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I met a guy online who seemed really nice. Now mind you when I saw his pics, I thought he was cute, but they weren't the most dead on shots with perfect lighting if u know what I mean. We began talking on the phone, and we had a great personal connection. However when we met, I wasn't physically attracted to him. He just wasn't what I was expecting. He wasn't purposely deceptive with his photos, but I guess seeing someone in person makes a world of difference. Now I am a firm believer in looks not being the most important thing, but I'm also a firm believer that you have to be at least a little physically attracted to someone for a romantic relationship to work. And I know some of you subscribe to this same philosophy. This is already over and done with and he said, though he was disappointed, he understood. So why do I still feel like a complete asshole? I don't think I'm a shallow person, but at times I feel like there's no other way to describe it. Anyway, what are ur thoughts?

PurpleRighteous1 said:

been in this situation before. Your not shallow, THAT FEELING just wasnt there.
You dont want to lie and lead a person on. Being honest is best.

Well, you didn't do anything wrong.
You have to be true to your own feelings, and by being true to him about them as well, you did the right thing.

Maybe in my old age, looks are mattering a bit less, but that's not to say they can't sway my decision when meeting somebody.

I lucked the fuck out in that the I fell in love with somebody's personality and once I saw how they looked it only solidified it. But if you REALLY get to know a person it may not matter. It just depends on the person. If my baby got disfigured I wouldn't give a shit. I'm in love with the whole package. But I can't judge people who take this into consideration.

We all have things we react to. Judging others for having a different set of criteria is silly, especially if they're honest about their feelings. That's why it's hard for me to knock a gold digger who admits it.

Was this the old queen you met online?

Imago said:

thank you for that

It's happened to me before, a guy who was great on paper, just wasn't when we met in person.

You're not an ass. If you're not attracted, you're not attracted. There's not much you can do about that.

Imago said:

I think that I would feel the same way in that situation, but I think part of that is because, at this point you are madly in love with this person. I just met this guy, and I no longer had that feeling or desire to be physically intimate with that him (kissing, cuddling, etc) and I didn't feel like that was going to change. My gut tells me that I did the right thing, but it still sucks
[Edited 11/3/08 11:12am]

I have been down that road myself. Don't beat yourself up. The Internet provides a barrier (for good and bad), not allowing a person to be truly seen, as it were. Pics can only do so much, but are only a snapshot in time.So, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that. But once you meet a person face to face, that is when the chemmistry will be there, or not be there. It is natural to feel attracted, or to feel not attracted to someone. You have no control over that, and I certainly would not be with somone out of pity if I didn't feel anything towards them. It would not be fair to you or them. So it is better to cut your losses and move on. Sooner or later, someone will light that spark and you'll be in heaven!

PurpleRighteous1 said:

I could never have a relationship with somebody I am not physically attracted to. Maybe I am shallow, but that's how things are.

Its funny how ppl look similar and yet so different live than in pictures.

rushing07 said:

True .

rushing07 said:

I am a total geek in real life. Of course, I also sound like I just swallowed a helium balloon.

Don't trust blurry photos for online romance. And always ask for a recent picture.

I agree. There's always the chance that what you're picking up on and identifying as looks might actually be more than looks.

When that "thing" is missing or another "thing" kind of runs you off, acknowledge it and listen.

.....ya kilt the poor mans spirit! ! ! ! ! TREASON! ! ! !

I have been there before myself. I met a girl, 6 years ago online. We actually dated for a few months, but I was never physically attracted to her. But back then, I was no prize either (she's a big girl, and I used to be huge myself, until I lost 150 lbs).

Today, I consider her one of my very best friends. But I feel badly because she feel hard for me. It's like some said earlier, you can't force something if you're not attracted to them. But it doesn't mean you can't get a good friend out of the deal though. So, don't feel guilty about it at all!

PurpleRighteous1 said:

you're not shallow, there's nothing wrong with what you did... we all have preferences and that's perfectly natural.. you know exactly what you want in a person and you shouldn't settle... although he may have been disappointed, the reality is.. you are 2 different people and the connection just wasn't there and all of that is natural... that's the whole point of dating anyway, to see and find out if the other person is fit for you and he didn't fit for you.... you did right and it's good that you were honest.. ...

PurpleRighteous1 said:

I agree with you. Looks aren't the most important thing. But, you do have to have a spark, some chemistry, something! I actually applaud you for being honest with him upfront. I know you feel like a jerk, but really if you had just led him on knowing that you weren't attracted to him then that would be a jerk thing to do.

My Situation Will Be Different Hes In For A Big Shock

What if he'd looked better than his pics but his personality was a bit of a let-down?

Fauxie said:

In my case that's a bye-bye. Good looks but dumb-ass just is a big turn-off.

HamsterHuey said:

I'm sorry.....

abierman said:

For having it the other way around? That's okay.

Imago said:

LMAO

sed he look like chris browns older brother in person. mmhmm that be him

I haven't been in that situation, since I tend to see a person as more attractive if I love the personality, BUT I understand how you feel, there has to be an attraction....Maybe you cann still be friends with him??

Looks are the most important thing when it comes to physical attraction.

However, I'm getting boned by someone who is not my typical type at all but we have great chemistry.

Weird....but looks do matter!! A lot!!

Fauxie said:

same outcome, but I wouldn't feel as bad

charisma is enuff for me.