...and its destroying my life

Sorry to hear that.

Does he acknowledge he has a problem?

HotPaisleyGirl said:

No - he thinks he is a social drinker. But he drinks every day of his life and he is nasty and threatening when he has had a drink. I don't know why I'm putting this on here, I just want things to change

Sometimes it's good to get things out in the open, even if it's here.

My ex was similar, drink can change some peoples personality vastly. Try talking to him when he is sober, if you feel the mood is right. Just don't go on putting up with it.

I now don't have to worry who is going to walk through the door or get a call from the police about drink driving etc.

Stay strong and get support from everyone and everywhere you can.

HotPaisleyGirl said:

If you wait until the mood is right, it'll never happen. If he wants to drink, the mood to talk about it will never come.

ArielB said:

exactly, there's no good time to have that talk. And if you put up with it then you're basically enabling it.

The choice is simply "do you put up with it or do you not put up with it?" You can't really decide whether or not they stop.
[Edited 11/9/08 9:59am]

oops, I meant if she feels it is safe enough to discuss

tiadalma said:

So sorry. I can sort of relate to what you're going through. Experienced something similar...

I did put up with it for many years. Thought about leaving several times but didn't. Was promised it would change, but it kept happening. I finally went and got some counseling to deal with my emotions and through that realized that I needed to give a loving, but firm ultimatum that it had to stop or I couldn't continue to stay. Thankfully that actually worked.

I can say from experience that the ball is in your court so to speak, but only you can decide exactly what to do and when to do it.

I do strongly suggest counseling. It really did help.

sorry to hear that

its destroying his life too.

i hope y'all get the help you need.

If he doesn't get help you need to leave, sorry but I've seen this way to many times. This is your life too and you should get the most out of it.

look up "Al-Anon". They have support for spouses of alcoholics. You're not alone. not by a long shot. It's also not your fault. Unless you're an enabler.