eewwww. Fuck that shit.... I am staying home. I make the best dinners anyways. God I pray they don't come over. lol | |
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