Okay-real talk here Some time ago my best friend told me that she was a lesbian She told me that she had been through so much with men and just got tired of being abused by them-that she chose to be with a woman. We'll that wasn't what bothered me-what really got me was that I was the last person she told She told me that she didn't want me to stop talking to her like some of her so called friends had done She said that she didn't know how to tell me-she told her parents and her daughter and it took them forever to accept her new life choice. I've known her since we were 12-she's 35 and I'm 36 she's like my little sister. I can honestly say that I don't understand her reason for being Lesbian, but I am trying (Please don't be mad at me for this and I don't mean to offend). It really still hurts me that she thought that I would not love her anymore-we talk everyday, but I've never told her my feelings. What do you think? I'm I wrong for feeling this way? Should I be more supportive? Please help me understand a little better

Despite not knowing what a difficult process that must be for some I'll go out on a limb and say that she was probably very afraid of losing you as her best friend.

That said, if you still love & care for her, as best friends should, then just go with the flow. You should continue to talk to her about her feelings and maybe through that conversation you'll gain better understanding of why she feels the way she does. Being homosexual shouldn't be such a big deal anyway...


a straight guy's

OK, just to get it over with: you're just pissed cause she doesn't want to be a lesbian with YOU.

j/k




OK seriously?
She obviously cares a lot what you think and has been agonising over what you are going to think of her. Let her know it's not the lesbian thing, you can learn to accept that (and sounds like she knows already your views on it, making it even harder for her), but the fact that you were LAST to know and since you value your friendship, you found that hurtful.

Hi baby!!!!!



You shouldn't be insulted honey. Fear is a huge motivator. It sounds like you were the last safety zone she had and considering her experience with other people and how they reacted, she felt it was too huge a risk to take a chance that you'd have the same reaction that most of the people she told had.

Be glad that she was finally able to trust you and be open. It's so scary coming out. Scary as hell I'm glad she has such a wonderful friend as you

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

better to listen to Supa, at least he knows what he's talkin' about...

nurseV said:

Maybe she picked up on that vibe....and maybe she didn't want to have to see that inadvertant look of confusion or "disappointment" and say "oh no, not you too" to her best friend....yeah?

I say that because my sis said that to me when she finally told me that she was a lesbian.....

"She told me that she had been through so much with men and just got tired of being abused by them-that she chose to be with a woman"
You can choose you orientation now?

reneGade20 said:

RE

NE

GADE!!!!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

HEY SUPA!!

I was beginning to think there was no love for me anymore.....shameless plug!!

reneGade20 said:

Well this is the first time I seen you in months! You should know better. I never stop stalking!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Well I just got back to my unit a couple of weeks ago...I was at an Air Force base in Cocoa Beach, Florida taking the Equal Opportunity Advisor's course and it was WAYYY more demanding academically than any military course I've ever attended...long story short, not a whole lot of time for the 'net...

I know better.....

Your friend is coming out as a lesbian not because she's attracted to women, but because she's tired of being treated like crap by men?

I'm with you. I don't understand that reason.

sextonseven said:

My friend Pam said the same thing, she was married and has 2 (now grown) kids. She was attracted to women all along, but never pursued it until she was 100% sure men weren't for her - unfortunately it took her a long time

RenHoek said:

Thanks 4 ur honest answer-I do try to go with the flow. She tells me about her relationship all the time and I try to be supportive. I just wondered if it was appropriate to tell her that my feelings were hurt? Maybe I'm being selfish and should worry about her now and not myself

ZombieKitten said:

sounds to me like the abuse is an excuse to justify the choice because I have been in horrid relationships and it didn't push me into the arms of a woman

ZombieKitten said:

Yeah that last to know thing bothers me all the time. I don't bring it up because she tells me that her mother has said so many hurtful things to her-I just don't want to hurt her too.

ZombieKitten said:

But stating its because shes tired of beeing treated like crap is a bad excuse, dosent sound like a real lesbian too me.
At least shes bi, but tired of men.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thanks Supa You always tell me the truth I never looked at it that way-maybe she told me last because she already knew that no matter what-I'd still love her.

reneGade20 said:

Vibe? I've never said anything to her to make her feel like I had something against Lesbians-because I don't-HELL I've thought about it myself I was just disappointed that she thought so little of me-but now I can see Supa's point

nurseV said:

I'm a grown man and I'm just coming around to telling my grandma. I've been out for 20 years!

ZombieKitten said:

That's different. Your friend was attracted to women all along. What if this other person had met a very nice man that treated her like a queen. Would she still come out as a lesbian?

sextonseven said:

Well, she has been physically and mentally abused-she is very attractive, but I don't know why she just wouldn't ask for strength from God to get over it. I may be wrong but I don't think that's a valid reason to start dating the same sex

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

OMG!

nurseV said:

A beaten dog won't trust most humans. Well maybe that's a bad analogy as you've never seen a dog dating a cat

nurseV said:

Sounds more like bi-curious too me, you cant turn of your hetero-feelings can you?

Gimmesomehorns said:

My friend decided to come out and live her life the way that was best for her. She is 65 now, she could never have come out in the 60s she didn't DECIDE to become a lesbian, she was one all along.
I don't doubt NurseV's friend has always been BI. I guess she has just made a choice now and her unfortunate relationships with men have been the catalyst.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Bad analogy but true

nurseV said:

well, if it's clear to her that you wouldn't understand why someone would have a "reason" for being gay, you're going to have to understand that your position on the matter doesn't exactly make it easy for a person to come out of the closet to you.

it's hard enough coming out to people who are completely understanding.

i think you need to just appreciate that the process is not easy for her and quit personalizing the fact that you weren't the first person she told. if it's hard for you to accept and if she knows you well at all, she probably knew you would be a tough nut to crack. so own your problems with acceptance and realize that the issues you have with homosexuality probably knocked you down a few pegs on the "people to tell" list.

but at least she told you. that's the important thing.

if you want to be supportive, you're going to have to work on your issues with understanding and acceptance. that, or else you're just going to have to tell her that you love her just the same, but you're probably not the best person for her to be open and candid with.

Gimmesomehorns said:

I don't know if she was bi-curious, but she did tell me that while she was in Atlanta she dated men and also went to gay and lesbian bars-so maybe she was just feeling her way

also:

it's not a choice, unless you consider honesty a choice.

which, i guess, you can fool yourself into believing, but a point always comes when honesty is no longer a choice and you have to face up to who you are.

something to think about.