Ok, I'm not talking about the org here, or anywhere online, and I know I met Aksel and I consider him a 'proper' friend, but we met on the org. I'm talking about IRL, as the kids say, the everyday, regular, hanging out with friends.

I just realised I have no male friends. I've lost touch with my old friends in the UK and no longer even stay connected with them on Facebook. My best friend here in Thailand, a guy I've known for over 5 years, became too difficult to maintain a friendship with and we haven't spoken in 2 or 3 months.

The friends I do have are all female and all people I've met through my wife and/or her older sister. Basically their friends who've become my friends. Even some of those are overseas so it's more like internet friendship much of the time. So when I look at it, it's almost like I have no friends.

Is this a problem? I mean, my wife is my best friend. My other friends are basically my sister in law, brother in law, brother in law's wife and my mother and father in law. I don't feel unhappy about it, but it doesn't seem quite right. Surely I need other people to hang out with??

Thoughts?

OK, let's start at the beginning.

First, are you gay?

If ur not unhappy about it then I don't see the problem ...whose to say how many male/female friends we should have

Easy pitfall when you fall in love. Seems like the only way to have male friends nowadays is to play poker, or play in a band like I do. Some kind of common interest group where you can finally unleash the backlog of crude humor.

Imago said:

Well, 8 years in Thailand means I'm obviously a little bit gay by now, that's a given.

I'm the type of person that doesn't need that many other people. Honestly, the more people I have in my life the more drama, the more drama the more exhausted I become. I have 3 or 4 women I work with I consider friends, I have my brother and my family, I have Rich and his huge family.And a few friends here at the org. I don't see the need to constantly be surrounded with folks and most of the time I find myself breaking dates to hang out with people and find excuses to avoid further invitations.There are times when I wish that Amorbella lived close to me so I could stop by and hang out but for the most part I'm happy the way things are.


I don't think you need anymore friends. I don't think it's wrong you are into your family and want o spend most of your time with your wife. In fact,I think it's commendable.

Fauxie said:

It's the saddest thing I ever read here

Fauxie said:

And you have a kitty as your avatar.

If you can talk sports with your wife, what do you need male friends for?

Sweeny79 said:

Echoing much of what was written here...

Many of the people I considered friends back in the day, fucked me over ROYALLY. They stole from me, betrayed my trust etc. My wife is my best friend so there's nothing wrong with that (unless we argue and I'm on the couch...). Many of the people I consider my "modern-day" friends all live in Germany so we only stay in touch through email and MySpace...

It's tough and I feel for you but if you can live with it then you'll be okay...

If you're lookin' to make new friends join a club or something I suppose, I dunno, I like my hermititis...

sextonseven said:

Maybe he doesn't want to talk about tight pants and big muscles all the time

NDRU said:

Yup. My old friendships dwindled away (how could they not?) with me being so far away. Sure, at Xmas I'll meet up with a few people at the pub, but we don't have anything to talk about except to recount old stories, and I only go back to the UK every 2 years. Here in Thailand if we go out Mon and I go together and I'm always the only guy at our table. I prefer the company of women, so it's fine with me, but it does feel odd sometimes. I just have no interest in typical expat guys who hang out in bars and pubs. I know many are probably just like me, but you do get a lot of irritating pricks here and I don't feel any really desire to try to strike up a proper friendship with any of them. I'm quite content with being a bit of a hermit and then just hanging out with the girls a couple of nights a month, but should I be?

I only have one straight male friend and he's married to my best friend from growing up. While I consider him family, I only see them about every other month or so.

I had lots of straight guy friends when I was a teenager and in my early 20's. I don't know where they all went.


As for your situation, if you're happy, who cares? If you feel it's something you want in your life, you can change that.

PANDURITO said:

He wants someone with whom to talk about cars?

male friends are overrated.

Sweeny79 said:

I hear ya. I like things simple and straight-forward. I'll even stress out over myspace, facebook and now tagged (where my friend list is basically 15 or so Thai women) about feeling obligated to stay in touch and be a good friend. I feel bad if I can't give everyone the attention I think they deserve (and that's just online!), so I tend to just give up and disappear. I think I pretty much did that with my best friend here in Thailand too, as it became too much to deal with his drama. It's like if it's just this family I can give all the love and time I have to everyone, and we really do need to pull together sometimes.

It's the Thai way anyway, I guess. There are 9 people in the house right now. Apart from my sister in law, I'm to a greater or lesser degree responsible for all of them. It's not something I mind. I love my Thai family, but maybe it doesn't leave me energy for many other people.

sextonseven said:

The kitty is fierce.

Yeah, Mon's pretty cool as far as taste in music, comedy, films etc. so she does make a good friend. She watches the basketball and football with me, we go to the movies, sing karaoke together, go and get drunk together, so I guess I'm not really missing out on having a male friend. She likes girls too so we can check out women together too, like male friends would.

Fauxie said:

The way you're explaining everything, I don't think there is a problem. It's not like you're socializing with no one at all. You have your circle. It's just none of them are male.

Do you fear forgetting how to make with guy talk or something when you do come across a male acquaintance?

I'm the last person that should be giving you advice on this topic as I have no male friends either.

me edit
[Edited 8/14/08 17:34pm]

SirPsycho said:

How so?

You're a male friend of somebody. Are you overrated?

sextonseven said:

i think the farther you move away from your wacky university days, the more you realize you don't have that comfy cast of buddies to rely upon anymore. people get married, they commit to their careers, they have kids, they domesticate, and the more people go down those paths, the less people tend to invest in their friendships. it's sad, but that's how it goes. adults don't seem to nourish friendships the way children and young adults do.

sometimes i feel a pressure, like i'm missing out on something really important and "normal" because i don't have a network of lifelong friends who i always hang out with and call all the time and have over for gossip and card games. but that's television. people in real life are too busy for that kind of thing 99% of the time, and the other 1% of the time we're too tired.

as for having no guy friends, well, i dunno. i used to have a lot of female friends for a long period of time, then there was a shift and i feel like i make a lot more male friends now. maybe it's just happenstance, or maybe it's just something within me shifted and it made me more socially attractive to men than women, i dunno.

these days, i guess it's about equal for me...though i feel like i have more male friends i can really vent at than i have female friends who i can share really personal stuff with. maybe that's a good thing? i dunno.

sextonseven said:

I think I just have to give a lot of time and responsibility to home and I've become very comfortable with that. And it just so happens I prefer the company of Thai women to western men.

I don't seem to have a problem making guy talk, but usually the guy I'll be talking to will just be the boyfriend of a friend of my wife or her sister and it'll just be small talk in a bar. I've little interest, I must admit, but I can do small talk.

Fauxie said:

i'm sorry..i wanna answer you so bad but that kitten in entrancing!


(it's like stephen colbert and baby animal clips)






no but really, i am highly overrated...which is why i prefer the company of women. they always play down their feelings for men! *ba-dum-bum*

SirPsycho said:

Interesting.

Fauxie said:

nah i dont know...i just prefer women's company, all tho i do enjoy my boys every once in a month

Anxiety said:

You vented your true feelings to me in chat that day. That was special.

I'm not an interesting person, anymore.

Fauxie said:

you didn't read a word of my post, did you?

Mysterioso said:

it's a shame what that gorilla did to you...

SirPsycho said:

Sometimes I feel like 'the gay friend'. I go clothes shopping with my wife and her sister and they always look to my advice on whether to buy something or not. I'm picking stuff out for them and suggesting things and I'm way more content doing that, furniture shopping, stopping for an iced tea, going shoe shopping etc. than in the old days when I'd hang out at my friend's house playing PS3 and drinking beer, stupidly going for late-night drives to karaoke bars, getting searched by cops, and buying my friend a hooker for his birthday etc.

I'm still young, I'm 27 years old, but my acquaintances these days, my everyday interactions or friendships if you could call them that, are people like the old lady next door, the woman at the corner shop where I buy beer, a noodle soup seller, a funny old motorbike taxi rider, an old coffin dodger who sells buddhist pendants etc.

Anxiety said:

I read all of it, actually.