IceNine said:

yeah? well i had 3 mice run over my foot while i was cleaning the attic at work today. and this the day after i stuck my hand in a dead rotting bird carcass doing the same thing. sucky week

AaronForever said:

Were they visually impared?

AaronForever said:

Damn... that really sucks... but...

THEY WEREN'T PLANNING A GODDAMNED HOME INVASION!!!

I swear to god, this fucker was the size of a Buick!

IceNine said:

If it really, truly was bigger than 2 cm then it was not a little jumping spider...

applekisses said:

All I know is that this fucking thing looked pretty goddamned big when it was on my fucking hand... it could have been a different variety of spider, but it sure looked like that one...

It was furry, black and had white markings on it... and... the worst part...

IT WAS A COLD, CALCULATING BEAST WHO WANTED TO KILL ME AND STEAL MY FUCKING CAR!!!

I left that part out earlier, didn't I? It murmered something about my fucking car keys as it limped away!

SexLovely said:

If Pook is the Orkin man, I am damned sure going to call him!

IceNine said:

Ahh, spiders are notorious for stealing cars, they're forever getting speeding tickets around our parts. What you want to do is invite the spider in for tea, sit down and have a chat to resolve things and maybe the two of you can work out some kind of time share concerning your car.

Just a suggestion!

Cloudbuster said:

The thing is this... I am not even sure that the spider would fit IN my car... I think he just wanted the keys so that I wouldn't be able to escape...

IceNine said:

With all those legs, though, I don't think he would need the keys...I'm sure he could hot wire the car pretty fast!

applekisses said:

That's the point... I think he is just trying to keep me from being able to leave...

It is like an episode of the Twilight Zone or something... the spider will soon transform into an earth-shattering behemoth and rip a hole in the fabric of space-time... he will then transport an army of other-dimensional super spiders into our world who will then wreak havoc on all those foolish enough to try to stand in their way!

A small band of rebels is already forming in my head...

IceNine said:

In that case capture the bugger and shave him completely and then present him to his mates. He'll feel so much shame that he'll stay indoors for the rest of the season and that'll give you plenty of time to invent an anti-spider car solution. Or you could just buy him a bike and helmet.

UPDATE:

I heard a knock at the front door... I went to answer it... there was nobody there...

Could it be that this fucker sneaked in when I opened the door? This sucks!

EEEWWW!

I can't handle spiders. I have this fear that one day a spider will park itself on the doorknob of my bathroom or something and I will not be able to leave, and I will die there, held hostage by the spider. . .

Spiders and bees. I wish they would all up and die. And this is from an animal rights activist, mind you. But I don't care. They are evil and should be destroyed.

Doves,
Mel!ssa

tackam said:

NOOO!!

Love Bees, hate wasps!

Wasps are devil spawn, they sting just for the fun of it and then gather their posse for a good giggle.

Some horrifying spider experiences I've had in the past:


- My friends and i made a makeshift tent in my backyard out of tarps. When we woke up in the morning there were spiders all over the inside top of the tent right over our heads.


- I walked into a web while playing in the woods near my house and the bigass spider it belonged to was sitting on my face.


- NOTHING is more hideous than watching a mother spider with all her babies crawling all over her back. I almost passed out.

Tom said:

Dayum...

Imma gonna have nightmares 2night now. I know it...

This reminds me of a time when I was still living with my parents. I woke up in the middle of the night and for no reason decided to turn the light on. There was a huge spider on my pillow crawling towards my head! I quickly picked up my pillow and threw the fucker outside. I guess that was one that survived getting unknowingly eaten in the middle of the night.

I guess they have these plate spiders in the tropics that are giant and flat that make most crabs look like pussies. I'll see if I can find a picture.

Tom that is nasty! My mom killed a spider in the garage and a million babies came out from underneath it!!! It was like something out of a horror flick!

TRON said:

Now why'd you have to bring that up?

I hate that fact that I have probably accidentally snacked on a spider...

Can any of you Australians out there back me up on the horror that is the Sydney Funnel Web spider?

That is the WORST spider in the entire world... BAR NONE!

I am scared for you Aussies!

one last one...

These fuckers grow to one foot in diameter

You never see this shit on a.m.p. ...

What in the bloody hell is this?

Here's another look. It's called the tailess whip scorpion but it sure don't look like no scorpion to me.

Awe man,

jumping spiders are so freekin' small.

Come down to south florida.

The spiders down here look like they should be in a zoo.


In the back of my studio where all the fruit trees are. There is what most people call "Bannanna spiders" But when I looked them up on the net, they are really "Golden silk writing Spiders".

Now these guys are HUGE!
and very aggressive.

My neighbor and I were playing with one of these spiders one day and threw a bug into the web. The spider scurried down the web and chewed it in half.

Vicious little monsters these guys were.

These jumping spiders are nothing to fear though.