Is there a thin line between "settling" or just "never being satisfied"? Okay I know I'm confusing some of you so here is what I mean.

We all know no one is perfect, but people tell me all the time to never settle for any ole guy. I've noticed with myself that I'm a very stubborn and sometimes unknowingly controlling person. And as soon as a guy pisses me off I think to myself "oh this isn't going to work", and want to write them off. I know that isn't right, and I recognized that about myself recently and I'm working on it, though its hard b/c that's how I've always been.

But what if u meet someone and fall in love with them hard. When things are good u couldn't be happier, just so much in love, but once they say or do something that u don't understand or pisses u off, u ready to break things off with them. If this happens over and over again, is this settling for less or just u being unfair and never satisfied?

I wouldn't know. I'm madly in love with the man in my life.

Either you were not really in love or you have an issue with you.

Love is more than the feeling of loving, more than a flutter. Love is the investment in the others happiness, love is wanted the best for them, love is your world being tied up in their on going happiness and stability. Love is not selfish, love is .....well it is so many things but mostly truly loving someone is that even when they piss you off, you look at them and still love them with all of your heart because without them you are not the same person.

Do some research on the Greek words for love, there are 4 of them, Eros,Agape,Storge and Philia. (SP) In varying degrees we need the qualities of all of them in a relationship.

Good luck and i hope you find your peace.

When you look at someone's actions and compare them to yours is there a difference? If so, the guy's out but if not what else is the issue?

If you love someone there must be a reason why you fell in the first place, right? Was it the little thing they did to irritate you or is that a new thing you've just noticed?

When the list of things you love about the person is longer than the list that irritates you, one realizes that nobody is perfect. The trick is to communicate and try to have a balance.

Finally, watch your hormonal instinctual reactions, sometimes they are to blame because they do not come from any place of logic or reason.

I think its being unfair and never satisfied.
There are things people will say and do that is so easy to brush off and not put ur attention into.

But if its something that not easy to ignore, ur both in love with each other, why not sit down and talk about it so that it can be taken care of.

mdiver said:

Hmm well that does make sense. I think it has more to do with me.

missfee said:

Not to say that things don't piss you off but long term you have to be invested in their happiness and they in yours. It is the only way it works.

So lets say something pisses you off.

You tell them and if they are invested in YOUR happiness they make a change or tell you why said thing is done, then you are invested in their happiness and may accept it, you both get to give and get. 50-50

Arent they all about settling If you search for that someone who matches your every criteria then it aint gonna happen is it .

I dont know if its healthy or not but Ive settled , tho things are far from perfect and havent been for many years , I still have the mentality of who else would want me ....

i think it's a matter of the big picture vs. the little things.

if in the big picture you see your partner as someone who can make your life better (and you theirs) in, say, 30 years from now, then it's worth working hard to make things last. if you can't really see a long-term benefit to staying together, then i guess you have your answer right there.

as for the little things, those are always going to pop up. pet peeves, arguments, differences in opinions, whatever. after all, you ARE two individuals, no matter how much you want to "become one". it's very important to me to honor not just me and my partner as a "unit" but us as two individuals with different tastes and ways of looking at life. it's bringing together all those individual quirks that i think makes a relationship work.

sometimes it's going to be rough and sometimes it's the best thing in the world, but that's what it's like to grow with someone over time. i think relationships are fluid and you play many roles to each other over time, and they may not always be pleasant or fun roles. but i think they're all necessary, and if you want to make it work, it works toward something really strong and good in the big picture.

Pochacco said:

Being in a relationship shouldn't be about "Who else would want me"...it should be about "There's nobody else I would want".

Pochacco said:

You are right, if I was to search for someone who met all my needs I'd be looking until the day I die. But people are always like well don't settle...but u have to settle for something because no one is perfect. There really isn't such a thing as "Mr. Right" because if there was then there would be perfect people in the world. So with that being said, how do u know when a person is for you even though they will do things that make u want to choke them?

mdiver said:

Damn dude! Who are you? Dr. Feel or something... you nailed it to the wall with that post (as far as I am concerned.)!

missfee said:

You might need to define "settle" ...that means different things to different people.

mdiver said:

well said! i agree, it's possible to love someone and not like every little thing they do. but that doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. i think it just takes a bit of time an energy and attention to detail.

Anxiety said:

Hey, u really have opened my eyes and laid out on the line. What u said makes a lot of sense to me. Thanks a lot.

I now know what my common problem is: the fact that I waste too much energy on the little things instead of just letting those small disagreements roll off my backside and letting it go.

RenHoek said:

That is why I love him...oh and why Dan loves him as well.




Lord knows Mdiver has wanted to choke me at times, I am glad that he looks beyond my imperfections.

I love my handsome man.


Though I could choke the shit out of him some times too.



50~50 baby

shanti0608 said:

Always

missfee said:

What mdiver said.

Doesn't sound like being in love. Sounds like strong attraction and infatuation that fizzles when the person annoys you and comes back when they are behaving attractively again. I know several people in these kinds of yo-yo relationships and none of them are happy. Like Phil said, when you are truly in love with someone that love is always present.

Anxiety said:

That's a beautiful, simple and on-point way of putting it.

Love is also being able to realize that your sigificant other will not be 100% perfect, but that you love him and all his/hers little goofy ideas regardless. I hate sports, my husband of 25 years, watches every sport known to mankind. I only like music in english, he only likes music in spanish, he loves spicey food, I like mild food, his idea of fun is running in a marathon, mine is anything but running in a marathon, etc.etc.etc. BUT I would not change him for the world.

It's all compromise. You are not perfect, neither are they. It's about what you want in the long run, not silly stuff. If you find someone with the same goals, the annoying stuff is easier to handle.

missfee said:

awww...any time!

if you question whether or not you are settling, there may be a chance that you are settling. My man took absolutely NO work. He was so much like turn key in our relationship. we have the same goals and aspirations and ambitions for our lives together and solo.

I don't know what to say to you but to visualize what it is you need out of a relationship. It will nine times out of ten be sent to you. You may ignore it and play him to the left a few years like I did. But seriously, I guess that's all I can say about that.