I think we do worry about having it all. we typically don't really worry about it, though, until we (come close to losing or actually) lose part of that puzzle.

ThreadBare said:

I'm not sure I'd consider that really the same thing. Everyone worries about losing their family or their work or both. But why don't men on the whole feel guilt about trying to combine the two? Why should only women have to worry about bad parenting and being selfish if they want or need to have a job? How many men are concerned that they might be bad fathers if they're not there waiting when the kids get home from school?

meow85 said:

I meant that men tend to be more likely to define ourselves by our success at a thing.

SUPRMAN said:

Then why do women get married? To slave double duty for a career and a family, then get guilted out because of it?

ThreadBare said:

What about being succesful as a parent? There doesn't seem to be the same concern about balancing the family and work.

meow85 said:

it's because of Bridal Magazines and WEDDINGS, still buying into happily ever after, which has now been labelled "supermum" - which makes it sound desirable, when really it's just a big pain in the arse that prevents you from doing what you really want.

ZombieKitten said:

I hate bridal magazines. If I ever end up actually getting married instead of just co-habitating, I'm vowing now never to pick one up. The whole happily ever after thing is a myth. There's no "ever after", there's just what's happening tomorrow.

Perhaps women worry about having it all because they've been led to believe it's easy?

Women who have outside jobs and children are always so concerned about their work/life balance. Rightly so, IMO. It can be tough to work enough to pay the bills, yet not so much you end up missing out on your kids.

So how come this doesn't seem to be a big issue for men? Certainly there are individual males who are concerned, but I don't see this on the same grand scale as women. Men are rarely seen to be fussing over whether they can be an executive and a father the same way women do over being an executive and a mother. Many women worry they're not doing their jobs as parents if they go outside of the home to work, often feeling guilty even if the job was taken out of economic necessity. But when's the last time, say, a popular men's magazine ran an article addressing their readers' fears of being inadequate fathers for taking outside jobs?

Why is this difference? Is it a leftover from traditional gender roles? And if that's the case, why weren't men concerned in the first place? Since it's more-or-less agreed upon that children need both male and female role models, why don't more men seem to be as concerned as women about balancing parenthood and a job?

Take in point Sarah Palin. Nevermind anything else about her or her shaky qualifications, why is she (Or Hilary, or any other female politician) being asked if she's suitable for the job because she's a mother, but men in politics who are fathers are not being questioned? Isn't this just playing into the idea that women can't adequately do both, and reinforcing fears of neglect?

Excellent questions, meow, throughout the thread, but c'mon, where have you been? - It's a patriarchal word we live in, wake up!

We need action & reaction for sure, but where to start, I don't know...

Flo6 said:

Obviously we're living in a patriarchal system, but what I'm interested in is how did we arrive at that point and what is it that's keeping us here. I think a big part of the current problem is complicitness on the parts of both men and women. We just accept that things are because they've always been, and most of us don't seem to want to genuinely try to challenge that.

Men have 'have it all-lists. What's on the list just differs from women. Men's lists are just a bit more primal and not so prone to trends.
They wanna have a fast car.
They wanna ace as many women as they can.
That's it, basically.

HamsterHuey said:

I don't.

HamsterHuey said:

I don't.

Men have 'have it all-lists. What's on the list just differs from women. Men's lists are just a bit more primal and not so prone to trends.
They wanna have a fast car.
They wanna ace as many women as they can.
That's it, basically.

HamsterHuey said:

What about womens' "having it all" lists do you think is prone to trends?

meow85 said:

I wanna be thin.
I wanna have big tits.
I wanna have a husband, two kids (one boy, one girl), a big house and a succesful job.
I wanna go to an Oprah show taping.
I wanna have a hairless body.
I wanna have a tribal tattoo just above my ass crack.

I might forget some.