SirPsycho said:

Nope. I'm in the mood for a good story.

JustErin said:

shit, I'd RATHER date a stripper!

Lammastide said:

Don't be scurred. . .

I met a guy about a month ago at Bible study of ALL places, which is funny cuz I NEVER go to church. A friend introduced us and I thought he was cute but kept it movin' cuz I'm not trynta mack in church. I ran into him a few weeks later and he asked for my number. We've been talking and did lunch a few times. He's really sweet, foine as hell, and smart. Has a degree, his own house, no kids, not divorced, great on paper.

Last week we're having lunch and he gets all serious with the "I have something to tell you about myself. . . " bullshit. And THIS is what he drops on me. He does real estate investing on the side but stripping is his main gig. He gave me one of his business cards so I could go to his website and see him at work. I haven't seen him nekkid so the video on his site was quite a shock.

On one hand, I'm intrigued cuz, well, GATDAMN!!! On the other hand, I'm completely disgusted after watching what he does to these strange women and what they do to him. He's actually performed at parties that people I know attended.

So, therein lies the dilemma: good guy, great on paper, foine as hell, dick for days vs. muthafucka be showing his dick for a dolla. Alas, what to do?

Lammastide said:

Not that I approve or anything.

SCNDLS said:

get laid!!

JerseyKRS said:

For real.

JerseyKRS said:

JerseyKRS said:

You're NOT helping. (even though I'm MAD curious, cuz, well, GATDAMN!!!) Plus the video I saw is kinda like an audition tape and the women he's stripped for would prolly give him good references which is a lot more than I get when dating some random dude.

SCNDLS said:

see, NOW you're making some sense!

If it bugs you, then it bugs you. And if it doesn't, then it doesn't. This is for you to decide.

I don't think I'd have a problem with it, but then, I don't imagine myself ever being attracted to someone who does that. I guess I wouldn't know till I was in that situation.

I could never date someone who did porn, though.

Lord, Lord Lord... why did I ask?

I'll just say I'm sure you can do better. Do you really want to be with a dude who everyone "knows" or could "know" for a couple dollars?

I guess a lot of this depends on what you want out of this.
[Edited 8/27/08 10:34am]

Strippers in general gross me out. I am sure they need love, too though.

SCNDLS said:

years ago i dated a pornstar/escort... so i think i'd be ok with it.

JustErin said:

no. just because she's black.

Lammastide said:

Like I said, we'd been talking for a few weeks before I knew and up until he told me that, I thought he had a LOT of the qualities I'd like in a man. And to keep it real, it's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend but he coulda been a contender UNTIL he told me that (I think). So now I'm like, isn't that kinda hypocritical? Women in general, but black women especially, are always bemoaning the dearth of available men, yet, here's a nice guy that can't get no real love cuz he's a stripper. Isn't that the same as not dating a guy cuz he's a garbage man?

JustErin said:

i would hope you know i'm not that ignorant.

SCNDLS said:

I'd totally date a garbage man.

CarrieMpls said:

Yeah, but a lot of women would be like

CarrieMpls said:

I would too.

SCNDLS said:

What if he were a prostitute? And let's up the ante and say he took male Johns... but strictly for the cash. And he still "needed love?" And for the sake of argument, let's say you could confirm he was 100% disease-free and totally straight aside from his job.

Would it pose a different philosophical dilemma?

Stymie said:

Me too! ...If I were single, of course.

Lammastide said:

Any form of prostitution is UNACCEPTABLE. And gay for pay opens up a whole other can of worms and again is UNACCEPTABLE. However, some of the things he does while stripping are pretty damn intimate and had me like So I'm wondering what's the difference between that and prostitution.

.

delete-a-repeat edit
[Edited 8/27/08 10:49am]

SCNDLS said:

Allright SCNDLS, I'm gonna ahve 2 put my 2 cents in here. I have been on obth sides of the fence. I was a stripper at one point in my life. I have also been in a serious and monogamous relationship with a fellow dancer. I think when most people think of a male stripper, they think of an oiled up muscular body, tiny g-strings that look ridiculous, possibly loing hair and other Stereotypes.
I did not have a problem with his profession - hell what the hell could I say? But I would not go to his shows and he would not come to mine. He was fiathful, sweet, kind and came home to me everynight. Since I did not go to see him perform, I didn't have actaul visions of women pawing all over him.

Now - u say he's everything u would look for in a man and with the dearth of available, good black men - u might want to rethink your position. It's not like he'll be doing it forever. I would give him a chance and if the thought of his profession proved to be 2 much, then move on.

SCNDLS said:

You'd need to decide for yourself.

And I don't want to pass a value judgement on strippers, exotic dancers, etc. We often do what we have to do to survive. It's just, given what you likely want out of a long-term relationship -- confidence, exclusivity, a certain dignified calm -- I can only imagine this would invite trouble for your psyche. Who needs that sort of thing?

SirPsycho said:

Huh?

1sexymf said:

Thanks for the input my shoe sista.

I think what fucked me up was that video. I've only been to one Chippendales-like review for a bachelorette party and spent the whole time chatting to my girls and didn't even watch the guys perform. They were cheesy anyways and DEFINITELY not my type. But I've heard about these other revues and they are quite EXTRA but I've never been to one.

I'm not the jealous type at all but after seeing that video I don't know if I could even handle a casual relationship with this guy.

SCNDLS said:

Well Black shows/revues do tend to be more raw and alot less tame than a Chippendale's show - they can actually be corny. The guy I dated didn't get naked at any of his shows, but if he did I know I wouldn't have liked it. If u think he might be giving out "extra" favors, then I would steer clear. that's a whole 'nother mess u don;t need in your life.
But it does sound like your mind is already made up. If it's too much, go with your gut - it usually doesn't steer u wrong. I mean u don't want to wake up one morning and have to put his eye out with one of your stilettos.

There are good, black men with good-paying jobs who don't strip or demean themselves or women for a living. Church, i hear, is a good place to find a mate (worked for my parents but has yet to work for me ).

I think you need to be clear and serious about what's more important: the physical or the spiritual and moral. Because that's what I'm hearing creating the tension in your situation. Being seen out in public with a dude who's performed shows for people you know puts you in a bind. And, while you make a distinction between stripping and prostitution, a LOT of other folks don't.

And, yeah, the back pews are trouble. You want to be in the front rows on the side. That's where the spiritual folks sit.

1sexymf said:

True, cuz I'd hate to fuck a nucca up