True!

But then again, if I never have loved or been loved...how would I know the difference?

How would you reply to this if it was a child we were talking about rather than a significant other? Would your replies still be the same?

TMPletz said:

i don't understand.

Stymie said:

I guess I've been reading these under the impression that people were referring to the love lost or not loved at all to that of a love for a significant other. It it were someone's child, of course I'd love them, but to have to lose a child to death or other means instead of not having a child at all...well, that might be a different story for some.

real shit.
i mean as much as it hurts losing love,
does it eclipse how it felt when it was new?
how it felt when it was good?

you can remember that after the pain fades.
if you've never felt it,
there's nothing to remember.....




(yin)

SCNDLS said:

AMEN TO THAT!!!!!

TMPletz said:

Losing my nephew six years ago changed me for the rest of my life. Would I have never had him in my life? somedays I feel that way and others not. He loved me unconditionally and I was his hero and I don't have that in my life right now.

RenHoek said:

Exactly. And same for the loss of a loved one (romantic or familial) through death - in the last 10 years I've lost my father (who I was very close with), two of my uncles (one was my Godfather and I was very close with him - he died on July 6) one of my aunts (who I was very close with), one of my cousins and my sister (who died in April of last year). Do I wish I never knew these people or was as close with them as I was? NO! Sure - some days I feel like my entire family is dying around me. But, then I remember that it's not all about me and I feel blessed and honored for having known and loved them. In the end, the pain and heartbreak of losing them could never overshadow that.

Stymie said:

I'm sorry, Ivy.

applekisses said:

Thank you Andrea. Losing him hurt me worst than losing my mother.

Stymie said:

Aww, honey. You've got me in tears here. (I hope my coworkers don't come in! ) I know it breaks your heart - but, it sounds like he was such a special kid.

I don't know. Self-preservation has me mostly believing sometimes you're better off not knowing what you're missing.

The problem I'm having with the statement is that it takes perhaps disjointed attitudes to love.

"...To have loved..." and "...to never have loved..." suggest a certain activity. Love in these clauses is a verb.

"...And lost" suggests the prior ownership of something. Is love now a concrete noun to have lost? When exactly did you own it? What sort of container did you keep it in? And why didn't you buy a warrantee or insurance against loss or theft? ...Or is it the object of our loving we've lost, and how does one lose such a thing unless they choose to give it up?

I've endured the fracture of relationships -- one that literally darned near killed me. But even that drastic change in the relationship didn't end my love -- a perpetual disposition, somewhere between a verb and an abstract noun -- for the person. It certainly felt different: Some days I imagine him being hit by a big-ass truck (and I smile ). Yet deep down inside I'd never want that to happen to him. I want him to live a happy, fulfilled life. And I want to live one.

A change in the relationship, then, effected an evolution in love, but it didn't at all necessitate an end to it. And if it did, I might ask myself if it was love, or some strange proxy, I ever encountered at all.
[Edited 8/19/08 10:31am]

After that long sermon , I'd have to say I reject both possibilities in the initial premise. I opt for a third: To have loved and realize that it continues, if evolved.
[Edited 8/19/08 10:44am]

Stymie said:

applekisses said:

You are such a strong woman, Andrea !

And to answer the question I go with bullshit.

Serious said:

Well then move over and give me that hottie you're taking pictures with!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

He's an orger, he just rarely posts here. But he is not into men at all, I am sorry .
And I wasn't thinking of him when I gave that answer.

RenHoek said:

agree 100%!!!

Serious said:

Thanks, Martina. I sometimes don't feel like I am, but I keep trying!

Serious said:

Whatever! Just hand him over

A giant steaming pile of bullshit left by a bull eating nothing but rancid meat and hot peppers.

It probably has maggots in it too.

Mars23 said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Ready or not here he is just for you

I go with the real shit, it is better and I say that after several losses.

I would not change a thing.

I learned a lot and I am stronger for it.
[Edited 8/19/08 12:43pm]

Serious said:

I'd even do it upside down

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Real.

it's a really fine line that wavers a lot sometimes, but it's real.