I'll start,

When I was living in Maryland<- one of my employees said that he was late because he had left the dome light on in his car and killed the battery. It would have been a viable reason if another employee hadn't said the exact same line the day before.

In reality, he was stalking is ex by waiting for her at the airport. He was waiting for the Salt Lake to Baltimore flight. No flight number and not knowing if she changed planes else where...

and you?

train had a flat battery

I had an employee pop a zit at work and he said that he needed to go home because he didn't feel well...

I won't have to quote The Donald for you to know what happened...

RenHoek said:

we had a workmate who kept going to work even though he had a boil on his neck it was so big. Someone wrote a "W" on either side of it.