ZombieKitten said:

I don't think 'church' and 'society' and so many of the issues of socialization are necessarily everything that makes up our morality. Is it possible that there is a natural conflict between the primitive drive MF's talking about and an equally inherent, ingrained morality in our genetic make-up that is just as natural at our most basic level? Perhaps we naturally have this conflict. Who's to say we're not born feeling that something is wrong, but also with the inherent propensity to want to do it anyway because of another aspect of our natural urges?

MuthaFunka said:

Dude, ain't nuthin' cool about being with someone and bonin' on the side. Stay single.

MuthaFunka said:

but WHY!!!!
really, all conditioning aside, and take it for what it is, a primitive drive if you will, why is it so incompatible with the way it SHOULD be according to the church and society - and why did THEY evolve against the grain of a man's natural urges?

ZombieKitten said:

Because most people NEED rules to function in life. Again, something we've been taught from as young as we can remember. And religion itself is full of contradictions, so I won't EVEN go there!

MuthaFunka said:

oh this is typical, but you right... let's not even start there

I'm not a violent person, but I know the county jail has a penthouse with my name on it if I catch a muthafucka that I REALLY love cheating.

Dating 101: The Truth About Why Men Cheat

Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.

By Nicole Yorio from Redbook

Photo: Forest Woodward/iStock

Updated: Oct 15, 2008
RATING THIS ARTICLE

Average (1004 votes)

What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. "Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys?" he thought. So for his new book, "The Truth About Cheating," Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity -- including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:
More Dating Articles from Redbook:
Diary of an Affair
8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is to have physical intimacy with someone," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness -- and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."

Full article: http://dating.personals.y...fwXz8azJV4

SCNDLS said:

Are you saying that when you really LOVE a man you would instantly HATE his ass when he cheats on you, but when you don't really love him, you wouldn't care so much?

VenusBlingBling said:

Because we don't and don't want to understand women's signal-language!


http://prince.org/msg/100/286240

Tremolina said:

I didn't say anything about instantly hate. What I said was if
A. I was in a mutually committed and monogamous relationship and he cheated I'd be prone to trying my best to fuck his ass up in one way, shape, or form. Irrational I know, but that's how I feel.

B. However, If we're not in a committed relationship and it's been agreed that we're gonna do our own thing then I don't care what he does as long as he's safe and doesn't give me any diseases cuz if he does, then B goes back to A and I'ma try to fuck his ass up.

MuthaFunka said:

Dude, ain't nuthin' cool about being with someone and bonin' on the side. Stay single.

Stymie said:

Agreed.

And I don't buy the "I wasn't built that way" argument for a second. Men CAN and DO stay faithful. It is possible.

But, of course, if you know you can't/don't want to, then don't say you will.

It's pretty simple, really.

CarrieMpls said:

oh, i'm sure the reasoning is that lying to make it possible is 'natural' too.

Bottom line: You'd cheat too if you were married to this.

Imago said:

I find that incredibly offensive.

.. and you know what.. in some cases, good for her why? cause that's what the man gets for messing over his woman... now in other cases, the man has to be doing something really wrong, for the chick to want to invest her emotions and energy elsewhere. something is lacking there.. communication to fix it should be the answer to that.. but you have people who don't hear what their significant other is saying..

Variety. Hell, never having sex with another person is like going to rent the same porno movie over and over again. Who does that?

CarrieMpls said:

ok ok.

What I meant was. given the right circumstances, conditinos, and opportunities, men are always prone to cheat. Sure, it sucks. Sure there are a few who break that pattern. But it just happens.
the only reason why heterosexual men are less promiscous than homosexual men is one of such circumstances and opportunies. Being married to Hilary clinton of course, would fall in one of the afore mentioned catogories, whether it's fair or not.

Imago said:

I still don’t understand what it has to do with cheating. If you want to be able to fuck anyone any time wherever whatever, don’t tell someone you won’t. Don’t make a commitment you can’t keep. And if you decide later you need to break that, have the decency and balls to tell your partner first. If you have problems with your partner, cheating sure as hell isn’t going to fix anything.
It’s being a greedy selfish bastard and the dishonesty that I find so abhorrent.

And as for Hillary, I find it offensive that you say it’s a woman’s fault that a man cheats. It’s called blaming the victim. It’s bullshit.

CarrieMpls said:

that was very heartfelt but doesn't change the fact that it's normal.

much more normal than folks would like to think.

Men cheat.

Again, I'm sure some dork will come on here and say he has NEVEr and NEVEr will, etc. etc... And I personally would not cheat. I think it's kind of sloppy and inconsiderate.

BUT... It's everywhere. It simply happens. I'm not for advocating blaming the vvictim. I'm just saying if I was married to Hilary, I'd cheat on her ass post haste.

I've been studying the chemistry/biology of love and attachment recently. It's complicated, of course, but here's a summary of what I've learned:


Women and men are different, but not that different. We are wired to fall in love (dopamine and norepi), and sex/orgasms cause us to form attachment (this is more prominent in women d/t oxytocin; for men, it's more about vasopressin). After a period of several years (4-7 is common), this attachment tends to fade for both genders. This corresponds with the amount of time it takes to get a child to some level of self-sufficiency. Feeling attached long enough to raise a child is normal for our species. Life-long pair-bonding isn't. Monogamy isn't, especially for men.

Now, of COURSE we are social animals who take a lot from our cultures. Our behavior doesn't necessarily follow our biology. But I think most of us can recognize the pattern.


I'd like to point out that we don't have to choose between monogamy and cheating. It is possible to be openly non-monogamous. Lots of us do it. It's not without complications, but . . . I prefer to face occasional jealousy than to face lying/cheating, personally. Plus, I get to connect with wonderful people. . . physically, emotionally, intellectually . . . without feeling bad about it. My only real complaint is that it sucks up a lot of time/energy, and so I completely understand what Fauxie said.

tackam said:

And that's exactly what I'm talking about. Not making commitments you aren't willing to keep.

Granted, I'm not willing to be with someone who's not willing to commit to me, and if that means I'm single forever, so be it. We'll ALL be happier if we're just honest with each other.

Stymie said:

Agreed.

And I don't buy the "I wasn't built that way" argument for a second. Men CAN and DO stay faithful. It is possible.

But, of course, if you know you can't/don't want to, then don't say you will.

It's pretty simple, really.

Flowers2 said:

So the concept of a man in the above position doesn't exist in some minds? I know plenty of guys here in the military who do it all....invest everything into their wives and fams...then get deployed overseas to a hot combat zone and the wife hooks up, shacks up in the fam home, spends all the cash (since our pay goes up while we're deployed), and abandons him high and dry with all the bills....which, incidentally, the Soldier is held responsible for..

....it just seems to me that, as I've interpreted your response, many folks feel that it's out of the realm of possibility that a woman would cheat for the same reasons a man would...plain, simple, selfish gratification...

Imago said:

I still don’t understand what it has to do with cheating. If you want to be able to fuck anyone any time wherever whatever, don’t tell someone you won’t. Don’t make a commitment you can’t keep. And if you decide later you need to break that, have the decency and balls to tell your partner first. If you have problems with your partner, cheating sure as hell isn’t going to fix anything.
It’s being a greedy selfish bastard and the dishonesty that I find so abhorrent.

And as for Hillary, I find it offensive that you say it’s a woman’s fault that a man cheats. It’s called blaming the victim. It’s bullshit.