http://www.cnn.com/2008/H...index.html

Just read this interesting article on bullying, it made my skin crawl.
The comments on the article were pretty much in agreement with what steps to take

I was bullied as a kid for YEARS and worse yet it was someone from my own family who went to my school who did it.

After 2 years of hell, 5th -7th grade, suicide attempts , trying to ignore it and redeem myself to my other peers, I finally kicked his ass and the other boy who tormented me daily.

He moved schools and then moved on to another victim. Who moved schools to the high school I attended.

When he showed up there I enlisted the help of some foot ball players and they dispatched him quickly. There was a huge outcry in the family because one of the players was another older family member. BUT he told me that NO ONE was going to mess with me at that school if he had anything to do with it.
for the first time in my life I felt protected and cared for.

Parents protect your kids make them feel protected. Whatever your take on the whole fighting back or not issue, just make sure your kids know that you will protect them.

Goodness

i think other than protecting your child and making sure the school understands who is responsible for the bullying problems (and making sure they do their part to keep it from continuing), i think it's also important to put the whole concept of bullying in perspective to kids. usually, kids start bullying when they feel like they're disempowered and they want to unleash their frustrations on someone they know they can overpower, which usually manifests itself on a physical level (but there is certainly such a thing as emotional bullying too).

i think when a kid understands that bullying comes from the bully's feelings of inadequacy or insecurity, that knowledge can do a lot to empower the kid who is feeling victimized. i remember when i was a kid, dealing with a bully by saying "okay, you can beat the crap out of me. i'm not going to fight back, and if you bruise me, i'll have proof that i can use to get you in trouble. so do your best and see what it proves." i actually got out of a few scrapes that way, and they left me the hell alone.

you know what I understood that, I knew his life was phucked up, his mom married my uncle, and uncle made no bones about the fact that he didn't like that kid. In my 10 year old mind I was happy to have a cousin my age and his sister and I are still close to this day. But it didn't help him at all, he resented that his sister and I were friends and tormented her also. It wasn't until I initiated the fight that he backed down. But that was after 2 years of HELL, looking back I know I could have killed him.


The other boy got a severe concussion at my hands, and no adults at the school could understand why the violent tendencies suddenly began to surface in me, a good student, quiet easy going little girl. My parents were alarmed but not surprised and continued to be hands off in school matters,leaving up to the school to decide what to do. no one messed with me for the next two years though, I had no friends, spent my recess alone with my nose in a book, all the girls thought i was crazy and in a sense i was.

I too was a victim of excessive bullying. From probably 5th grade up to 1st year of HS I was pretty much traumatized daily.

There was this one student who'd make it a habit every day to beat me up. I think he lost interest when I didn't fight back. This was before I got into Jr High. It wasn't always bad. That was to come.

Once I got into Jr High, I was in a public school that had more local kids and certainly was a rougher crowd. We had 15/16 yr olds in 7th grade. Everone picked on me...things from girls spitting on me to another that would poke me with pins. Of course these were kids that had bad homes, but I didn't know that at the time. I think the worst moment there was when I was going home sick from school and a few of those kids were cutting school and smoking about a block or so away and they pinned me on the ground and almost burned me with cigarettes. By this time I was not going into the school bathroom and would hold it all day.
1st year of HS was no better. Though since it was a catholic HS and not public, like Jr High, I had some protection. But even then there was this one kid who freaked me out saying he'd follow me home and do things to me that sounded terrible.

I'd definitely say that an act of God or something at the time saved me (which involved a teacher and a very profound religious/spiritual experience) and eventually I got to be the wonderful person I am now.

BTW...since all of that, I have received a HUGE apology from the guy in HS who actually broke down in tears as he apologized. And the gal who spat on me I ran into asan adult and she apologized for treating me like she did. And several of the kids who tormented me ended up in prision in their later years.

Wow, I certainly can relate to being bullied as a kid growing up. I was teased mercilessly by my entire classroom in grade school, and by various kids once I was in high school. Worse yet, I could not talk to my mother about it, because she would get angry and start hollering at me over it. Not a good way to show your kid that you're behind them and support them no matter what happens. I can't tell you how it has affected me emotionally, and how it makes you feel like less of a person. Years later, I am still feeling the after effects of it. It really does a number on your self esteem, and once that happens, it's hard to get it back. It's hard to believe in yourself as a person, and to feel that you are just as good as everybody else. It's why I did so poorly in school (I could not concentrate, because I was constantly being harassed), and why I never went to college and/or got married. Not trying to start a pity party for myself, I'm just telling it how it is.
[Edited 8/25/08 14:16pm]

psychodelicide said:

I feel you and am sorry that it has left you scarred. My folks didn't do much either. I don't think my mom knew what to. One time she did see my teacher about one particular kid and the teacher moved my desk in a way that didn't single me out.

I think I coped with it later on in HS better as it lessened quite a bit. I think a few reasons for this were I started working at the age of 15 and so I was doing that after school. I also think that being in a larger population, there were kids worse off than me who had zero skills in how to deal. We had this one guy who's mom would drive him to school and he'd wait in the car until the bell rang and would rock in his chair in class. And then there was this other kid and I think kids tormented him because he acted wierd. His last name was Looney and I don't htink that helped matters. I hope they ended up ok, but I really doubt it.

Anxiety said:

sad, you have adults like this too (who like to vent on others) .. which is where children do learn this behavior...

superspaceboy said:

I don't think my mom knew what to do either. The schools back then didn't have the "anti-bullying" theme that most schools seem to have now. I'm glad you were able to cope with it better in high school. I feel for any kid who is tormented because they rock in their chair in class, or because they're considered weird or different. Been there, done that, I know how it feels.

Flowers2 said:

it's probably the same people who were bullies as kids.

psychodelicide said:

superspaceboy said:

yeah the boy who tormented me is still in prison, funny thing one of the things he tormented me with was the fact that my older brother was in and out of jail on petty charges and then several years later that same brother who I informed when I was 11 that this boy was tormenting me, met up with him, the tormentor in prison. He said he got his ass beat on a daily basis because so many people in there knew who he was and how he was as a kid, I guess he was mean to a lot of little sisters when he was growing up to be the a criminal. Not sure what he is in for right now but as of last May when my oldest brother died, I saw his sister and she said he was in Quentin. Kinda sad, but no one could do anything for him as a kid and no one really wanted to, even his mother couldn't do anything with him, he was so mean to everyone but quiet around all the adults. His sister said he used to come in her room at night and torment her with threats and cruel words. She used to threaten to kill him in his sleep, so he never hit her. rough kids at 10-12.

butterfli25 said:

Thanks, I appreciate the hug.

butterfli25 said:

That's all it takes. Stand up to 'em and they normally crumble like little bitches. The funniest shit is afterwards, when you see them on campus, they duck and dive behind shit cuz they don't want anymore confrontation with you .

It's simple. Most bullies are pussies.

IAintTheOne said:

Exactly.

i got bullied for a while too in school

one day i kicked the guy very hard against the shin , never got bullied again
[Edited 8/25/08 18:14pm]

IAintTheOne said:

MOST?

Don't you mean ALL?

hello btw

superspaceboy said:

I'm curious how you feel about the apology? Did it help?
[Edited 8/26/08 6:02am]

MuthaFunka said:

Yep, bullies don't like to get hit back. You see how rough a MFer is when he sees and tastes his own blood.

Shorty said:

Good question. The harrassment happened in either 1st or 2nd year of HS. I think I got the apology after HS.

In my last year of HS, I was approached by one of the Brothers teaching at my school about going on a religous retreat, which changed me profoundly. Later on towards the end of my HS senior year, I ended up going on another retreat that was not affiliated with my school like the previous one. It brought together both girls and boys from different schools (Many catholic HS require kids to go on at least one retreat).

This particular retreat was very different and focused more of spirituality and commraderie. I noticed that the kid who used to torrmant me was part of this community (They did a really great job at retaining the specialness of the retreat by having gatherings and advanced retreats after your retreat). The thing is it's real hard to be mean to someone in this environment that is based on love. ALso several years had passed and I had moved on. So during one of these "sharing moments" that we would have he simply broke down in front of the group and said what he had done and that he was truly sorry. I of course accepted it...I had already forgiven and moved on, but he needed to know that.

So the apology helped, but it wasn't profound at the time.

superspaceboy said:

oh thanx.
course I asked because ....I picked on this girl on the bus in elementary school...I never never never beat anyone up or that kind of thing...but her last name was bolls...and I would call her "balls" instead. that was the extent of my "bullying" but I realized as I got older that was indeed what I did to her. So when I saw her one day as an adult (maybe 27ish) I went up to her and apologiezed for being mean to her when we were little...
she just looked at me, and said yeah sure....so I told her again how sorry I was and that I was just a little kid and didn't realize how hurtful I had been. she got in her car and left. I had really hoped for a better outcome, but unfortunatly I think perhaps she was bullied alot in her life, and she just didn't think I was being sincere, but I was.

uPtoWnNY said:

I had many people pick on me as a kid well into high school, since I was a skinny little pathetic looking kid always clutching an inhaler. All my bullies were always twice my size and I never fought on even terms, I was always either outnumbered or they were always bigger.

one bully, was this girl who bullied me in the sixth grade until I finally had enough and beat her. She was twice my size and I even got to dunk her big face in a toilet.. I was never suspended, and the teachers went to bat for me.

One bully, she never hit me, but she was my first frienemy and always did mean things to me, she was 3 years older and always was manipulating me to get into trouble. Well about 5 years ago, she saw me and gave me her #. When I got around to calling her, she wanted me to know that she was always jealous of me because her mom told her she wished her own daughter was more like me. She told me that since she might die from having AIDS that she wanted to apologize and told me she wished she were more like me so her mother would have loved her more. I told her she was wrong... that her mom did adore her, and she only said things to keep her daughter out of trouble.

Her mother died when we were younger from breast cancer (I was 16, she was 19), and on her deathbed, her mom said to me that I was her baby she wished she had. That her daughter needed to respect me and that I should take no more shit from her. I stopped hanging with her after her mom's funeral.

I was invited to her aunt's cookout and she started with me, she was asked to leave her own family's cookout, and I was asked to stay, and I did, out of her mother's memory. After I pulled away from the family that showed me more love than their own daughter. They invited me on outings and trips... I couldn't take part of that situation anymore.

I am stronger now, but I stay compassionate, you just never know why people do what they do.

I was picked on in elementary school and junior high school.

In fifth grade, this girl wrtote me a note threatening to beat me up if I didn't give her money. This was right before we left for lunch; we were aloud to go home for lunch as long as we lived close by and came back in time for class.
I went home that day and still happened to have the note in my hand, My mother asked to see it. I tried to hide it but she wasn't having it. She read the note and marched me right back to school into the principal's office. The principal said she could press charges, since it was extortion. She didn't, but she made sure the girl never messed with me again. She would kiss my mon's ass left and right whenever she saw her on the street after that.

There were other girls that would pick on me too but I was too afraid to fight back and was shy.

In junior high in 8th grade a gang of girls fucked with me for nothing. We were actually friends at one point. I would read the attendance list every day to see if they were absent so I would know if I had to run home that day.

I think most of us were bullied to a certain extent, simply because when you're growing up, there's always someone older and/or bigger than you that feels they need to let you know this . The problem comes in when there's just one relentless clown that takes it to the extreme and decides to try and punk everyone.

It's funny running into cats that used to try and pull that shit with me, then they see my size - the shoulders, arms, and chest, and they cautiously go "Yo! How you been, man? We used to be cool, huh?" just to test the waters . I then go "Yeah, dawg. You tried to punk a brotha back in the day, but it's cool. We were young. No worries...Now go get me a drink!" .

MuthaFunka said:

Damn... you sound just like my brother, He's now the well respected life o' the party where ever he goes too. People are scared of his big azz now.

paintedlady said:

It's funny! Them same dudes are like 4 and 5 years older than me and are all "cool & the gang" with me now!

They ask "Yo, can you train me? Are you on anything?" and I go "Yeah, I can train you, can you afford my training is the real question? And the only thing I'm on liquid amino - highest grade shit" and they look kinda dumbfounded and go "Oh. So...You see the Raiders play last week?"

MuthaFunka said:

paintedlady said: