I saw this at the Bowie site and thought it was pretty funny :

THE MAN-UAL

PREFACE
The following text was written for (and by) men. Now at first glance, the reader may be indignant. "An entire book of rules that I have to obey? What happens to my individuality? What happens to my freedom?" Take heart. Most of you already observe these rules, and will be fully willing to adopt any you don't on the faith that your fellow men will follow your example. Remember, it may inconvenience us individually, but the more men follow these rules, the better off we all are. Furthermore, the Man-ual is so much more than a mere book of rules. It is a guide, one that can drive us down the road to manhood (shotgun) by telling us how to become better men for ourselves.

Rule #1-No mullets
There are no exceptions to rule #1, that's why it's the first one. It doesn't matter what you look like, how tall you are or how much you weigh: it doesn't look good on you, it doesn't look good on anyone. For the good of the children, just cut the fuckin' mullet.
Note: Celebrities, you are NOT exempt from this rule. We realize that it is your business to be avant garde and trendy, we also realize that there is a mild eighties revival going on. That doesn't make it okay. If you bring back the mullet, there will be WAR!

Rule #2-Just because you're gay doesn't mean you get to wear women's clothing
Homosexuality is fine. Asserting your homosexuality is fine. Wearing that midriff shirt is not. Gay or not, you're still a man, ergo, you must wear men's clothing. Transvestites: you are are exempt from this rule as long as we are clear on your gender. If a man starts hitting on you or vice versa, you are obligated to let him know within 10 minutes that you are male, otherwise you will be disbarred.

Rule #3-Bathe
Okay, so in high school, I knew this one guy who didn't shower. I mean people joke about that all the time like, "Dude, she needs to shower because she's fuckin' dirty as hell!" but he literally didn't shower. EVER! Isn't that fucking nasty?

Rule #4-The fact that the football player can bench press more than you means very little when you're fucking his girlfriend
Or so I've heard.

Rule #5-Don't be an ass around chicks
Spare us, P. Diddy, you're not in the least bit smooth. All you're doing is throwing the rest of us off our game. We're all trying to get laid here (women included) and, frankly, you're not helping.

Rule #6-If someone makes a guy-movie quote, be able to follow up
For example, if a friend says, "Why not just make ten louder?" reply, "These amps go up to eleven." laugh, and carry on the with the existing conversation as though nothing had transpired. If someone asks, simply reply, "Spinal Tap" and move on. This is a good one to do in front of women, it adds to your mystique.

Rule #7-Have a threesome with some hot Japanese twins
Go on, you owe it to yourself.

Rule #8-If not black or hispanic, turn down that rap music
We're sorry, but there are some things in life that just aren't fair. You and your frat-boy friends simply can't drive around town bumpin' to Ja Rule. You look ridiculous. If you're sufficiently alternative, then you may listen to alternative (good) rap such as Quasimoto, Jurassic 5, The Roots, or Peanut Butter Wolf. But spare us the turned up bass, you drive a fucking Altima.

Rule #9-Never say an unkind word about classic rock
It doesn't matter if you don't like their music, you must still respect such musicians as Muddy Waters, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, David Bowie, and Pink Floyd. (Note that Elvis is not on this list. Elvis was not an innovator, he was just dirty.) Without them, none of us are really men.

Rule #10-You are only allowed to insert "iz-n" in your words if it is clear that you are joking
Ice-T, we're talking to you. Shiz-nit, biz-nitch and numerous other creative words are allowed unless you're serious. If you really mean it when you say, "shizzle my nizzle" then you need to leave. That's right, get the fuck out of my apartment. And take that nasty-ass tequila you brought with you, I don't even want that shit.

Rule #11-At least once in your life, beat the shit out of a Nazi
Just think about it, there are six billion people in the world, approximately half of them them men. If we assume that 0.05% are nazis, then that makes 1.5 million of the little bastards. That's exactly 1.5 million too many. But just imagine if the other 2,998,500,000 of us each dedicate one day of our lives to beating some nazi-ass. That allows for a minimum of 1999 savage nazi-beatings per person per lifetime. I got a 550 on the math part of the SATs the first time I took them.

Rule #12-Not to steal Dave Barry's shtick, but wouldn't "Savage Nazi-Beatings" be a great name for a rock band?
Yes.

Rule #13-Never lose a friend to his girlfriend
It doesn't matter if she's the most hateful, psycho hose-beast in the world, don't let her come between you. If she's really that bad, tell him one time and then never again because the constant reminders will make him resent you.
If they get married, kill her.

Rule #14-Never let a group of girls put makeup on you
Put on your own damn makeup.

Rule #15-Don't shave your pubes
Jesus Christ, do we really have to tell you this? Leave 'em be! That is a non-negotiable hair area which you have no right to be messing with.

Rule #16-She's not hot, you're just drunk
Okay, after the first six Heinekens, you are no longer qualified to make that kind of decision. When in doubt, walk up to a friend and exclaim, "Damn! She is too fine!" while gesturing towards your prospective conquest. Your friend's natural skepticism will be triggered, and he will instinctively give you an objective response. "Dude," he'll say, "that's a coat rack." "But what a rack!" you'll say. You're such a character.

Rule #17-No burnouts
If you suddenly got flush when reading that sentence, then you may already be a hick and thus, beyond our help. For those that don't know, "burnouts" are when you lock your vehicle's front wheels while transferring your engine's power to your braked rear wheels. The end result is a lot of smoke, noise and tire tracks. Whoop-de-fuck. All you're doing is wearing out $400 worth of equipment so you can show off how much "torque" you have. Get a job.

Rule #18-Know something about politics
Not a whole lot, just enough to humiliate the people who don't know shit but are still emotionally invested in their opinions. When you talk politics, be scathing, but never lose your cool. Also, if you're the only one representing your viewpoint against a group of others, you can't win. Groups of people tend to create their own realities.

Rule #19-Call shotgun
It doesn't matter if you want it or not, just call it. The rules go as follows: both the driver and the caller must be in the parking lot within view of the car when shotgun is called. Situations meriting automatic shotgun: a) If the handle of the car door is touched before anyone calls shotgun b) Significant others receive automatic shotgun c) Anyone over 6'7" in height receives automatic shotgun. If there are two people over 6'7" in the group, the taller receives shotgun. If both are the same height, then there must be a fight to the death d) Certain handicaps (broken legs, paralysis, Turettes syndrome) warrant automatic shotgun.

Rule #20-Get the fuck out of the left lane
I should hope that this is a rule observed by all of you, but the left lane is for people going a minimum speed of 80 mph! In other words, mini vans, SUVs, RVs, semis, moving vans and old people need to get the fuck out of my lane! I will pass you on the right if I have to!

Rule #21-Adjust yourself in public
It doesn't matter where you are, an art museum, a job interview, a funeral, it's always a good time to adjust your balls. It's time we stood up and said something, because there's been a negative stigma about adjusting one's self since the Reagan administration (we blame Tom Selleck.) So if you're in the middle of a six hour coach ride with the Middlebury Connecticut Quilting Club and your boxers just aren't sitting right, don't despair. Just reach in there and set it right because you can.

Rule #22-Don't touch the stereo that isn't yours
Music is a very important thing to us all and so, when you make an attempt to adjust your friend's car stereo or put in one of your own CDs, you do so at the risk of your own life. If it's his car, you listen to his shit. If it's your car, he listens to your shit. You're free to make suggestions if you wish, but in the end, the decision is up to the owner of the equipment. Above all, do not touch without asking. If at a gathering with friends, alternate on CDs and don't fuck with the order or I shall strike you down with great vengeance and furious anger, and you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance on thee! Bitch.

Rule #23-Have you thought about graduate school?
Well? Have you? This is important, dammit!

Rule #24-Don’t cry in public
That’s right. Every day we hear all that shit about males being out of touch with our feelings and unable to cry. Being in touch with your feelings is good. Being able to cry is good. Crying in public is bad. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but this is just one of the many aspects of life that’s simply not fair. Men can’t cry gracefully, women can. (Other fun examples: men have shorter life spans than women. One in five men over the age of 50 will contract prostate cancer. That hat doesn’t make you look like one of the Beastie Boys, nor does it disguise the misshapen qualities of your head.) If you’re feeling really upset, just suck it up and wait until you’re in your room, which is no doubt furnished with lace doilies and bowls of potpourri, ya fuckin’ sissy.

LOL...that's funny!!

That was great!

starbuck said:

Fo real tho.