Flowers2 said:

LOL! No they do not.

Oh and with my teen son, he's 17 and a complete joy. He likes to puff out his chest at me at times and yell... but I NEVER yell back. I let him know calmly that I can get angry as well, that life is shitty for adults as well, but you make the best of it. Then I ask him what is bothering him. I try to get at the heart of what is wrong, he eventually comes through. I never assume I know what's up automatically, he is intelligent and I treat him that way, with respectful discussion. I do curse a bit, but more so to make him laugh.

For example, he was pissy two days ago. I am a single mom of 3 and he came in the house pissed. I asked what was wrong, he said nothing, started yelling at his little brother. So I said "Man, you need to stop flipping on the ones that love you... anybody outside fuckin' with you?" he's like naw... my graphic calculator was stolen and I have a test coming up and I need it. (He also lost his house keys two days ago and and English book that has to be replaced $72.00)

I didn't chastise him, just said... "Look D, just ask the teacher, lost and found and keep a closer eye on your stuff. Get more sleep too, you are running yourself ragged and maybe the stuff wasn't stolen but misplaced or borrowed. Forget it for now, eat some grub and ask your buddies if they saw it, OK?"

He was like OK... and I made him his favorite dessert (Bananas Foster w/ lots of rum over vanilla ice cream) That little gesture made his day, helped relieve the stress and the next day came home happy because his teacher saw Danzel misplace his calculator and book, and he has both now.

He came home happy that day, he was concerned about money being spent because he knows things are tight for us. That is why he was upset, told him not to worry about that, leave the $$$ to me because being a teen is tough enough.

Love my son of mine.

paintedlady said:

wow

paintedlady said:

awww that's sweet

TY Zombie and Flowers .....

Zombie will be sharing tons of similar teen sagas like this soon and Flowers is gonna be the Aunty they all run to for advice for sure.

paintedlady said:

I know it's giving me heebie geebies just thinking about it. I hope I can be as smart as you, I tend to react, I need to get that into check

ZombieKitten said:

I was the same too.... very reactive and loud...

but you will have to punch em hard in the chest once at around the ages of 12-14. after knocking the wind outta them, they'll know you love em dearly.

J/K seriously, if you have good communication now with the boys, do what you can to foster that. Always do your best to show your honesty and the quieter your voice the harder they have to listen. Truth (even hard truth) is always heard and remembered by your kids. If you lie they won't trust you.

I know exactly how you feel.

Stymie said:

another strong mommie right there ^^^^

paintedlady said:

paintedlady said:

This level of communication and understanding is what I was trying to explain. Teens don't get furious for nothing, there's always something behind it.

paintedlady said:

.. I think there will be fireworks and canons blarin' if I ever got pregnant lol

Flowers2 said:

There should be... its a wonderful thing when it does happen... until the nausea starts.

paintedlady said:

such great advice!

ZombieKitten said:

TY kids are smart and intuitive, they know when adults are full of shit. as they get older they treat adults how those adults treat them. Generally speaking that is.

paintedlady said:

I got my little cuddlebunny in my lap right now, I don't want him to grow big, hairy and smelly

ZombieKitten said:

You'll do new things to look forward to as they get bigger. My son now walks by me just to fart and walk away. *cough*

paintedlady said:

I better stop doing that to them they will get ideas

ZombieKitten said:

I can't help you with the rest, but I'll say two things:

Leave his music alone. You may not dig it, but it's what he likes. Talk to him about it. And I don't mean in a, "How could you listen to that awful crap?" sort of way. But have real conversation about it. Ask him why he likes that kind of music, what his favourite bands are, if he wants to be in a band, that sort of thing. If it's something he likes, get him talking about it.

Fifteen years old is much too old to have a bedtime dictated by Mommy. Nothing makes a kid his age feel like a helpless infant faster than being told when he should feel tired and go beddy-bye. Infantilizing, perceived or real, from parents can make a young adult feel frustration and anger, and may want to lash out unnecessarily. I doubt he purposely hit you in your chest port.

As for the rest, let him know you're available if he ever needs anything, and that you'll be there to help or talk. Much as it may annoy you, you can't control who his friends are or who he dates. Perhaps take his girlfriend aside and tell her she can turn to you if she needs help? Sometimes all it takes is a person letting them know that they care.

Your daughter and younger son sound perfectly normal for their ages. I know most parents want their babies to be babies forever, but since it doesn't work like that you've got to be able to accept the people they are now.

Mach said:

My mom's got that magnet too.

Flowers2 said:

Yeah, because beating a child is always a good idea.

I don't want to jack this thread into one about corporal punishment, but why in Christ's name is it acceptable to smack a child, but not an adult? Personally, I think it's for the exact reason you mentioned: An adult can defend themselves.

meow85 said:

yes, it is a good idea.. beating the kid gets that foolishness out of them at a young age, when they get older, they think twice about their actions... .. teaches them to fear authority.. that's what wrong with these kids today.. no fear of authority .. I don't mean child abuse.. there's nothing wrong with a few smacks to the hindside and legs... it's too late when they hit 12 and up.. they are no longer teachable.. they've made up their own minds by then to do what they want..

There's nothing you can do with your hand that you can't do with a loud voice and followed through consequences.

Smacking does nothing, really. Time out is incredibly effective as is confiscating favourite toys.

purplesweat said:

paintedlady said:

My five year old does that.





But we always get the giggles after.

purplesweat said:

your opinion... talking does nothing... I've seen the results of 'no talking and all action' .. that's why they behave when a belt comes into the picture... all that stress of yelling.. forget that.. visuals are more effect lol ..

Flowers2 said:

And what about all those kids who were never hit and turn out alright? What about those countries where physical punishment is actually illegal, and yet they have lower crime and delinquency rates than countries where it'd okay to hit your kids?


Besides, on a moral level, doing good simply out of fear or to avoid punishment doesn't mean much. Wouldn't it be more productive to teach people to respect authority, not to fear it? You don't respect something you're afraid of.
[Edited 10/22/08 21:52pm]

Flowers2 said:

Pain beats rationality. Gotcha.

meow85 said: