SuperiorTe said:

Ian is a servant of the mighty LORD SNORKLES and does his will and bidding.

IceNine said:

Is there a scripture? I have $100

Holy Burgess Meredith, that's one handsome penguin.

OMJ

oldmanjohnson said:

Such is the heavenly beauty of our Lord!

IceNine...why does penguin shit stink so bad?

LMAO at this thread...i was actually thinking about starting a thread about snorkles last night...well done Ice

LaVisHh said:

The smell or our LORD'S feces is not meant to please us, but rather to open our eyes to the truth if we should seek it.

IceNine said:

IceNine, you are indeed all-knowing.

Now I undertand. It stinks to open up our senses to fully realize them...a 7th sense so to speak.

Then it's true...it's all true. How long oh lord? How long?! Take me with you! I can not wait until the word is given! I don't want to be mistaken for a unbeliever!

...I am ready...

The feeding of the 5,000.

The flock returning to their homes after the sermon on the mount.

all hail snorkles!

Penguin is a type of flightless bird that spends most of its life in the ocean. Penguins stand upright on land and walk with a waddle because they have short legs and tall, torpedo-shaped bodies. Penguins appear awkward out of the water, but they can walk about as fast as a human being. They also climb rocky slopes easily, sometimes hopping from rock to rock. Some penguins travel over ice and snow by tobogganing (sliding on their bellies).


Penguins lost the ability to fly millions of years ago. As they began to spend most of their time in the water, their wings started to look more like flippers. This major change helped make penguins excellent swimmers. They "fly" underwater using the same motion as birds that fly in the air.

The body of a penguin is specially suited to living in the sea. Penguins are covered with short, thick feathers that form a waterproof coat. Their feathers are black or bluish-gray, except on their underside, where the feathers are white. Some penguin species have yellow or orange feathers on the head, neck, or breast. Thick layers of blubber keep the birds warm in cold water. For additional warmth, penguins that live where the weather is extremely cold have an extra layer of long, downy feathers below their waterproof feathers.

A penguin's beak can be black, red, bright purple, or orange. The feet are black, blue, or pink. Penguins use their feet to steer themselves when they are underwater. Some penguins have a crest of feathers on their head.

There are 17 species (kinds) of penguins. The largest is the emperor penguin, which stands about 4 feet (1.2 meters) tall and may weigh up to 100 pounds (45 kilograms). The emperor penguin ranks as one of the heaviest birds. The smallest penguin is the little penguin, sometimes called the fairy penguin, which stands about 1 foot (30 centimeters) tall and usually weighs about 3 pounds (1.4 kilograms). Most other species are 11/2 to 3 feet (45 to 90 centimeters) tall and weigh 5 to 15 pounds (2.3 to 6.8 kilograms).

Penguins can swim for many hours at about 8 miles (13 kilometers) per hour. In short bursts, they can reach three times that speed. Penguins swim below the surface, but they leap into the air for breath about once a minute. They can also dive much deeper than any other bird. Some species dive nearly 900 feet (275 meters) below the surface. The deepest divers can hold their breath for nearly 20 minutes.

The life of penguins. Penguins eat fish, squid, and crustaceans, which include crabs and shrimp. The birds use so much energy swimming that they must consume huge amounts of food. As a result, they live in waters that contain large populations of prey. Animals that feed on penguins include seals, sea lions, and killer whales.

All penguins in the wild live south of the equator. They are not found in northern areas because they will not cross into warm ocean water from the cold seas they prefer. The Galapagos penguin lives the farthest north. This bird inhabits the cold waters around the Galapagos Islands, which lie almost on the equator in the eastern Pacific Ocean. Six species of penguins make their home among the islands near New Zealand and Australia. Three species inhabit the coast of South America, and one lives near southern Africa. Six species live far south, in the icy waters near Antarctica.

Penguins seldom visit land except to raise their young. They make their nests in enormous gatherings called colonies. Most colonies occur on islands. Some lie in coastal areas, but only where there are no land mammals that might eat the penguin chicks or eggs. A penguin colony can have thousands of members. The colonies are noisy because the birds often call to one another with a braying sound like donkeys. Penguins recognize each other mostly by their voice.


Adult emperor penguin warms chick


Most penguins make their nests by digging shallow burrows under large rocks or bushes. Antarctic penguins build nests of pebbles on the ground because the frozen earth is too difficult to dig. The king penguin and emperor penguin build no nests at all. They keep their eggs or small chicks warm under a fold of their belly, holding them on the tops of their feet.



Male penguin incubates an egg


A pair of male and female penguins may nest together every year for many years. The female usually lays one or two eggs. Penguin eggs take from 30 to 65 days to hatch. Larger species take longer to hatch and to grow. Once laid, the egg must be incubated (kept at body temperature). Both parents take turns searching for food and caring for the eggs. The parent at the nest does not eat while the other parent is away, sometimes for a month at a time or longer.


When a chick hatches, the parents must guard it until it is strong enough to defend itself. It remains near the nest for the first 2 to 12 months of its life, depending on the species. The chick is covered by downy feathers that are slowly replaced by mature ones. It eats partially digested food fed to it by its parents. When young penguins are old enough, they leave the colony and learn to feed themselves at sea. They return to land only to molt (shed their feathers) and to breed (produce young). Penguins usually choose a mate and a nesting site close to where they were born. Though penguins sometimes travel thousands of miles or kilometers from their nesting place, they are able to return to their exact birthplace. Scientists believe penguins can navigate using the sun, stars, and geographical landmarks.

Some penguins kept in zoos have lived for more than 30 years. But in the wild, most species have a life span of about 20 years.

Conservation. Penguins are one of the oldest groups of birds. They have lived separately from land mammals, including human beings, for millions of years. Penguin populations are easily disturbed by human activity. For example, even a small amount of oil in the ocean is harmful to the birds. It robs their feathers of the ability to keep them warm. Also, commercial fishing in waters where penguins live makes it harder for them to find enough food. Because human activity has spread into areas where penguins live, some penguin species are in danger of dying out.

Scientific classification. Penguins belong to the family Spheniscidae. The scientific name of the emperor penguin is Aptenodytes forsteri. The king penguin is A. patagonica. The little penguin is Eudyptula minor. The Galapagos penguin is Spheniscus mendiculus.

___
Contributor:
• David G. Ainley, Ph.D., Senior Ecologist, H. T. Harvey & Associates.

note: the above article does NOT detail how penguins came to this planet, nor does it describe their plan for world domination. these things are only for initiates to know

XxAxX said:

The information that XxAxX posted above applies only to earth-bound penguins and do not apply to the GREAT and MIGHTY LORD PENGUIN, SNORKLES!

"Scientists believe penguins can navigate using the sun, stars, and geographical landmarks"

well OBVIOUSLY

XxAxX said:

The thing that scientists are blind to is the telepathic connection that all penguins have to the great ethereal penguin.

Science is blind when it comes to matters of faith!

which is why their plan WILL SUCCEED!!! people simply underestimate their cunning and capacity for genius

A loving father penguin tells his young children about the wonders of Snorkles the great.

i found out there's a secret penguin society like the masons
i plan to join so i, too, can wear the black and white robes of the mighty snorkles. been practicing my penguin shuffle, too
[This message was edited Fri Nov 22 18:06:39 PST 2002 by XxAxX]

XxAxX said:

Excellent!

I wear a penguin costume on Wednesdays and Sundays out of respect for the great ethereal penguin.

all this raw fish is makin' me wheeze. not that i'm complaining, because it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make, but i'm just saying my breath might not be so fresh. the others don't understand

ooops. time for my practice swim in loring lake; gonna push those ducks and geese aside, SHOW them what a real water bird can do!!!

XxAxX said:

Others will not understand and they will mock you but be strong in your resolve, for the great and mighty penguin will provide for you and He will punish your enemies for their transgressions.

LaVisHh said:

We are all part of the flock of the GREAT and MIGHTY ethereal penguin, SNORKLES!

Damn u, IceNine...

LaVisHh said:

If loving Snorkles is wrong, I don't want to be right!

Walking on water...



The banished ones...



The parting of the sea...




Deepest thanks to Penguin Planet for providing the photos: http://alsflat.www1.50meg...uinplanet/

now THAT was fun. swam a few laps, squatted on shore for a while, mingling with the other water birds. coupla people came up and tossed bread at us but i didn't fall for it. told 'em to take their lousy carbohydrates away and go get some REAL food. they got a bit shirty of course, demanded to know what i was doing there in the lake criticizing their 'generosity', so i told them of the Movement, what it meant to their future and that they, too, could be one of us. they didn't get it so i spoke to them in the loud, braying voice of the penguin and then they left. probably to spread the word to others, i'm guessing.

Then I saw a great icey throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the penguins, great and small, flapping before the throne...

Chapter 20, Section 20, of The Book Of Penguin



It's all so clear. Snorkles has come to us from the vast reaches of the cold and empty universe, to guide us back home. Why are we here Snorkles? How shall we prepare for our day of reckoning?