This doesn't necessarily apply to my extended family but ever since my cousin died, her immediate family have basically been canibalizing each other. Everyone is divided, money is an issue. A big issue. My aunt and uncle aren't in good health but the surviving siblings, brother and sister, are in rivalries and nobody is appreciative of what still stands even though my cousin is gone. It is so sad to me and it hurts me so bad.

I'm wondering, is this normal for families to go through when experiencing a loss like this? That's basically my question here. This was the first death other than from old age in my family and part of me wants to get involved but it is all such a huge mess that I don't think there is anything I can do.

We have had many deaths in my family. It destroyed the family and it is the reason I am estranged from them now!!!

They wanted to be all about money instead of doing the right things like taking care of the elders in the family!!! Sickening to say the least!!!

rachel3 said:

You have no idea the drama surrounding the money. Oh. MY. GOD!

When my nephew died six years ago, it tore my relationship with my youngest sister apart. We still don't really speak to each other.

Stymie said:

Why? Was it the grief? I feel like this just gave rise to a lifetime full of issues that everyone is or has had with each other and for some reason my cousin's death gave everyone a perceieved license to ill. I can't believe it.

Every death that has happened in my family has made us all come together one way or another.

But... my grandmother is on her death bed now. The doctor has given her hours to days left and my family is acting like damn fools. Instead of spending her last days with her, they wanna bullshit. Its stupid. But im getting my time in with her and thats all I can handle at this point.

The deaths in my family have always brought us closer together, at least during my lifetime. I know that when my grandfather passed, his side of the family basically cut off all communication with my grandmother and the children

DanceWme said:

Damn

DanceWme said:

Baby, I'm sorry this is happening but I am so glad that you are making the most of the time you have left. I have spent a lot of time with my grandmother because I know one day she will not be here anymore. I don't want to look back and say I should have. I want to say I did

When she passes, just know you have family here that will always welcome you with open arms and love

.
[Edited 8/12/08 14:56pm]

JessieJ said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Thank You!

Exactly give folks their props and flowers while they are alive!!! I always try to end a conversation or my last visit with a person on a happy note!! I may not see then again, we are living in perilous times and nothing is promised to any of us.

I also say I Am Sorry and I Love You a whole lot more too, never did before but life has a way of making you appreciate even the little things!!!

rachel3 said:

You know, here is the thing. I have wanted to share my articles that I have written, or at least tell my family how my cousin's death has brought me closer to the path I know I am meant to walk. But now things have gotten to vicious and so evil I don't know if it's even appropriate anymore. I want to do this for me but I also want to let them know that there is a purpose in her death and that it isn't completely senseless.

I have been destroyed by my cousin's death but I can't imagine my cousin's and my aunt and uncle and how they really feel. I just want to yell at everyone to just fucking STOP IT but it's like one of those things that if you get in the middle you're going to get mowed down too.

DanceWme said:

I am sorry Steph.

My grnadmother is all I have and she has early stage Alzheimer's and dementia has set in. When she leaves this life, the rest of our family will fall apart. We barely speak as it is.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

The younger sisters have always been jealous of the older ones. The shit just came to a head when my nephew passed on.

Stymie said:

Any death should always bring people together.

both of my parents have told me over the years that when my maternal grandfather died, it was a catalyst for my parents' divorce. they had put so much time and effort into helping my grandmother care for him in the final years of his life, they said that once he died that they realized they had nothing left in common anymore and didn't want to keep the marriage going just for the sake of pretending for my sake.

ironically, i think my mother's death brought me closer in my own relationship because my partner was probably the first person i've ever dated who treated my mother like part of his own family and took on the responsibilities of helping me deal with the last weeks of her life and all the details of what came after.

Anxiety said:

Sadly, it happened in my family as well. A couple of weeks after my grandfather died everything was fine, then my aunt, who lived with my grandfather because her husband left her years ago, started to want EVERYTHING. She wanted both of his houses and she just wanted money, properties and she started to make everyone fight. It was so sad cause we used to be ota close

my aunt


and supa

When my cousin/godsister died last year, it brought my family together. My aunt(her mother) and my uncle hadn't talked in some time and were at odds for several reasons (his wife instigated alot of the drama), but when my cousin passed away, they realized all the crap was worthless. my mom and aunt couldn't stop crying and smiling when my uncle hugged them and said "my baby sisters" this was the closest I had seen them since I was really young and they all get along great

It's torn my Brother and Step-Dad's relationship apart when my Mum died that was 10 years ago (almost to the day) and they are now farther from talking than ever... It also caused a lot of hurt in others too, that hasn't healed, but not 'tearing us apart' as such

It brought us much closer together, although we were already very close. It REaLLY brought my niece and I amazingly close ...it was her mother (my sister) who died. ...

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

It's happened in my family too. It's pretty common, from what I've been told and what I've read - especially with more tragic deaths like your cousin's.

Things will even out eventually. I'm very relieved to say that there's been a happy ending in my family and there's been a lot of healing happening.
I hope the same for yours, honey.

Anxiety said:

That is what a good caring partner does.

tore it apart...ever see Soul Food?

PleasurePrinciple said:

That came out around the time the drama in my family was happening. I bought a copy of it and sat down each person in my family and made them watch it. It really helped us. That movie is near and dear to my heart.

My mother's death last year brought my brother, one of my sisters, and myself much closer. Me and my brother drink together every Friday night. I speak to one of my sisters from time to time on the phone and I speak to my other sister, who lives out of state, periodically also. Before my mother's death, we hardly ever spoke to or saw each other at all.

As far as fighting over money goes, there's no fighting if there ain't no money to be given out. From the money that was left over from her burial insurance, we each got about $1200 each. Other than that, my mother had no money and her bank account was completely empty even before she died, which was no surprise because in Mississippi, we live paycheck to paycheck.

applekisses said:

wow,what a great idea

Thank you everyone for replying. In many ways my cousin's death has brought me much closer to my family. I would like to think that if it were a death in my immediate family I would become closer to everyone who survived. What is happening between my aunt/uncle/cousins is probably going to destroy each and every relationship between them. It's just awful.

applekisses said:

Thank you baby

A death. It tore my family completely apart.

And of course, it was all about money.