Or a dumpster. Or off Ebay.

What's green and eats nuts?










Syphilis!

Cloudbuster said:

:OMFG:

What's blue and fucks grannies?










Hypothermia!

Cloudbuster said:

oh shit...
i remember seeing a film in health class
about STDs and they showed a pic of a woman
who was in the EXCELLERATE STAGES of SYPHILIS
and she looked just like mike...
[This message was edited Mon Nov 25 17:16:06 PST 2002 by 00769BAD]

A sailor met a pirate in a bar and couldn't help but notice the pirate's peg leg, hook and eyepatch.
The sailor bought the pirate a drink and asked him how he got the peg leg. The pirate answered, "I got washed overboard during a fierce storm one night an' dern me if a shark didn't go and bite off me leg."
The sailor nodded, looking impressed and asked, "so how about the hook?"
The Pirate replied "We got in a vicious battle boarding a ship once and that's when I got me my hand cut off."
Only one question remained so the sailor asked, "so what's with the eyepatch?"
The pirate spat out, "a seagull pooped in me eye!"
The sailor scoffed, "you mean to tell me you lost an eye just because a seagull shat in it?"
"Well," the pirate answered, "it was the first day I had the hook."

Q-What have Micheal Jackson and Walmart got in common??

A-They both have boys pants half off.

---

Cloudbuster said:

That's nasty

Why didn't JOHN and BOBBY KENNEDY make it
as PRIZEFIGHTERS???
THEY COULDN'T TAKE A SHOT TO THE HEAD!!!

CarrieLee said:

i walked into a bar and ordered a double...the bartender brought over a guy that looked just like me

mr and mrs smith had a baby boy...after the birth..the doctor came to see them..."how's my little future soccer champ" said mrs smith...the doctor replied "i'm sorry to have to tell you...but he won't be playing soccer...he has no legs"...now mrs smith was known for her positive attitude..."that's ok" she replied.."we can still put him in a wheel chair and he can have a fullfilling life...he can maybe play wheel chair basketball and other such sports...and he'll be independant...it'll be fine" ..."um sorry...afraid not" said the doc "he has no arms" ..."well not too worry...everything will be fine" continued the ever optimistic mrs smith "he can still get around in a wheel chair...i'll just have to push him...and maybe we can get him a skate board and he can roll down the hill with his friends and have a fine old time...life's what you make it you know" ..."mrs smith ...he has no body" replied the doctor...after a brief uncomfortable pause...mrs smith carried on..."no problem!! i'll still make sure he's happy...i'll sit him on the window sill and he can watch all the children play outside...we'll hire all the best films for him to see...and he can get a wonderful education by reading...why, he may become one of this words great minds!! think of the possibilities!" " aah i'm afraid to have to tell you mrs smith" said the doctor "but he won't be able to read...he has no eyes" ..."NOT A WORRY!!"replied poor mrs smith...still managing to stay positive "think of all the wonderful food he'll be able to taste...i'm a GREAT cook you know...and we'll take him to singing lessons...you never know...he may be the next elvis costello" ()... after another short pause the doctor continued " mrs smith...i'm sorry to say...but he won't be singing...he's just an ear" ..."THAT"S JUST FINE!" said mrs smith...her voice getting a little hysterical now.." think of all the amazing music we'll be able to play for him...yep...nothing as soothing as music...that's for sure...and i'll sing him lullabys every night to put him to sleep...and what about all those books you can get on tape now...he'll still receive a wealth of knowledge...yep...everything is going to be AOK!..."mrs smith" the doctor replied... "he's deaf"

















































































































i mean...what the hell are you supposed to do with a deaf ear!!!???

wkb said:

Lighten up tight ass!!! Go have a beer

CarrieLee said:

That's an old joke, but I like it!

A man went to a psychiatrist with clingfilm wrapped around him like a pair of shorts. The shrink took one look at him and said, "I can clearly see your nuts".




-The enemy is within.

WHUT,
nobody liked my KENNEDY joke???

00769BAD said:

That's a lame joke. Stick to playing soccer Trevor Sinclair.

CarrieLee said:

Watcha laffin' at Carrie

Where's the friggin emoticon for a cheeky wink? I can't find it.





- The enemy is within - Trevor Sinclair

Q: What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: One did the moonwalk and the other is a child molesting freak.

a guy walked into a bar with a crocodile under his arm...he went up to the bartender and ordered a jug of beer...he skulled the jug of beer and slammed the croc on the head with the empty jug...this caused the croc to open his jaws wide...the guy quickly flopped out his dick and stuck it in the crocs mouth...and then pulled it out just as the croc slammed his jaw shut! everyone stood in amazement ... the bartender said " that's absofarkinlutely amazing buddy...i'll give you $50 to see you do it again...the guy with the croc replied "no problem...give me another jug of beer" to the astonishment of all who looked on, the guy repeated the whole process...skulled the jug of beer...smacked the croc on the head with the empty jug...dick in the crocs mouth...quickly pulled it out as those mighty jaws came crashing down...speachless, the bartender handed him his $50...the guy got up from the bar with the croc still under his arm...looked around with an intimidating glare and said " anyone else in here game enough to try that? a rather unattractive lady in the corner stood up, pulled out her false teeth and said.. "i'll have a go...but don't hit me on the head"

What's purple and eats rocks?

















The purple rock eater!

What's black and white and can't turn around in a lift?

















A nun with a spear through her head!

What's black and white and red all over?
















A nun on a meathook!

What's got two legs and bleeds?
















Half a dog!

Cloudbuster said:[quote

Half a dog![/quote]

an oldie but a goody