I was riding with my oldest sister in my car today and we were listening to Michael Baisden, something I don't like to do, but she loves the guy. Anywho, there was this guy on there today that said the following:

You are the average of the people in your life. You can go no higher and no lower. Don't be the smartest person in your group because you won't be able to grow and everyone else will drain you.

It's pretty much a variation of the saying: Don't surround yourself with negative people. I have been very fortunate to both have very positive people in my life and to have those who take pity on my poor soul and have me around tho I'm negative. It's not something I intentionally do: I am very aware of it but I feel the crushing blows of life very deeply. Some look at the material things in my life and seem to think it fixes everything but it's only a band-aid.

I started this thread to discuss the bolded part up top and to thank those who have remained my friends and held my head up even when I can't. To those of you who can't stand the rain, I do understand and for those of you who don't know what to do with me, I understand that, too. I know I rain on a parade but know that I do adore you all. I want to be better because of you all.

For my dearest Org friend, thank you for continuing to provide the rope for me to keep holding on.

hmmmmm i believe u can always go higher .i agree with every thing else....

Drama edit - my apologies ~ Mach

I'll BBL


[Edited 8/13/08 16:08pm]

True. To some extent. Some people are negative cuz they do not know how else to be. Just let them know you cannot click with them that way and let them ponder. Do not cut people out just because of a saying; formulate your own.

I once reduced all my soul searching to the words "Self-knowledge is the way to wisdom" and even though I wrote those words, the words on itself are pretty generic and someone else in the world might have formulated them the same way.

Thing is, you find the words that fit you, but use other people's words only to gather strength to do so; do not follow until you are sure you want to follow.

And a hug from me; I am glad you find strength on this site. It's why I keep returning here.

Can I say something? I understand what you mean when you feel that you are negative but you don't instill negativity in the relationships you have. At least from my perspective, I never feel negative vibes off you even if you are experiencing negativity in your life. I've never felt anything but love from you. ever.

That is a very thought provoking sentiment.

I agree that surrounding yourself around negative personalties ca be draining, I tend to pull away from "frenemies" and people in my family that do don't want to understand and get to know me.

But what is a negative person to you?

I try not to judge anymore, I recently began pulling away from someone who only puts value in a person if they have acquired lots of material possessions. She defines herself by the amount of money she makes, and to me this makes her toxic. There is nothing that I want to learn from her.... so I now surround myself with people with a positive outlook on life, I treasure these people since they keep me inspired, rich or poor.

even on the org, people here mirror what happens IRL.

I have befriended a few people. One particular person is of very high character to me, the way he is makes me admire him, he wonders why I do, (thinks I have him on a pedestal) but I see him as a pillar of strength to his family, and a genuine friend. I see that I can learn a lot by being his friend, (because of his personality) and that makes knowing him a privilege. There are quite a few good people here that I consider admirable, the org is a special place indeed

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

ditto.
Let me add.... I think you underestimate your beauty, (inner beauty), you really are a joy to talk to, so glad to know you.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thank you Richard. But if I had a nickel for everytime I've heard someone say to me: don't be so negative, I'd have a boatload of nickels. I am at the point of withdrawing and keeping my thoughts to myself.

paintedlady said:

It's funny because I define negative as someone who always wants something from you without giving anything in reutrn, someone who can't be happy for your accomplishments or even someone who never has anything positive or good to say. I dunno, maybe some view my depression as something very negative or the fact that I am a cynic. I just would never say some of the things to people that they say to me.

Mach said:

You should not have erased that. You know I understand.

HamsterHuey said:

i don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for people here.

Stymie said:

Well I can really identify with that Ivy I have lost friendships here and some have been affected because of my own "negativity" and if people can't stop for one second and even think about anything that I am saying and why I'm not shitting golden rainbows all the time, I cannot help that. My real friends understand me and I'm very thankful for that. Your real friends understand you too honey. Most people would crumble having to face some of the adversity that you have faced. They couldn't hack it for 2 minutes and yet you've survived. Far as I'm concerned if you want to vent about shit, you sure the hell are entitled to and I for one will listen

Stymie said:

I know you did/do and I am greatful



I love you

Mach said:

I love you, too.

RipPoPtheregoMYTOP said:

Yeah, if you surround yourself with good people, you can indeed go higher. I lvoe that my friends are brilliant and all have something I can learn from each of them.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thank you. I am a hot ghetto mess right now.

Stymie said:

You're not being negative, you're being realistic. There is a big difference and I think that a lot of people just don't like to live in reality sometimes.

Stymie said:

This is the type of person that I call a "frenemy", and you are so right about some one like that being negative.

A few posts I read of yours did seem cynical at first, but when you explained the history behind your views (in the thread) I knew you were just tired of the situation, but still haven't given up on the situation. To me that makes you optimistic, not some negative person at all.

Many here really don't know or can even understand your daily burdens, so keep smiling, you don't seem like a whiner at all to me. If you are depressed (I really hope not) stay strong, remember you already have accomplished much and continue to do so.

paintedlady said:

Thank you.

JustErin said:

I love the way you think.

JustErin said:

sometimes? Try like never!

Stymie said:

Ivy you are truly an amazing soul... please don't ever forget that I've had the honour of spending a little time with you and you are so full of love and care

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

JustErin said:

I know a bunch of people here. Maybe one of them can shed some light on why they feel thay way about me.

Natisse said:

You have been kind to me since day one and I appreciate you.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I know folx like that, too.

Stymie said:

hang in there beautiful one

Stymie said:

I tend to agree with it to some extent, though I believe there are folks out there who could be surrounded by jackles and still find ways to improve themselves. The Buddha once said, "Be a light unto yourself", and what he meant by this is don't believe in something or follow some path because someone you respect tells you to--look inside yourself and rip the theories apart to determine your own way.

Happiness, I believe is an elusive thing for most people--most of us are NOT happy--when you walk into any room I guarantee half of those smiling faces are only doing it to hide how they really feel (or perhaps to forget how they feel).
It's great to have folks to lean on--truly great.

Ultimately though, when the chips are down, you need an insurance policy...and unfortunately, sometimes that is you. Be a light unto yourself.

Hope you're ok Ivy.

Great sentiment. And I think it rings true. Having people around you who inspire and motivate you is important. It's also important to help those you can.

This past weekend I had a conversation with friends and we were discussing one of their mistakes in the past. And I mentioned that what I love so much about my group of friends is that we've truly moved beyond friendship to family. There's an unconditional love going on. We don't cut someone out for making mistakes. We help if we can and forgive when we're able. Not to say everything's hunky dory all the time. But when the chips fall or whatever, we always come out on the other side.

It's inspired me to want to be a better person and a better friend. When someone asks for my help, no matter how small or how much of an inconvenience it may be for me, I've decided that I'm gonna do what I can, without complaint or bitching or expecting anything in return. Cause so many people have done that for me. It's a little thing. But it's important to me.

Imago said:

No I'm not okay but I thank you for these words. I'm working this out.