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I was cheated on do I deserve an explanation I was with her for 8-10 years we already had a house together and a life together.all the sudden she starts acting wierd for two weeks and then is asking me to move out which I did immediately and then havent spoken to her since (9 mos ago) I didnt really realize the cheating was going on at the time, I just didnt beleive she would ever do this so didnt sniff it out. Now, im feeling like im kinda owed a explanation so I can get closure ( I also want to let her know my feelings over it) I think she got away free without having to explain cause I literlly left in one afternoon.This is a woman who proclaim her love for me and said could never let another man touch her just me. then it all turns around and left in the cold on my ass which I really didnt do anything but try to love her, she slapped me in the face. is this how everyone is getting treated out there, do I deserve this or am I blowing smoke, tough shit? | |
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some people are worthless assholes. you do deserve one, but you're probably better off just walking away and letting karma bite her in the ass eventually. | |
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what would there be to explain? Would have been better to communicate before it got that far.
awful story, I'm sorry  | |
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What would an explination do for you now?
Best to cut your losses, realize you're better off and move along. It still sucks, though.  |
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write your feelings down. purge all the anger.
write her a letter letting all your thoughts out. then sit on the letter a while. if you still want to send it to her, do so. but it can be helpful sometimes just to write all that shit out. sorry this happened She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone to stay | |
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Sometimes you will not receive closure because sometimes people are cowards who can't tell you the truth. I would love to tell you that it doesn't matter but it does. To me anyway.
Carrie's advice is very good though. If you are a strong enough person, you can do this. I wish you the best of luck.  | |
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Most people speak best with their actions...she obviously has so it's not about what you deserve or not...sorry, learn from this experience... | |
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Stymie said: Sometimes you will not receive closure because sometimes people are cowards who can't tell you the truth.
bingo. | |
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evenstar3 said: Stymie said: Sometimes you will not receive closure because sometimes people are cowards who can't tell you the truth.
bingo. I don't know. A relationship that long term, there must have been signs this was going to happen. People may be cowards by not telling the truth, while others may also be cowards by refusing to see/hear the truth. These things can only happen when there is a lack of communication, which tends to be the fault of both parties. I think it's rare that people get blindsided by such a drastic turn of events. It was brewing for a while. | |
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heartbeatocean said: evenstar3 said: bingo. I don't know. A relationship that long term, there must have been signs this was going to happen. People may be cowards by not telling the truth, while others may also be cowards by refusing to see/hear the truth. These things can only happen when there is a lack of communication, which tends to be the fault of both parties. I think it's rare that people get blindsided by such a drastic turn of events. It was brewing for a while. usually guys don't see any signs or cues from their partner until they run right into them  They need things SPELLED OUT. How many times have I heard a guy say "I thought we were happy. I didn't see it coming" | |
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that is very sad, I'm sorry for you pain.
BUT...explanation? there probably isn't one that will make you feel better. I could hazard a guess that everything was "fine" until someone came along and started noticing her....complimenting her perhaps....making her feel "special"  again. It snow balled, got carried away, couldn't control it...all that kinda stuff.
any explanation she would give you would probably put the blame on you. crazy as that seems, it is a common defensive mechanism. You didn't notice me anymore, the fire went out, I tried to tell you I wasn't happy but you didn't listen kind of stuff. I do believe she should speak to you and apologize for breaking your heart though....maybe that would help with some closure. "not a fan"  yeah...ok | |
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what will you do with the information? Will you be defensive and get angry? Will you take what you hear, listen to what's being said, and learn from it?
Are you blaming yourself?..Do you know inside that it may not have been yours fault outside perhaps of having suspicions but not being able to bring it up to her? | |
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You may not get a explanation...but you need to sue for half of the house. Seriously. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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HisRoyalBadness07 said: I was with her for 8-10 years we already had a house together and a life together.all the sudden she starts acting wierd for two weeks and then is asking me to move out which I did immediately and then havent spoken to her since (9 mos ago) I didnt really realize the cheating was going on at the time, I just didnt beleive she would ever do this so didnt sniff it out. Now, im feeling like im kinda owed a explanation so I can get closure ( I also want to let her know my feelings over it) I think she got away free without having to explain cause I literlly left in one afternoon.This is a woman who proclaim her love for me and said could never let another man touch her just me. then it all turns around and left in the cold on my ass which I really didnt do anything but try to love her, she slapped me in the face. is this how everyone is getting treated out there, do I deserve this or am I blowing smoke, tough shit?
Sometimes people just fall out of love she could have been a better person and made the break before she physically strayed as you were together a long time but People arent perfect. Your ego has been hurt since u found out about the cheating as u feel as if you have been replaced But ur out (& been out for 9months) so stay out take it week by week if you need to but dont take yourself back into that mess, as you wont hear an explanation u r happy with. One minute they want peace……
Then do everything to make it go away. | |
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forget the explanation
just move on, every minute of everyday, spend them MOVING on.  | |
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You do not deserve this at all, no one does. It's hard but it's time to move on. It all comes out eventually and yeah Karma will take care of it. MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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You deserve it but that doesn't mean you'll get it. Most of us don't. Hope you find peace in all this. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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HisRoyalBadness07 said: I was with her for 8-10 years we already had a house together and a life together.all the sudden she starts acting wierd for two weeks and then is asking me to move out which I did immediately and then havent spoken to her since (9 mos ago) I didnt really realize the cheating was going on at the time, I just didnt beleive she would ever do this so didnt sniff it out. Now, im feeling like im kinda owed a explanation so I can get closure ( I also want to let her know my feelings over it) I think she got away free without having to explain cause I literlly left in one afternoon.This is a woman who proclaim her love for me and said could never let another man touch her just me. then it all turns around and left in the cold on my ass which I really didnt do anything but try to love her, she slapped me in the face. is this how everyone is getting treated out there, do I deserve this or am I blowing smoke, tough shit?
Did you receive anything from the house you guys had together ? | |
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HisRoyalBadness07 said: I was with her for 8-10 years we already had a house together and a life together.all the sudden she starts acting wierd for two weeks and then is asking me to move out which I did immediately and then havent spoken to her since (9 mos ago) I didnt really realize the cheating was going on at the time, I just didnt beleive she would ever do this so didnt sniff it out. Now, im feeling like im kinda owed a explanation so I can get closure ( I also want to let her know my feelings over it) I think she got away free without having to explain cause I literlly left in one afternoon.This is a woman who proclaim her love for me and said could never let another man touch her just me. then it all turns around and left in the cold on my ass which I really didnt do anything but try to love her, she slapped me in the face. is this how everyone is getting treated out there, do I deserve this or am I blowing smoke, tough shit?
i think after that many years together you DO deserve an explanation!!! i would of demanded to know the details of what happened behind my back a long time ago! it's pretty rude that she would ask you to leave and on top of that not even explain what had been leading up to this happening! i hope things get better for you, take it easy! | |
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banks said: HisRoyalBadness07 said: I was with her for 8-10 years we already had a house together and a life together.all the sudden she starts acting wierd for two weeks and then is asking me to move out which I did immediately and then havent spoken to her since (9 mos ago) I didnt really realize the cheating was going on at the time, I just didnt beleive she would ever do this so didnt sniff it out. Now, im feeling like im kinda owed a explanation so I can get closure ( I also want to let her know my feelings over it) I think she got away free without having to explain cause I literlly left in one afternoon.This is a woman who proclaim her love for me and said could never let another man touch her just me. then it all turns around and left in the cold on my ass which I really didnt do anything but try to love her, she slapped me in the face. is this how everyone is getting treated out there, do I deserve this or am I blowing smoke, tough shit?
Did you receive anything from the house you guys had together ? Good question. Why jsut give it to a lying bitch? 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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JerseyKRS said: forget the explanation
just move on, every minute of everyday, spend them MOVING on. That's about the size of it.
There is no explanation that would satisfy you. Unacceptable actions can't be explained. The Normal Whores Club | |
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I stuck on the fact that dude just walked away and let her have the house and everything. She knew who to do it to. That "s" word just wants to come flying out. | |
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morningsong said: I stuck on the fact that dude just walked away and let her have the house and everything. She knew who to do it to. That "s" word just wants to come flying out.
2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Well, I tell you one thing, when something starts to smell funky, it usually means someone stinks. Could you have had doubts about her sometime before all of this happened? If so, i'm not saying this was your fault, but when people get shady, they start acting like assholes, then when you ask questions they get all unnecessarily defensive. Thats a definite red flag.
Since you have already moved out and somewhat moved on with your life but not completely, I suggest you just get out and focus on yourself, though it is easier said than done. 8-10 years is a long time to spend with someone for this to happen, I know it must be devastating, but look at it as a blessing in a disguise. Like others have said, Karma is a bitch, and thats the greatest reward...sitting back and moving on while all of a sudden they are in utter hell. Don't worry about want an explanation for it, because it may just make you angrier than what you already are. Just move on and let a woman find you and who loves you for you. [Edited 9/17/08 16:27pm] I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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HisRoyalBadness07 said: I was with her for 8-10 years we already had a house together and a life together.all the sudden she starts acting wierd for two weeks and then is asking me to move out which I did immediately and then havent spoken to her since (9 mos ago) I didnt really realize the cheating was going on at the time, I just didnt beleive she would ever do this so didnt sniff it out. Now, im feeling like im kinda owed a explanation so I can get closure ( I also want to let her know my feelings over it) I think she got away free without having to explain cause I literlly left in one afternoon.This is a woman who proclaim her love for me and said could never let another man touch her just me. then it all turns around and left in the cold on my ass which I really didnt do anything but try to love her, she slapped me in the face. is this how everyone is getting treated out there, do I deserve this or am I blowing smoke, tough shit?
In one word: YESYOUDO!! | |
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I knew I could go to the org and get some straight answers out of you people. this has been a godsend, even tho i still would like to see what she has to say for herself.I guess it doesnt matter, but then again it was MY feelings thrown in the gutter not hers..I didnt go for the house I just had to get out of there, im okay now im renting with a friend.yeah 8-10 years is alot and we had alot of times together,maybe i wasnt looking for these signs but I dont think it was a rational decison therefore a hasty decison and im sure she misses me sometimes...apparently she has shacked up with some kid in the house, so I will take eveyones advice and contnue to concentrate on myself( ive lost 30 pounds and got a raise since this shit) thanks to everyone for your comfort. I just hope the next guy is looking over his shoulder for the next let down cause it hits hard if unprepared( which I was not, i mean she had just slept with me a few nights before)maybe im a sucker, but live and learn I suppose(im 38) I guess that aspect just doesnt change....is anyone faithful anymore??? | |
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HisRoyalBadness07 said: I knew I could go to the org and get some straight answers out of you people. this has been a godsend, even tho i still would like to see what she has to say for herself.I guess it doesnt matter, but then again it was MY feelings thrown in the gutter not hers..I didnt go for the house I just had to get out of there, im okay now im renting with a friend.yeah 8-10 years is alot and we had alot of times together,maybe i wasnt looking for these signs but I dont think it was a rational decison therefore a hasty decison and im sure she misses me sometimes...apparently she has shacked up with some kid in the house, so I will take eveyones advice and contnue to concentrate on myself( ive lost 30 pounds and got a raise since this shit) thanks to everyone for your comfort. I just hope the next guy is looking over his shoulder for the next let down cause it hits hard if unprepared( which I was not, i mean she had just slept with me a few nights before)maybe im a sucker, but live and learn I suppose(im 38) I guess that aspect just doesnt change....is anyone faithful anymore???
yes there are still some faithful people out here, i'm one of them. Its just so unforunate that most of the time the faithful people don't always end up with faithful people. Hence, your situation. I'm going through a break up myself, though I'm not sure if he actually cheated on me or not, I broke up with him for other reasons, though I did find him a suspect of it (which probably he most likely was) but thats besides the fact now...I broke up with him and have to move on. At times I get lonely and depressed and angry because he apparently didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for him and he didn't even try to make the relationship work while I was working overtime on it... all of this after almost 4 years together off and on....but thats just life I guess. You live and you learn. I just got finished crying about the whole thing a few minutes ago. And I suppose while i'm sitting up here giving you advice, I should take my own advice and stop thinking that i'll never meet anyone who is worthy of me. Everybody likes to tell you that you will meet someone someday who will appreciate you and love you for who you are (didn't I just do that for you earlier? lol), but even for me, with the way I feel, its really hard to believe that statement right now.
don't worry, we will both be fine in time.... [Edited 9/17/08 18:50pm] I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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missfee said: HisRoyalBadness07 said: I knew I could go to the org and get some straight answers out of you people. this has been a godsend, even tho i still would like to see what she has to say for herself.I guess it doesnt matter, but then again it was MY feelings thrown in the gutter not hers..I didnt go for the house I just had to get out of there, im okay now im renting with a friend.yeah 8-10 years is alot and we had alot of times together,maybe i wasnt looking for these signs but I dont think it was a rational decison therefore a hasty decison and im sure she misses me sometimes...apparently she has shacked up with some kid in the house, so I will take eveyones advice and contnue to concentrate on myself( ive lost 30 pounds and got a raise since this shit) thanks to everyone for your comfort. I just hope the next guy is looking over his shoulder for the next let down cause it hits hard if unprepared( which I was not, i mean she had just slept with me a few nights before)maybe im a sucker, but live and learn I suppose(im 38) I guess that aspect just doesnt change....is anyone faithful anymore???
yes there are still some faithful people out here, i'm one of them. Its just so unforunate that most of the time the faithful people don't always end up with faithful people. Hence, your situation. I'm going through a break up myself, though I'm not sure if he actually cheated on me or not, I broke up with him for other reasons, though I did find him a suspect of it (which probably he most likely was) but thats besides the fact now...I broke up with him and have to move on. At times I get lonely and depressed and angry because he apparently didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for him and he didn't even try to make the relationship work while I was working overtime on it... all of this after almost 4 years together off and on....but thats just life I guess. You live and you learn. I just got finished crying about the whole thing a few minutes ago. And I suppose while i'm sitting up here giving you advice, I should take my own advice and stop thinking that i'll never meet anyone who is worthy of me. Everybody likes to tell you that you will meet someone someday who will appreciate you and love you for who you are (didn't I just do that for you earlier? lol), but even for me, with the way I feel, its really hard to believe that statement right now.
don't worry, we will both be fine in time....
[Edited 9/17/08 18:50pm] | |
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thanks again ya'll...ya'll are just the damn best | |
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It's hard enough to walk away from a love affair. Don't waste your energy on waiting for an explanation. Use your energy for the walk. | |
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