This might be my number one pet peeve. I just don't get it. I suppose I understand the idea of 'I like what I like'. And that's fine, but when you know that what you like means you're going to be disrespected and treated poorly, are you really in any position to complain about it?

And these are women who should know better. Who could do better. But still select men with a high school mentality. Specifically, I'm talking about a good friend of mine. A girl I dated many years ago and I've known since elementary school. We've remained good friends over the years. She shamelessly chases men that aren't about shit. I'm talking about men for whom the signs are there upfront. And then when the inevitable happens, she's crying, pissing and moaning about it all.

And she's not the only one. I know others. It just puzzles me because in most cases these are intelligent women who should know better.

Seriously, what gives?

Women follow the same pattern.

It's like bread & butter, cereal & milk, steak & A1 sauce... the two need each other...

just a sad state of affairs...

I am a woman myself and I don't understand this at all. It is part of the reason i dont have many female friends at all.

They KEEp putting themselves in bad situations and expect you to be there and bail them out, well I dont have time for it. I dont tolerate this in my own life why do they think I want to see them go through it??

And mostly all of them have been beaten, abused or raped by these assholes as well.

rachel3 said:

That is part of it, definitely with this girl. Weekend before last, they got into an argument coming home from a bar and he pulled the car over (her car, mind you) and dragged her out of it, leaving her on the side of the road at almost 4am. She caught a cab home and didn't call any of her friends because she didn't want us to know about it. When she gets home her car is not there but she's missing $250 from her bedroom (for some reason, this idiot has a key to her apartment). $250 that was there before they left that night to go out.

I gave her the money. Not that I mind. She's a friend. But she keeps putting herself in these types of situations and its just maddening. A few years back, I said something to her about it and she got pissed for what she felt I was "suggesting" about her and we didn't speak for almost three weeks. Yet this asshole does something like this to her and she was with him again four days later.

I have a girlfriend who continually dates men that are bad for her. She is an incredibly intelligent, driven and gifted woman in all other aspects of her life.

I've never understood it. At all.

Violater u are better than me cause i would not have given her time of day after something like that!!! WTF you are enabling her!!!

violator said:

Dayum!! In most states, what he did was grand theft auto and felony theft...did she call the police? er..ummm....on second thought, nevermind...if she didn't call any of her friends, it stands to reason she didn't call a cop...

as to the topic at hand, in my experiences, women I know who get into these types of relationships almost always think that they can be the agent of change in the guys life....my best friend IS one of those guys (to an extent...not abusive but wandering eyes and a fuck you attitude) and to a one, every girl he's ever been with has harbored the fantasy that she'll be the one to turn him into a "good boy"....
[Edited 11/13/08 10:55am]

Cause behind closed doors, they love it.

violator said:

Sounds like there's more to your story than just simple curiosity. Do you still have feelings for this girl and would like to hook back up?
But generally, girls with "bad boys" complain to let the world know they are with a "bad boy". It's what they like and they like showing off. Personally, I think all girls with "bad boys" should dump them and come to me.

Dayclear said:

I agree. One of my good friends goes from one bad boy to another. I feel like she does it 'cause she likes having drama in here life

Maybe they just like the drama. Some people just like to have something to bitch about,there are happiest when there miserable.

attention seeking women types?

EmeraldSkies said:

[Edited 11/13/08 13:04pm]

Ugh. I've never dated that way and none of my straight female friends date that way, either. This lady sounds lucky to have a levelheaded friend like yourself. It's probably as simple as everyone else here has mentioned. She simply prefers them. After all, for those who aren't too fond of themselves, it's very challenging to choose healthy relationships. It doesn't compute when you're treating yourself like garbage (even if it's just happening within/psychologically).

Because they're dumb as shit.

Masochists.

Not being one of those women, I don't know. I don't really understand it either.

I mean, I get like bad boys if that's your thing, but I don't get moaning about it later when they don't treat you well.

This probably goes a long way in explaining why msot of my friends are guys. Even though I'm a woman, women confuse the shit out of me. Guys are easy to understand.

rachel3 said:

Good question. I've tried avoiding her at times in my life because it was just too difficult and annoying to deal with. But I care enough about her, that I couldn't shut her out completely and I'm thinking now that that's what it would take to keep from being an enabler.

INSATIABLE said:

I think that it's safe to say that is the only reason these women date these men continually. Well that and they believe that they won't find anyone else.

reneGade20 said:

Exactly. When you could just skip all the bullshit and go get a good boy to begin with.

dseann said:

Not sure why it sounds like there's more to it, unless you don't believe that people who dated once can be friends afterwards. But no, there's nothing more to it. Dating her at this point would be like dating a cousin. Trust me, it's not like that at all.

JustErin said:

Oh fuck...

violator said:

Getting a good boy from the start is no fun...and when they do manage to change a bad boy (however briefly), its a badge of honor...they walk him around like a housebroken dog and show him off to their girlfriends....shit, one of my buddies got married to his breaker, and when she couldn't stop him from having us as his groomsmen, she went out of her way to rid "her man" of his "bad influences"...
...she never did treat him right after he "reformed"...

I guess the better question is "why aren't us nice guys good in bed?"

NDRU said:

I think it's a psychological block. Sometimes things happen in life and you end up finding yourself creating the same situations over and over again.

It doesn't mean that you can't break the cycle, though.

violator said:

Many times these girls have low self esteem and don't think they can do better. Even when it's obvious that they can and that they are intelligent. They can't see all the good qualities in themselves. They really can't. Sometimes it's a result of the environment they grew up in. If they watched mom be in a relationship(s) with a bad boy and constantly get walked on they may not know any other way. They may think this is normal. I know it sounds crazy, but I know for myself that many times the way I related to my ex was because of what I saw growing up.

It is sad. I can change though, with therapy and a lot of work on the girl's part.

Be a supportive friend if you can.
[Edited 11/13/08 16:21pm]

violator said:

Are these women telling you that in response to when you ask? Abuse is a cycle and yes, someone can bitch about something they were mostly destined to repeat. It's a process of working through this dysfunction and it's easier said than done. Thankfully I made it to the other side.