Volitan said:

I almost expect nothing less of you.

Stymie said:

what?

Volitan said:

A person who is a member of this community and the LBGT family just said he found those words to be hurtful. It almost makes sense that people HERE would turn around and use them in a purposely offensive manner.

So I'm on youtube, checking out premieres of the new Batman flick, and along comes one of these comments where the person posting just wants to insult another person, but instead of the general comments, he uses the word "homo". When I'm at youtube, and I see someone post anti-gay slurs, I just write them a one-word sentence: Stop using the word ___ (homo, fag) to mean something negative..." But let me tell you what I thought about writing:

"You nasty little punk, we gay people are gettin' DAMN SICK AND TIRED of fuckwads like you using the word "homo" to mean something bad! You'd better be lucky that you're able to hide behind the security of your computer screen, or else maybe you'd be asked to meet someone somewhere, and had a bunch of queens waiting there to WHOOP YOUR IGNORANT ASS (AND THEN FUCK IT!). Catch a clue and grow your fucking ass up, you homophobic fuck!"

I didn't write that, because it's not worth getting into an argument with a person I'm most likely never going to meet. However, I thought I would share this here at the org, not only cuz there's at least several rainbow brothers/sisters (just like the sun, we rise) that have no doubt felt indignant at hearing these phrases, but also to shed a little light to the ones here that may use such slurs.

Saying "fag", "homo", or "that's so gay", when you're not gay, is just as insulting to a gay person as other slurs about race, gender, religion, etc. You may have heard someone downplay anti-gay slurs as being "no big deal" or "that doesn't mean what you're saying it means..." - but they ARE as big a deal (Blanche!) Maybe even moreso, because you can't always see if someone is gay, like you can with a person of color (though it sure does come in handy to wear your sexual orientation on your sleeve, cuz if they can see it, they are much less likely to say things knowing you're around; but not everyone is obvious, I reiterate.)

In other words, NAMES DO HURT! No one has the right to bandy about words and phrases like this unless you are what you are calling someone else (and even then, there's only marginal uses."

Imagine this scenario - you are someone who uses such slurs, and you say it in reference to someone, and there's a pre-teen or young teen who hears you say it. They have just come to grips with the possibility that they are different, and may not have the same sexuality as you - in fact, you're the first person they hear that word from, but they can guess what you mean, and what type of person you're talking about. You may have scarred that person permanently. I mean, sure, the kid's gonna hear it sooner or later, but wouldn't you rather avoid scarring someone by calling them out their name?

Stymie said:

oh. It's the internet. Big fuckin deal.

Volitan said:

And like I said, people grow balls behind a screen.

I care, because in this case, there are a lot of people under 18 that use the sight, and kids can be cruel and thoughtless, just because they don't know or are not taught any better. I also care because people have the right to be called only what they want to be called. In other words, I don't have the right to call a person of color anything except what they choose to refer to themselves to - the old argument of "if it walks like a duck..." has never washed with me.

(Similarly, my father used to have this thing about wanting to call anyone that is of Spanish descent by one label - he couldn't grasp that just as people in Europe can be British, German, Italian, etc., people from south of the US Border can be Mexican, Guatemalan, Brazilian, etc. (boils down to an "you're different" argument.)

The point is that it's not fair to call someone by a label, without consulting with them first. Just as a Mexican person would not consent to being called a "beaner", I do not consent to anyone calling me "homo" or "fag". Now do you see why I care?

rolling said:

I don't use the word 'homo' but I am guilty of saying "that's soo gay"...and quite often. I don't mean it to be hurtful but I guess I have to watch what I say. Just like the time I said "that's retarded" in front of my friend who has a retarded sister. She didn't take offense to it but I felt HORRIBLE.

Is it still hurtful if we don't intend it to be that way? I mean, I think saying that's so gay isn't as bad as calling someone a fucking homo. But what do I know

I don't use the word 'homo' but I am guilty of saying "that's soo gay"...and quite often. I don't mean it to be hurtful but I guess I have to watch what I say. Just like the time I said "that's retarded" in front of my friend who has a retarded sister. She didn't take offense to it but I felt HORRIBLE.

Is it still hurtful if we don't intend it to be that way? I mean, I think saying that's so gay isn't as bad as calling someone a fucking homo. But what do I know

CarrieLee said:

I think it's also knowing where the offending person is coming from though.


But yeah, sometimes we say things before we realize they may have emotional consequences to members of the audience.

That's why I don't use the word midget.... like EVER... to refer to anything small. Little people, or dwarfs, take offense to it.

Ultimately, I know people are sick of political correctness, but I'm learning that a tiny bit of restraint on my part may mean a big deal to others even if I don't understand what the hoopla is.

CarrieLee said:

I used the word "retarded" all the time....BUT they don't call them "retarded" anymore anyway so does that make it ok to use it?

.
[Edited 8/5/08 7:42am]

Shorty said:

What is it called now? Mentally challenged or some shit?

I think we all have a little bit of foot in mouth syndrome. I don't mean it to be hurtful, I guess we all just have to stop and think about what we say once in a while.

HamsterHuey said:

I saw that before you edited! Bad bad Gooey!

CarrieLee said:

or maybe people should stop being so damn sensitive. Ok..I admit..I try not to offend people too but dang if they are still offended..well there ain't nuttin' I can do to stop that.

sometimes i hear very young children on the street calling eachother "homo".

dawntreader said:

I have to admit to having been guilty of that when I was a young child. I didn't even know what it meant, but someone apparently taught me that it was insulting, and I said it. And "retarded," too. Kids learn the worst stuff, and at a young age!

And I probably still say offensive things that I'm not aware of. oh, well, I'm trying.

NDRU said:

You me and Carrie....we're horrible people!

JustErin said:

quite the opposite. you are trying and that is more than we can say of the people who just turn the problem around.

NDRU said:

You me and Carrie....we're horrible people!

JustErin said:

evil, I might say!

CarrieLee said:

or maybe people should stop being so damn sensitive. Ok..I admit..I try not to offend people too but dang if they are still offended..well there ain't nuttin' I can do to stop that.

dawntreader said:

well hello! I think that was a stab at me! oh well. I don't care...I'm not easily offended

Stymie said:

[Edited 8/5/08 5:10am]