Dating 101: The Truth About Why Men Cheat

Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity.

By Nicole Yorio from Redbook

Photo: Forest Woodward/iStock

Updated: Oct 15, 2008
RATING THIS ARTICLE

Average (1004 votes)

What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife's point of view. "Wouldn't it make more sense to ask the guys?" he thought. So for his new book, "The Truth About Cheating," Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men's infidelity -- including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:
More Dating Articles from Redbook:
Diary of an Affair
8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is to have physical intimacy with someone," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness -- and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."

Full article: http://dating.personals.y...fwXz8azJV4

VenusBlingBling said:

oh thanks yahoo non-news. like i need to read this shit here and there.

Do people really care about this?

Some years ago there was a TV document on British private investigators - whose main form of employment these days is to gather evidence on adultery instead of solving murder mysteries like back in the good old days - and all of them seemed to concur that in almost all cases where the man was cheating, the woman he was cheating with was long-haired if the wife of the man had cut her hair short.

That's pretty... interesting, I guess.

Men are people too? With feelers? Rilly?


Yeah. Men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat:

- they aren't happy in their relationships
- fucking new people is, like, incredibly fun
- we are not monogamous animals

tackam said:

That just about sums it up.

Men cheat....because they CAN. Simple as that. A man is only as faithful as his options.

yahoo posts this every few months and the answers are always the same...

and do we really need it every few months?

Actually, that thing makes it sound almost like if it's perfectly reasonable to cheat.

I downloaded a copy of that study...it was available on Oprah's website...I haven't read it as of yet but then, I don't need another yahoo trying to tell me what I PERSONALLY know....

...my reasons were my own, but primarily I found it hard to resist the charms of a 19 year old....especially since the onset of my own mid-life crisis at 36...it was an ego thing, plain and simple...opportunity presented and taken...

...and before y'all start slamming, yes, I was found out...yes, I almost lost everything...and yes, my wife forgave me and we've put our humpty dumpty back together.....

poor self image and the need for perpetual reassure that they are likeable.

could it be that we just like to fuck?
could it be that simple?

sex is the answer to everything

ehuffnsd said:

I never read it before

men cheat cause WOMEN are RETARDED! ! ! ! !

novabrkr said:

Actually I also read something interesting about hair cutting. Women often do it to signify a new start, to turn over a new leaf, a change is as good as a holiday etc. Like after getting married uh oh!

Women should try their men like a man, don't withhold sex as punishment, stroke their man's ego, give him the attention he craves.

Stymie said:

ThreadBare said:

Pretty much.

Stymie said:

ThreadBare said:

yeah, but wait... even with that.. some men are still shallow.. they don't appreciate what they have til they mess it up.. it's their nature... the woman could give her all and he'll still cheat ..now that movie 'Fatal Attraction'.. (I know that's a character, but there are men like M.Douglas from this) .. what legit reason do men like the M.Douglas character have for betrayal? wife beautiful to him as well as beautiful herself.. and .. why do men cheat with women who are less attractive than their wife/girlfriend?

Flowers2 said:

I wonder about this myself. I've just seen it happen with two friends. The husband had it all -- beautiful/solid/good wife, adorable children, a phat house, working in ministry, etc. -- and dude has stepped away from all that and had affairs.

I don't get it.

Flowers2 said:

I think my response kinda dovetails with yours....as a partial answer to this question.....
[Edited 10/20/08 19:12pm]

ThreadBare said:

Because HE CAN. Monogamy isn't normal. Society FORCES us to be and think monogamously yet nature SCREAMS for us to be polygamous. Are there other factors? Yes, but they all fall under the fact that monogamy isn't normal. It's a battle - a constant struggle - for most people, especially men, to keep the dick for JUST ONE CHICK.

Ask ANY male here if they'd rather be able to fuck multiple women AND keep a "regular relationship" with someone special without ANY consequences and 99.99999% would say HELL YEAH! . The others that wouldn't are either lyin' or brainwashed into thinking it's normal to be with just one woman.

Yes, I know, you chicks don't wanna hear that but that shit's the truth!

Flowers2 said:

obviously it isn't all about looks.

I had a friend who was stunning. While her boyfriend was travelling he hooked up with someone else. He sent home his undeveloped films and she had them processed and found a lot of photos of a very pretty girl, got very jealous and confronted him on the phone. He admitted he had cheated, but it was NOT with the pretty one, it was with the average one always standing NEXT to the pretty one in the pictures. So my friend was like "phew!" and I was thinking that is almost kind of worse, cause there is obviously something more to the attraction then, something WAY deeper - I'd probably be even MORE worried if I was cheated on with someone less attractive than me

MuthaFunka said:

IXNAY IXNAY!!! That's classified info you're puttin' out there!!!

reneGade20 said:

Dawg, DEEP DOWN, they ALREADY know, they just don't want to admit it!

reneGade20 said:

Like I wouldn't mind a little meat on the side if that was socially acceptable
NOT JUST MEN, people!

Although the opportunity arises all the time, I DO manage to keep it in my pants, or OUT of my pants as it may be

MuthaFunka said:

There's certainly a drive to do whatever feels right to a person. It's not just about sex -- it can touch upon all sorts of different aspects of your life. But being able to decide to resist those drives, when doing so will help preserve more-important aspects of one's life (wife, family, progress, etc.) is something people typically ascribe to being grown-up. It's handling your business.

I get the temptation, for sure. But, I think history's as full of men who've said, "Nope. I love my wife," as it is with men who've said, "Yes, please."

MuthaFunka said:

Careful....some of the guys here might label you as a

MuthaFunka said:

So, if monogamy is abnormal for men, do you think it's also abnormal for women?