i have this ex-girlfriend right...we'll call her J1..and she's like my twin right..the girl version of me...crazy gemini ass...freaky as she wanna be..always has been...she was my girl in junior year (2002) so we broke up that year and never got back together...but we still fucked each other despite whatever was goin on in the other person's life for like 4 years after that..but anyway..now she's a dominatrix [this is all true i promise]..which makes perfect sense if you know her...she told me she started this job about half a year ago...before she moved to africa for a few months...so she's back and now she's making house calls...like she drives to peoples houses to pee on them and fuck them with dildo's and all types of shit...and it worries me even tho i kinda think it's cool...she is a self admitted hoe (an intelligent one at that) and i have fought every urge to imagine her fucking for money since she cheated on me when we were together and then got with my best friend, who's now the drummer of the band i'm tryna start, in like 2005) and i'm kinda worried about where this might head...but i dunno...i feel bad for even thinking such things...so yeah we're talking yesterday and she's telling me she's about to get married to some guy she's known for like 6 months? shit is crazy...but thats not all ...so they're moved in already, and she's about to invite my other ex to live with them...we'll call her J-2...now i met J-2 throught J-1...depending on which story you count...i really met her early in high school at a birthday party for this girl who tried to take me from my 5th grade girlfriend (when we were all in 5th grade obviously)...at that time tho i was all like "i already have a girlfriend! why would i want to kiss you?" (lol, i was a sweetheart)...anyway...so the second time i met J-2, which involves J-1, happend like this....it wasnt long after me and J-1 broke up...and for whatever reason i was hanging with her and ...we'll call her N (you guessed it ..another ex...i'm not bad, really, its just another long story and i was a TERRIBLY hopeless romantic {see: lead by my heart with no logical thought}...so me, J-1 and N are sittin in J-1's father's yellow caddy in the park by my house (i know this all sound made up, but i promise its true...i just know how to deliver a story)..and N is crying over her current man who was just fuckin around (this dude was a fake ass raper too,...tried to battle me once "in honor of his girl or something" outside an open mic and i ripped his ass...chased his car as he drove away..still rhymin...ahh..good times)...so she's cryin...and J-1 is bad mouthin men and cryin tryna console her...and i'm like "fuck you bitch you fucked your ex and god know who else when we was together!" and i start cryin...(i was such a lil girl back then)...so we all bawlin in a yellow caddy in weeqheic park [which i obviously cant spell tho i live near it] which has been home to like a trillion murders so somehow all this emotion and tears turns into hugs and shit...and J-1 and N start takin this threesome talk...so i'm like (to J-1) "i know your freaky ass and you just wanna fuck...but you (N) your just mad at your boyfriend and i'm not gonna let you go along with something you dont really want just cuz your vulnerable right now"...(so this is where the straight male orgers start cursing at the screen, i know, but i told you guys i was a good lil dude with a big heart and i never felt like available pussy was the last pussy on earth if you follow so sue me, i'm just being honest with the story)...so N swears that she's really down, so i'm like "aiight fine...if you really wanna do this, sleep on it and come scoop me after work and we'll do this, but i dont believe you right now" ...they're like "bet"....so i go in my house...next day (this is like right after senior year for timeline purposes)...i come out of work and there is J-1...so i'm like "did N come?" she's like "nope"...and i'm like "i figured...so wasup what we doin?"...she's like "we're still on...i got someone else!"...we go to her car and standing there is... J-2...so J-2's in the car, J-1 is drivin...i'm chillin in the backseat..and they're talkin bout all type of freaky shit...and J-2 is askin me questions in general (we recognized each other from that party i mentioned earlier) and then she's like "i wanna see what you kiss like"...so we kiss...and she's like "damn, so wasup? we fuckin or what" (or somethin like that)...and then we try to figure out how we gonna do it....my house was off cuz my fathers always home...J-1 house was off cuz her mother was off that day...so we went to J-2's house since her parents we supposed to be out of town...but by the time we got there they had already got home (long story short, no threesome, tho i woulda did it that time...but high school is high school and parents just dont understand haha get it? ) anyway....(speeding story) we hang out....shoot the shit...talk about sexual preferences...eventually J-1 has to leave cuz she coaches a debate team at her high school...J-2 chimes in imeddiately "matthew can stay here and catch the bus home round the corner!" (girls dont play hooray for women!) ...so i turn to J-1 (mind you we've been broken up for a year and her infidelity was the reason)...and i say to her..."look...you want me to come with you i'm comin...if not i'll stay...your choice"....she's like "fuck it...i'm late anyway..go head"... (i can talk tho, i did the same thing with her years later...[best friend/drummer remember?]...foolishness)....anyway....i stay...me and J-2 talk more....before you know if we're an item...fuckin on my sister's bathroom floor while she sings jill scott's "he loves me" {i thought i was gonna die}....if you ever hear me talking about an ex who practiced wicca and claimed she was a vampire? thats her.....so anyway...{back to the future} now J-2 (who's is now strickly lesbo...tho she said that when we met) is now gonna be moving in with J-1 ....J-2 also wants to make J-1 her wife (and has apparently wanted her since they went to elementry school together...but thats another story)....but yeah J-2 is moving in with J-1 who is now living with her [male] finance...and J-1 called me yesterday to ask me if i thought it was a good idea, or at least did i think she could get out of it alive and have some fun in the meantime....i told her no and yes of course...but i just think its hilarious she's even going for it and tryna play stupid (why do girls do that? i have my theories, but i'm not a woman so i'll never know)...so my question is...even tho i'm in a happy relationship with a lovely bi-sexual woman who seems to love me and has even suggested we partner up with the two girl who introduced us, why do i feel left out?


i'd post a picture of J-1 J-2, but i think thats a bit too much...i just saw them like a few weeks ago....J-2 was stripping but i think she works at a tatto place now...and well i told you about J-1 ...

hope you enjoyed the story


[Edited 9/18/08 8:00am]
[Edited 9/18/08 10:38am]

oh and my comp is still broke...i'm just still at work...waiting on a fuckin machine

SirPsycho said:

am I robbing the cradle????? I was 32 in 2002

I'd love to give some advice, can you just break it down in about 3-4 sentences?

holy shit...you've just written the orgs very own War & Peace...
[Edited 9/16/08 17:14pm]

I don't know why but you remind me LaCoyta right now

JustErin said:

lazy ass

SirPsycho said:

I think I have ADD.

And I'm not kidding.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

woooow...





and "no baby, you aint robbin shit"

roodboi said:

Fa' real tho'

at least throw in a page break or two...

damn. this makes one of imago's posts look CONCISE.

i'm sorry but i just got done reading 1,100 pages of 'The Stand' - i need some light reading for a while.

JustErin said:

dominatrix ex is getting married after 6 moth relationship and moving in with mutual stripper/vampire ex and i feel left out why?


both of which fucked other men while i was with them

Can I get a summary up in here?

all of ya'll are lazy!





and supa...what that a lotoya jackson reference?

SirPsycho said:

You mean you are giving yourself as a gift to me?!

JessieJ said:

something about some girls called J1 and J2...I'm sure its about fucking or something...even if it aint, I'm just gonna pretend that it is...

Anxiety said:

*** awesome book acknowledgment post ***

What?

JessieJ said:

Some freaky vampire stole his 5th grade girlfriend and is now getting married to her victim, I mean a man while movin in one of Psych's ole hookups. Matter of fact, he's fucked evey women within 3,000 range and he's likely to have foursome and get plowed by this dude, cuz we all know you can't resist the vampires charms

SirPsycho said:

You don't know the orger LaCoyta?

i though you guys would like my version of dave chappelle presents charlie murphy's true hollywood stories entitled: sirspsycho presents sah ril's true stories about freaky ass black kids in new jersey (a cautionary tale for today's troubled youth)

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

no...who's that

its posts like this that really make me appreciate farrahmoan/mysterioso...

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Anxiety said:

did you like it? The Stand, I mean

roodboi said:

damn for real everlast?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Oh my ....

bluesbaby said:

oh, very much. there were some aspects of it i had issues with, but they were minor. this is the second time i read it...the first time was when i was a kid. in some ways i remember it well, and in other ways it was like reading a whole new book for the first time.

I read it and lost you who knows where

I think the pictures would help though

JessieJ said:

like 40% of this summary is entirely fabricated





is the original post really that hard to follow jess?