ZombieKitten said:

had me worried for a hot sec there!!

reneGade20 said:

I'm not arguing anyone's point, it just makes me think

Fauxie said:

I also married on that premise, but I was young and naive back then

MuthaFunka said:

Well of course we're all socialized, and for me I was brought up by two loving parents with a good marriage, so I respect marriage and certainly value fidelity, but what are you really saying? I've learned to find someone who makes me truly happy, or in some way been tricked into finding them and being happy? What's really your point if I am truly happy and there is no way in reality to arrive at that point, in the way you term it, 'naturally'? This is all there is. Do people learn to love their children? What would it really mean if they did? As opposed to what?

ZombieKitten said:

It's not uncommon it seems. It's impossible for any of us to know exactly how things will turn out.

You should cuddle up and watch 'Midsomer Murders' with the master.

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[Edited 10/20/08 19:45pm]

ThreadBare said:

yeah, they should be upfront about what they are.. too much energy goes into being in love and there are people who do want to invest in a love relationship, even men ..

Fauxie said:

we prefer Kurt Wallander on a Sunday night

Fauxie said:

Yes, you're taught to be faithful. You're bombarded with it as early as you can remember. Your parents tell you this. Your siblings tell you this. Your friends tell you this. Think about it, how come you were never bombarded with "Cheating is acceptable"? . Hell, the term "cheating" tells you you're "supposed" to be monogamous.

Also, you can't compare "love of child" with any of this, because THAT love is unconditional and natural.

MuthaFunka said:

In as much as anyone is "taught" something -- whether by their parents or by life experiences -- you can say I've been taught the benefits of being faithful to my woman. Sure.

Not "taught" as in brainwashed.

MuthaFunka said:

also an excellent example is the mob metality these threads get of bitter mfs

ThreadBare said:

Well...tuh-MAH-toe/tuh-MAY-toe .

MuthaFunka said:

Supa, is that you?

ZombieKitten said:

i was in love once, or so i thought. that turned to shit. i took a long look at myself and realized i was just the same.

ThreadBare said:

reneGade20 said:

.. and you know what.. in some cases, good for her why? cause that's what the man gets for messing over his woman... now in other cases, the man has to be doing something really wrong, for the chick to want to invest her emotions and energy elsewhere. something is lacking there.. communication to fix it should be the answer to that.. but you have people who don't hear what their significant other is saying..

MuthaFunka said:

But, check it from this angle, man: What does the myth of "pulling" a bunch of different ladies say about a man. On a basic level, it ceases to be about the thrill of conquest and more about a dude's self-esteem issues.

MuthaFunka said:

In your opinion, based on your life experiences, not mine. We've lived different lives so there's a possibility it is the same for others and you just wouldn't know it. There's no getting around that. You can't empathise with everyone.

And yes, I was 'bombarded' with experiences of two happy parents in love with each other, combined with seeing examples of broken marriages and unhappy relationships among family, friends, on TV, in the newspapers etc., all of which I am sure contributed to my behaviour and choices in finding a partner and settling down happily in a monogamous relationship. But maybe I'll try really hard just for you, to try to want to cheat, so that I can experience less happiness than I already do.

ThreadBare said:

one word dude: .. lonely .... look at Prince.. he's a prime example..

MuthaFunka said:

But we are, mutha...we are. Don't you watch The Young & the Restless?

It ain't about a heart you find
It's about the one inside
It's about the love you hide
It's waitin' to be let outside

And it ain't about losing your mind
But if you happen to, that's fine
But there’s only one way to shine
And it's called trying to live

Freely, freely meu coracao
Freely, freely meu coracao
I'd like to live that way
I'd like to live that way

And my mother may not understand
Why I’m the way that I am
But i love her and I wanna let her in (do you love her?)
Get to know a friend

And now we gotta take some time
Get to know each other our whole lives
And I call on you to remind
Nothing's really mine
Except for

Freedom, freedom en meu coracao
Freedom, freedom en meu coracao
I'd like to live that way
Oh I'd wanna stay stay that way

You ever seen anything as kind
As the wind blowing by
I've never seen anything as wise
As the sun rise that shines

Freely, freely en meu coracao
Freely, freely meu coracao
I'd like to live that way
Oh I'd wanna live that way

noimageatall said:

I was going to say something similar, albeit less witty. I'm not sure we're not taught that in this day and age.

ThreadBare said:

But that's just another example of the social construct that you've been brought up in and familiarized with. The "thrill of the conquest" IS in fact natural. The SUPPRESSION of that need to conquer ISN'T natural. That's why you were TOLD (taught) to be faithful rather than told to be unfaithful. We're TAUGHT that if you remain with ONE CHICK then that makes you a strong man. It does. Why? Because the NATURAL URGE is to jerk out everything in the room. It takes strength NOT to go and fuck that fine broad that you KNOW wants to fuck you.

Fauxie said:

Well, MOST people's love for their children IS unconditional. However, love for your mate does in fact come with conditions.

noimageatall said:

Aw dayum! My bad!

My former best friend's story relates to this.

He married a girl and they had a baby boy a year and half ago. He's always been a bit of a ladies man and has cheated on women in the past. Then he started telling me about 6 months back about how he was sleeping with women he'd been teaching at his school. They'd give him stuff and pay for fancy hotel rooms, and his wife knew about it and was ok with it. He said he had a high sex drive and that his wife understood that he just needed to have more sex than his wife could give. She told my wife and I to our faces that she was ok with it. He was really very boastful and super confident and buzzing at that time, talking about how he'd got it made, but I could sense something in him even then that was uneasy and insecure. I said I didn't think it was a good idea and that the whole idea was alien to me and hard for me to get my head around, which upset him. I did say I just wanted him to be happy so if he really was then it was cool. I tried to stay friends with him but he would get angry all the time and say he felt I was judging him. One night about 3 months ago we went out to some bars together for a drink and the evening concluded around 4am with us completely hammered, drinking beer on the sly out of plastic cups in the only place that was open and him crying. He said he'd become emotionally involved with the girl. He said I'd been right. He and his wife have now divorced and we've fallen out of touch.

MuthaFunka said:

Women are hardwired into trying to keep the family group together. For the benefit of their children, I'd imagine. It's in our, and our offspring's best interest.
Did you know if a woman chooses a mate merely on "providing" qualities, she is likely to cheat around ovulation time (to get better genes? think all those dad's unwittingly raising other men's children). I saw it in some study on TV
Why does a man sow his oats far and wide? Also something to do with mixing up the genes I'd guess

Fauxie said:

oh gosh you poor thing

MuthaFunka said:

I wouldn't presume to KNOW for sure how others regard their love for their children or mate, and whether it's unconditional or conditional. Since it's not possible to empathise with everyone it's all just opinions. I'm wary of what are irrefutably opinions being put forward as facts, but I take your point on board.

Fauxie said:

It is confusing. Don't cheat...(look at that hot girl in the shampoo commercial faking an orgasm)...Don't cheat...(But that guy on MySpace was so hot, and I thought no one would find out)...Don't cheat...(I swear I am NOT the daddy!That baby don't even look like me!)...Don't cheat...(But he/she doesn't understand the real me.)

Whateva...I'm staying single.

ZombieKitten said:

Men are just whores sweetie.