Everyone. I have a friend who is married. Her spouse has a child (outside the marriage) that was conceived while they were "separated" for a time.
He was recently ordered to pay $700.00 a months for child support and SHE (my friend) is griping about this- complaining that it is too much.

What the hell?! For some reason people (mainly men) are stuck on "$500.00 is enough[/i]" bullshit. While I agree that the kid will not starve if she gets $500.00 per month I fail to see how $700.00 is too much. For $700.00 a month HE gets to have someone ELSE take this kid to daycare/school... pick him up from daycare/school. He gets someone to stay home with his ass when he's sick.. evening care, meals 3 times a day... and babydaddy doesn't have to do any of this. For his $700.00, HE gets to focus on rebuilding his marriage and only has to play daddy every other weekend and send the kid home with a bag full on dirty laundry when his weekend is over.
Now because I disagreed with this friend of mine saying that I WISH I had someone to do all that for me for ONLY $700.00 a months, she is mad at me because I "sided with the other woman." I was like "maybe we shouldn't talk about stuff like this anymore." But seriously, Who the hell thinks that $700.00 a month is too much for child support? I am not talking aout just buying shoes and lunches (which is all she's thinking about in my opinion). Time is what I am talking about; doesn't TIME has value too?
wow.

I dish out about 4 grand a month in taking care of my household. I wish to God I only had 700 dollars in responsibility.

Stymie said:

She wants me to feel sorry for them. I just can't. There have been a few other things that we disagree on too, when it comes to their situation. But I am looking at this from my perspective and it really doesn't look that bad to me. You would think they were living off of bread and water the way she's behaving over this.

alwayslate said:

People do not take consequences into consideration. Yes, some people live a happy forever after but a lot of people don't.

That seems utterly reasonable to me.

In the State of Florida, child support is calculated using a formula that takes into consideration the Father's and Mother's salaries....

I will never understand why Father's and Mother's complain about how much they have to pay...the law is the law.

AND, why would someone not want to properly support their children? OK, I know there are a lot of people who do not, but I will never understand why....

I married a man who had two children (a 5 year old and a 2 year old), and we paid a hefty sum once a month to his ex-wife....so I have been there and done that. My step-daughters are now 31 years old and 28 years old, they are lovely young ladies and I love them very much. I have never resented any obligations to them - materially or emotionally.

cubic61052 said:

And that's the way it should be.

You pay you play. Birth control is way cheaper but folks don't listen then they bitch when they have to pay for the little brats!! Hell I know men here who have a order for only $50 bucks a week and don't pay it. I also have a male friend in ATL who is paying 1,000 a month and the Mother refuses to work full-time.

The boy is 9 and he MAY see him once or twice a year and Mr. ATL talks about the Mother like a dog. But why would you put yourself in that situation when You already did it with another child who is now 24. Then you call the woman a gold digger when you really wasn't nothing more than a booty call and now you are paying the price!!!

Men and Women need to be way more selective in who they pro-create with esp. since these kids are being born out of wedlock in MOST cases and has to hear stories about how Daddy ain't shyt!!! The anonmosity I see in the cases is un real, they are bitter and hateful towards one another, each blaming the other.

I am glad I don't have to deal with this in my own life.

CarrieMpls said:

Co-sign.

She needs to let go of this one. Vent her anger where it belongs - at the guy who couldn't keep it zipped or wrap it up - and then let it go. Seething resentments will get her nowhere.

So, basically this dude hooked up with some chick soon after, but most likely during a long term relationship with your friend, was ridin' raw, knocked up this jump off, then came BACK to your friend. No wonder AIDS and other diseases are running rampant. The fact that he'd put himself and his future wife at risk for disease NOT to mention conceiving a child that was not planned for is ASTOUNDING to me. And you're right, $700 is prolly not enough so they need to be glad it's not more.

SCNDLS said:

You have such a way with words.

I get $300 a month for 1 child, and she is griping about $700 a month WTF!!!She should be glad its something.
[Edited 8/28/08 7:15am]

I have a set amount I pay for child support that my ex-wife and I agreed upon, and if more is ever needed I gladly pay that as well. If I'm ever short or will need to pay late, my ex understands and doesn't complain. We trust each other completely. If I find myself having a higher than usual flow of income for awhile, I send more without being asked or needed to do so. That happened last Thanksgiving and Xmas, and my ex kept saying "Why are you sending me so much?" and laughing lol...I just said "Because I have it, and you have our daughter". If I hear of "extras" coming up in our daughter's life (prom dress, drivers ed classes, whatever), I try to pay for those on top of what I usually pay per month. And my daughter knows she can always call me and ask if I can send $20 (or whatever amount) so that she can by a new purse or something lol ...I pretty much always say yes. And I'm thankful that she rarely feels a need to ask (now that she's working she never asks anymore lol). I only went thru one moment where my ex was unreasonable about child support, but it lasted one phone call and she apologized like 30 minutes later, and I put it behind me.

I'm sure your friend's irritation is due more towards the emotions she feels at knowing her husband fathered a child with another woman, even if it was during their separation, than it is at the dollar amount.

toots said:

She's not the one getting the money. She's the wife of the man who has to pay that $700.

Genesia said:

Just summarizin'. . .

Byron said:

How wonderful for your daughter to have you (and her mother) as role models.

Byron said:

I agree

As with me and my ex we split everything down the middle as well(medical, school supplies,etc) is payments come out of his check and we agreed upon this a swell when we got divorced( we both sat down at the table with no lawyers present and literaly wrote stuff out).He also put in if he got a higher paying job he was to pay the payment amount.

Byron said:

This is how things should work and typically do when you have a child with someone you actually KNOW and were in a committed relationship with, regardless of if the child was planned or not. As opposed to how things turn out if a guy gets a one-night stand chick pregnant because he decided an orgasm was more important than his health and his financial well-being.
[Edited 8/28/08 7:39am]

PurpleRighteous1 said:

Either way she should not be griping that is between the two who created the child and the man IS taking responsibility for the child. Sounds like a bit of jealousy when he pays the other woman support for his own child. She should be glad that he is taking care of what needs to instead of griping
[Edited 8/28/08 7:34am]

SCNDLS said:

Well, we could woulda, coulda, shoulda all the livelong day but it won't change anything. What we are dealing with now is two people who have decided to reconcile but there is this $$$ issue that they are not happy about. And I think that is largely due to the fact that neither she or her husband really had any idea what it really costs to raise a kid. I keep telling her this woman is not laying back on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails and getting rich off her husband's money.

toots said:

No argument here. Her anger is definitely displaced

PurpleRighteous1 said:

I agree as well.

SCNDLS said:

We're actually just talking about taking responsibility. I'd behave the same way even if my daughter was the product of a one-night stand.

CarrieMpls said:

Yes, me too.

Your friends take is that her husband slipped and made a mistake that SHE now has to help pay for. That's where she's coming from. She should really put herself into the shoes of the woman who has to take care of that kid, because I am sure she thinks that 700 will do, but more would be helpful. Your friend doesn't understand what this woman will need to do to take care of the child. I am probably thinking the other woman is single, which I am sure is fun as a barrel of monkeys on a rollercoaster.

Byron said:

If more Dads could be like you, the world would be a better place.

Byron said:

Yes, but I'm just saying that for MOST people it would be easier to do that if they were actually involved with the other person as opposed to it being some casual fling. IMO it's also about knowing who you're dealing with and most of these folks don't know each other very well at all yet they're having unprotected sex.

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[Edited 8/28/08 9:44am]