i have a friend who is mentally-ill. i can't say what the illness is, but..

1. they wont admit they have a problem
2. so of course they wont seek help for their illness
3. i've tried everything and they wont listen
4. everytime i let them in they use me
5. if i shut them out they abuse me

i worry for their health and love them very much.
what should i do?

union119 said:

Why can't you say what it is? To personal or you don't know exactly?

I really don't know what to tell you in the form of help. I have a sister that has schizophrenia,and she is on meds to help with it,but I honestly don't think they do. Everyday she sits,and talks to the people in her head out loud,but under her breath,and it drives me bat shit. I know I can't even begin to understand what she deals with,so I do try very hard to be patient,and understanding,but after a while it really gets to me. It's really aggravating when you can't have a conversation with someone cause instad of listening to you they are listening to the people in their head.

I guess all I can suggest to you is try to make them get help,and be patient,but if they are being abusive I would try to rid yourself of them until they get help.

EmeraldSkies said:

thanks. i bolded the part where you hit the nail on the head cuz that is EXACTLY what they are doing.

"It's really aggravating when you can't have a conversation with someone cause instad of listening to you they are listening to the people in their head".

it seems to be an endless cycle on repeat.

i might have to do what you say and just say goodbye until they get the help they need somewhere else.

man oh man.

union119 said:

Yeah,that's a hard one.

union119 said:

imagine how it must feel for them to not be able to block the voices out totally

i have a family member with mental illness and she also won't come to grips with it. or even get any help. she's in complete denial! it's a sad thing!

kimrachell said:

The only thing my sister seems to be in denial about is that she needs to sleepor the voices are worse. There are some nights where she does not go to bed at all,and then finally crashes at around 4 or 5 the next day. Then we don't see her until around 5 the following day.

ZombieKitten said:

they can be healed, but, they'd rather stay the way they are.

union119 said:

Drugs might control it, but I imagine they come with some nasty side effects.

But in general I think it's hard for anyone to address their own problems whether it's mental illness or watching too much TV or quitting smoking, etc.

NDRU said:

my cousin went totally off the rails a couple of years ago. The drugs dull the voices, but everything else too. It was so terrible when she stopped taking them, she neglected all her pet birds and cats and the RSPCA got called in and took her to court she refused medical help - where she lives she can't be committed against her will apparently (or held beyond a certain amount of time, so she just kept walking out). Her family had no idea what was going on because of confidentiality laws. Her sister needs a support group, she is having such a hard time of it, but doesn't know what her sister's affliction actually is.

oh, just wait till you have the wonderful experience of them busting out neighbors home and car windows, making barricades in the street, showing up at their child's school accusing the teachers of molesting their kid. try getting them out of jail for such acts. yeah if they are truly schizophrenic all one can do is make sure they take their meds regularly cause the illness doesn't just go away and it can get very bad.

ZombieKitten said:

Wow, that's awful! All I know is I hate practically every pharmaceutical drug I've ever taken (except Ibuprofin). And something that affects the mind has to be pretty powerful and possibly very unpleasant.

NDRU said:

http://www.healthyplace.c...ffects.asp
a lot of physical side effects too

How old is your friend? I had a friend in college who suffered from a mental illness. I've know him since my freshman year of college. He started to change in our senior year. I couldn't even carry a conversation with him. He went on and on about the wave lengths of the universe, dragons, and various mass murderes being "prophets".

I alerted his parents that something was seriously wrong. At that time, there was not much they could do because he wasn't showing signs that he was a danger to others. A few weeks after I informed his parents, he punched a guy in his dorm. He thought this kid was an "FBI Informant" and was following him. My friend was committed, diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and thrown back out on the street. The mental hospital could not keep him there if he refused to stay.

A few months went by, and my friend went home to Northern Virginia to get away from school for a while. He was on meds and seemed to be doing much much better. We thought he was on the road to recover until we heard some news--my friend had killed his mother. Apparently, his father decided to divorce his mother, who was an absolutely sweet heart and I miss her to this day. That shook my friend up and he stopped taking his meds. He descended deeper into darkness after that point.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. I think back a lot about what I could have done differently. Be there for that friend and ensure he stays SOBER! Drugs/Alcohol will put an already damaged mind over the edge. Inform your friend's family, if they aren't aware of this case already. I hope everything turn out well for you union.

Shawnt25 said:

Wow that's a sad story.
A young boy from my sister's neighbourhood is mentally ill as well. I always enjoyed talking to him as he was such a nice person. He had been affected since he was a child and it got worse when he grew up even though he was on medication. His mom stopped working so that she could take care that he would stay at home and not hurt himself or others. When he was about 20 he attacked my nephew (who pretty much was his only friend) on his 20th birthday and knocked him uncouscious and my nephew couldn't remember anything that happened not even the ride to the hospital although he was talking while he was droven there. My niece who woke up from the noise in the house when the were looking for him is still so afraid that she refuses to talk to anybody of his family although they have been friends of the family for years. Especially as he kept calling her on the phone wanting to talk to her. I really feel for the guy and his poor parents and sister .
[Edited 10/29/08 2:02am]

union119 said:

I work at a psychiatric hospital with patients like your friend. It is incredibly sad and frustrating. I feel for you because of your feelings of helplessness and I also feel for your friend because mental illness can be a sad and very isolating thing.

If the family is receptive maybe ask for their assistance. Print out some literature and let them read it. Mental illness is very much a medical condition. Just as much as diabetes or heart disease. I don't know what your friend suffers from, but most mental illnesses require medications. Once the person is on the meds and stable therapy is also introduced to try and help the person learn how to cope and also how to live a happy life. One thing that is of utmost importance is that they stay on their meds. Too often I see the same people over and over again because they start feeling good and think that they don't need their meds. It's exactly the opposite. The reason they feel so good is because they are on the right combo/dose of meds and it's working! To keep that great feeling they must take their medicines exactly as prescribed.

If there is no family to help and the person refuses to get help then I'm afraid there is not much you can do. If they are not a danger to themselves or others most facilities won't hold them.

I wish you and your friend the best. As hard as it may be stepping away from the person may be the only way to safeguard yourself.

morningsong said:

before my sister was diagnosed,she was positive that someone was watching her all the time,she would cover all the windows with sheets,and blankets,and take showers in the dark. She became convinced that the boys that lived next door were out to get her,and she pretty much told my Mom that she wanted to kill them. At the time my Dad had his father's hunting rifles in the house,and they were in a case,but not one that locked,so they got removed from the house. She finally ended up in a mental hospital for about 2-3 months,that is where she was diagnosed,and perscribed meds. After that you couldn't tell that she was schizophrenic,she wasn't afraid anymore,she was right there with you,but the problems came when she would run out of her meds,and not have some for a few days,the cycle would get fudged up,and then she ends up not as well as she was.
[Edited 10/28/08 18:05pm]

thanks guys -

my friend doesnt have any family to help them,

and their friends are of no help either.

they are sometimes a danger to others.

i am hoping there is a cure besides medication.

union119 said:

Well without knowing what the problem is I can't say for sure, but I'm fairly sure that your friend needs medication. Medication is not bad if it helps the person function and be happy.

hokie said:

i agree that it's really hard to know what to do without more details.

but i hope that your friend gets the help they need!

maybe an intervention could work, but we tried that already.

they were well for a while

but were unfortunately seduced back into their illness

by someone else.

Union119 I'm so sorry for your friend, I hope they get the help they need

Mental Illness is a big problem, way bigger than anyone realises... on a personal note, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone who knows me when I say I'm not completely well myself. don't get me wrong I don't mean anything drastic but lets just say I'm my own worst enemy in my own mind and life, especially when it comes to those I love and care about. I've lost too many of them over the years and continue to, I intend to start seeking some professional help very soon and hopefully find the peace of mind and stability and most of all learn to respect and like myself after 32 years on the planet.

Sorry for the rant, having a bad time right now and this thread kinda hit a nerve. Again, Mental Illness is much bigger than any of us realise...

NDRU said:

Every drug a person puts into their system has side effects. That is very true. Sometimes we take a drug and the side effects far outweigh the benefit of the drug. That has happened to me. However, sometimes the side effects are minor. And also, once you have been on the drug a bit the side effects tend to get less bothersome or often times go away completely.

People afflicted with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia (along with other severe mental illnesses) need the drugs in order to function in life. It sucks I agree, but you have to look at the whole picture. Sometimes it's a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils.

I'm not trying to sway you onto the pro-drug stance. I am just speaking from the perspective of someone who sees this on a regular basis.

Once, I went to work and one of my patients was so out of touch with reality he was impossible to deal with. He was a schizophrenic who had gone off of his medications. He was delusional, paranoid, angry. He heard voices. I then went to work a few weeks later and I didn't even recognize him! He was back on his meds and as normal as you and I. It was amazing to see the difference. So, sometimes drugs are not a bad thing.

union119 said:

wow. i had this problem a few years back. it's really hard, and ultimately you cannot force anything on someone like this. there are a lot of resources for you and for them, but you can only be there for them when and if they ask for help. good luck.

hokie said:

oh, definitely. Some drugs literally keep us alive! Most old people need some kind of drug for their heart, blood pressure, thyroid, etc...

I was just saying why I could see why someone wouldn't want to take them.

NDRU said:

Yep. I know.

I was just trying to paint a picture for the person that started this thread. There are people that are anti-drug everything. (Tom Cruise---freakin' nut that he is ) I'd never pick on you! You're one of the nicest people here.

hokie said:

how sweet! no worries, I didn't think you were picking on me!

union119 said:

Actually schizophrenia can't be healed. The symptoms can be treated, but it's a matter of finding the right combination of medication and therapy. My ex-father-in-law and his grandson are both schizophrenic. My ex-father-in-law use to share stories of the treatments they gave him in the 50's (electric shock treatments, cold wraps, etc.) Unfortunately, we've come no further with learning how to treat anyone with a "mental illness".

Also, people with a mental illness, while their symptoms can be managed on the right combination of medication/therapy, doesn't mean it will stay that way. Usually, they start to feel better, and begin to think they no longer need the medication because they are doing much better. So they stop taking it and the whole cycle starts over again.

benni said:

I see it all the time.

hokie said:

Yep. I worked at a state mental hospital back in the early 90s as a psych aide, and it was just a revolving door, unfortunately. (I had started working there because my ex-FIL had no one on his side in the family, everyone thought he was faking it, that he could get over it, yada yada yada, and I wanted to learn how to talk to him, what to look for, so I went to work at the one place where I could learn it.)