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PrintableZombieKitten said: Whilst your theory is interesting, and probably true in some cases, in mine it sure isn't!
 I have always had males friends, since I'm one of the guys. It is simply just easier to be with them. I am not expected to divulge secrets or confess stuff, or match stories (as in the case of girlfriends, who bond using the information exchange, which I find totally draining) we can just hang out, have a few beers, tell rude jokes or be obnoxious. MUCH easier 
Long term friendships are of course a whole different deal. A very good way to form male-female friendships is also just simply befriending the one's in your larger social group, say, your workplace and so on. There's definitely nothing odd or questionable about that. What I do find questionable however is this active befriending of individuals you don't even really know, or wouldn't have known otherwise had they not expressed a romantical (or "sexual", these days) interest to begin with. The most obvious example is the scenario where the guy has asked the girl out, she hasn't been interested in him.and says she wants "to be just friends". The problem seems to be in many cases that the mutual chemisty level hasn't been sufficient in the first place for even a friendship. So you don't have to even express an interest to be "friends", and drag the poor guy(s) along, In enviromentes like universities - where there are a plenty of possibilities to meet a lot of people constantly - it's just obvious that it is the females with the best looks who'll just end up with the most "male friends". It's like High School all over, even if some of the students would have had started their studies in their 30s.
If I kept in proper contact with every single female I have not ended up in a relationship with, I wouldn't have any freetime for myself. I would be constantly "seeing" them on the town for a cup of coffee or something. And that's not even what "friendship" is about, it's not about just seeing every now and then because of some sort of social obligation. Friendship cannot be forced (oddly enough, many romantical relationships would seem to rather forced on the other hand). So, it's perfectly okay for the female in most cases to just push the guy back altogether, Befriend only those that you truly want to befriend, it's not just some consolation price for all those you don't want to be romantically linked with - and furthermore no woman can be forced to take a romantical interest in any man. Persistent guys should come in terms with that. It's usually the sensitive poet boys and the too-good-guys who'll get hurt, but they'll have to get over it too. They're often the ones who don't understand the "no", because they feel like they haven't deserved it. All the jocks and the jackasses will understand easier (to put it in high school speak). meow95 said: Of course, a lot of women just have a lot of male friends because they happen to enjoy their friendship. It's not always about ulterior motives.
Which is why I wrote people should be honest with themselves. I can easily confess to having kept in touch with some individuals of the opposite sex, because I enjoy even the small excitement remaining there, or even wanting to be seen with this attractive person in public. Or some stupid shit like that.  | |
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novabrkr said: ZombieKitten said: Whilst your theory is interesting, and probably true in some cases, in mine it sure isn't!
I have always had males friends, since I'm one of the guys. It is simply just easier to be with them. I am not expected to divulge secrets or confess stuff, or match stories (as in the case of girlfriends, who bond using the information exchange, which I find totally draining) we can just hang out, have a few beers, tell rude jokes or be obnoxious. MUCH easier
Long term friendships are of course a whole different deal. A very good way to form male-female friendships is also just simply befriending the one's in your larger social group, say, your workplace and so on. There's definitely nothing odd or questionable about that. What I do find questionable however is this active befriending of individuals you don't even really know, or wouldn't have known otherwise had they not expressed a romantical (or "sexual", these days) interest to begin with. The most obvious example is the scenario where the guy has asked the girl out, she hasn't been interested in him.and says she wants "to be just friends". The problem seems to be in many cases that the mutual chemisty level hasn't been sufficient in the first place for even a friendship. So you don't have to even express an interest to be "friends", and drag the poor guy(s) along, In enviromentes like universities - where there are a plenty of possibilities to meet a lot of people constantly - it's just obvious that it is the females with the best looks who'll just end up with the most "male friends". It's like High School all over, even if some of the students would have had started their studies in their 30s.
If I kept in proper contact with every single female I have not ended up in a relationship with, I wouldn't have any freetime for myself. I would be constantly "seeing" them on the town for a cup of coffee or something. And that's not even what "friendship" is about, it's not about just seeing every now and then because of some sort of social obligation. Friendship cannot be forced (oddly enough, many romantical relationships would seem to rather forced on the other hand). So, it's perfectly okay for the female in most cases to just push the guy back altogether, Befriend only those that you truly want to befriend, it's not just some consolation price for all those you don't want to be romantically linked with - and furthermore no woman can be forced to take a romantical interest in any man. Persistent guys should come in terms with that. It's usually the sensitive poet boys and the too-good-guys who'll get hurt, but they'll have to get over it too. They're often the ones who don't understand the "no", because they feel like they haven't deserved it. All the jocks and the jackasses will understand easier (to put it in high school speak). meow95 said: Of course, a lot of women just have a lot of male friends because they happen to enjoy their friendship. It's not always about ulterior motives.
Which is why I wrote people should be honest with themselves. I can easily confess to having kept in touch with some individuals of the opposite sex, because I enjoy even the small excitement remaining there, or even wanting to be seen with this attractive person in public. Or some stupid shit like that. I think you answered it very well yourself!
Totally agree. I think if the chemistry IS NOT THERE, these "odd" male/female "friendships" wouldn't occur. That said, just the chemistry alone isn't enough for the guy to get a look in. The reluctance to let go of him, is another matter  like you said, it could be exactly like you said, wanting to appear popular or whatever. | |
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it's not your fault if some guy reads your signals wrong... life's too short to be worrying about this kinda stuff.... i say just be yourself and if a dude gets it wrong set him straight... but don't sweat it | |
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Wearing a t-shirt saying "No chance in hell I'm gonna let U fuck me." |
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