Imago said:

I swear I am Marilyn from the Munsters. If only you could see some of the people I'm related to

As someone who can spot a "debbie downer" in a heartbeat, rest assured, you are far from it. Just because you're not not all sparkles and rainbows all the time, life experiences make people who they are. You've had some hard knocks but you're always good hearted when it comes to your perspective. Maybe it's hard for me to see because we get along so well but living in reality and being a negative person are 2 different things all together.

You want negative, I actually have known people like this...

http://video.google.com/v...4004602203

Slave2daGroove said:

Is that me?

Slave2daGroove said:

Thank you for the laugh.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Despite all of the bullshit you've been through, I put you in that rainbows and sparkles category with just a dash of drama!

Slave2daGroove said:

only a dash? I am pretty optimistic considering.

Stymie said:

If you're the average of the people in your life, then you couldn't be the smartest, right? lol ...

Whenever a friend of mine is doing something that I consider negative, I then start to project some of that on myself. I start to realize when I get that way and then I try to correct it. Sometimes the worst in people can bring out the best in me. Sometimes...

I gotta say I disagree with the sentiment of the radio gentleman, but I know you and have never felt you to be negative. As many others have already said, you are real and that is more valuable to me that anyone blowing sunshine up my ass.

Mars23 said:

It's funny how we see ourselves because interacting in real life, there is this overwhelming sense of gentleness and joy that shines through. Seriously Ivy, on-line and real life are 2 different things and how you feel, and sometimes might, come off on-line, that is not at all the way you come off in real life. I never have to worry about your emotional well being when hanging out. Not to say that I don't care and not that we don't talk about real stuff but I don't feel like I have to babysit you over it.

Mars23 said:

Thank you Kev.

ivy, i think you are more realistic/pragmatic than you are negative. a lot of people take a realist's attitude to be negativity, but a lot of people also refuse to confront a lot of things that they need to be confronting because "it's not pretty".

on the other hand, i've known some opaque, nihilistic people, and you don't fit into their category. you may have a cynical tinge at times, but most intelligent leos do.

as for being "the average of the people i know", i'll have to think on that. "the people i know" seems to shift somewhat frequently, so i guess i am the average of an evershifting cast of characters.

Anxiety said:

Thank you Chris. I was hoping you'd post. I worry about pushing you away.

Stymie said:

i think you had some hard times to get through last year, but so did we all. sometimes we all have to get through our journeys through the proverbial forest and unfortunately we can't always form a human chain and slug people out of our way together.

but here we are on the other side!

I don't agree with the "don't be smarter" statement. I've always surrounded myself with smart people which in turn has made me grow. My friends continue to grow as well.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

that's kind of a weird standard for someone to suggest in forming friendships. i never form close friendships with the specific thought of "this person is smarter than i am, oh goodie!" or "this person is dumber than me, whee!" in my head. i find most people are both smart AND ignorant on different levels, and you're always teaching and learning from everyone you hang out with.

anyway, who wants to be friends with a know-it-all?

well, except for me, anyway. because i'm modest about it.

I think that we tend to view ourselves much harsher than is necessary, and tend to think others view us in that same harsh light. I know that I had to work through a lot of stuff, including feeling like I was being judged harshly everytime I went anywhere. A wise person once said to me, "All those people that you think are judging you, are probably dealing with their own problems and really aren't judging you through their own self-perceived faults, and believe you to be judging them." It really opened my eyes to realize that just because I felt badly about myself, didn't mean others felt the same way about me that I felt about me during the rough times.

Ivy, here is what I "see" of you:

You are an intelligent woman who looks at life realistically. You are a beautiful soul who tries to help others through their tough times, even when you are dealing with your own tough times. You question, because you want to learn and find what feels right to you, and don't blindly follow where others might lead you. At times when I've felt down, you'd come along to lift me up and point out the value of who I am, rather than engaging me to focus on what I might see as my own shortcomings. You said you don't sparkle, but that light shining in you sweetie, most definitely does sparkle, and it sparkles the most when you are at your most challenged. I've always said I don't have one of those bubbly, bouncy personalities, and I'm okay with that. If everyone bubbled and bounced, then the world would become a very dull place indeed. Just be true to you, to who you want to be, and everything else will fall into place. You know I love you and have tremendous respect for you. You are a tremendously beautiful soul Ivy, and I know I've been blessed to have you be a part of my life, and a friend.

LittleRedCorvette said:

Thank you Benni.

Ivy, do you think this feeling comes from a sense of isolation as in none of your friends are going through the experiences or any experiences even close to what you're going through?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

u know, that's part of it. But also, I feel the need to think of them because I don't want to put them through anything. I am in a place where there isn't really anything anyone can do.

Girl, please! I will echo what several people have said:

1. There is a difference between being negative and being realistic.
2. You are not negative.

But I understand how you feel because I get the same comments. My supervisor (former now, I resigned on Monday!) liked to say I was 'too critical' because I was always suggesting ways to improve things, noticing the misspelled words in something, or thinking of how to avoid possible problems. To me, that was not negativity, it was wanting to do a good job.

I think this "average of people in your life" thing is interesting; although I agree with what you, Miguel & Anxiety said about learning something and/growing from all your friends.

Anxiety said:

Friends that happened to be smart? I don't know, I may have come off wrong. I didn't specifically go looking for smart friends.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

no, i think you were saying the same thing i was trying to say in my post. i was just pontifi(hotair)cating

DevotedPuppy said:

When you last visited, I was thinking about how heavy your heart is and how many burdens you carry. We spoke about a few and I know there are many we didn't touch upon. My experience with you is that you are always seeking higher ground ~ a new perspective, an understanding when people are mean, ignorant or just not hearing you. It is life, not negativity. I've also seen you in joyous moments and flash that huge smile at the smallest of things and it gives me an inner glow. My mom said again yesterday how beautiful and warm your smile is. She said she wished she could just sit with you for a long while because she felt so warm in your presence.
This, from Gooey, is outstanding advice ~
I once reduced all my soul searching to the words "Self-knowledge is the way to wisdom" and even though I wrote those words, the words on itself are pretty generic and someone else in the world might have formulated them the same way.

Thing is, you find the words that fit you, but use other people's words only to gather strength to do so; do not follow until you are sure you want to follow.
You are very much loved and appreciated here in all of your complex forms.

MoonSongs said:

I love you Nikki.

I love the quote!

I think you are a fantastic soul that has seen a good helping of adversity , yet NEVER allowed it to stop you from growing in every way imaginable.

....as for your negative attributes, let the first man without them cast the first stone. No takers? Carry on sister.

Ivy, you are one of the least negative people I know! No one who's "negative" has a laugh as ready as yours. You're just a straight shooter - a quality I, for one, appreciate.

And I'm not just saying that because I fear the fork.

Stymie said:

And I, you, sweetness.

I think negativity starts from how you are raised. I have also moved accross the country and unfortunately do not have heavy contact with my family excpet for my eldest sister that lives 4 hours away. We get picked on by our family because they say we are two peas in a pod and don't want anythnig to do with them. It's not that. My mom is like Snuffalupagous. Woh is me. Life has been so hard. I can't be around that shit. She has told me countless times the many things I cannot do. It's not a blow to me, she does it cause, well, that's all she knows. I'm not mad at her, she can't help it. I just do what I do to cope.

I have actively left friends behind because they were a drain. Either on my coat tails, money, emotions, etc. I went through a phase when I would have friends that were FUN to be around, but when it came to serious life, they were pieces of work.

Fast forward out of my 20's and now I have to be careful who I let in. The friends I grew up with are not around except for one. I notice the difference. She is an entrprenuer and a savvy real estate investor.

They say you forget where you come from when you succeed. No you don't, you separate from people that are not on the thinking about tomorrow concept. The mate you choose, the friends you choose totally bleed into your professional life. If you run with dogs, you catch fleas.