In a related story...

- Daniel Gilbert (Stumbling on Happiness)

I'd agree with that
I'm even happier at work in the office.

i read recently that parents are at thier happiest during the first two years of their kids lives.
the awe over new life and all that wears off.

i must admit i love when their bed-time comes and i have an hour or so to myself before hubby comes home.

Ace said:

That's because kids are assholes.



No, I think it's in part because somewhere along the line, someone decided that mothers have to be their children's maid, waitress, concierge, best friend and chief source of entertainment. Which is bullshit. It's not normal, natural or healthy, and I really think it's a large part of why a lot of mothers are unhappy.

Teach them to be independent, let them live their own lives, love them, keep them safe and give them clear rules to live by, with clear consequences when they don't. I'm not saying our four children don't drive me nuts, but I damn sure don't feel imprisoned by them like a lot of these overachieving, overcoddling mothers do.

Also, I think it's awesome that every single one of these teenage couples who were all "We want a baby! We're totally mature and ready, yo!" have all broken up.

TheMistress said:

I am so glad to call you my friend.

I never watched the show but it's good to hear it's working!
I think most women, when they become mothers...become ONLY a mother, they forget to find time for themselves. There's usually some talk about setting up dates with your husband for some alone time and that's good but...ladies...you need a GNO! (Girls night out) and not like once a year, but like on a regular schedule. Be it once a month or once a week, to got out to eat, or shop or drink what ever you want it to be...it shall be! I go out ever other friday night with my best friend, we usually go out to eat and then have a couple drinks, but sometimes we go shopping, or get a tattoo or what ever we want to do. I LOVE IT! it's my saving grace! My husband on the other hand wishes I didn't need to "get away" but...he clearly doesn't understand and I don't care.

TheMistress said:

truth. As soon as the B-word comes up, it all comes crashing down soon after. At least when you're 17 or 18....

All these shows on tv that I had no idea existed.

that last show where the one couple had their dramatic break up and the guy just left, well they deserved each other. Too bad for her that his scarecrow looking ass was running home to suck his best friends dick.

TheMistress said:

angelcat said:

that's cause the kids haven't developed minds of their own yet,
I was happiest before they could walk and just lay there

TheMistress said:

Oh my god, WORD... SO WORD!... Teach your kids to be themselves and DO NOT PAMPER!!

I actually know a "mom" who tried tokeep her baby on a schedule from birth onward (feeding, potty, naps, the whole nine yards)... sickening

RenHoek said:

But this brings up the question of WHY people have kids in the first place. Some don't do it to bring a healthy, well rounded person into the world. Some do it b/c they want someone to take care of/smother/pamper, that whole "need to be needed" thing. There's so many different reasons, not all of which have the kids best interest @ heart (nor the mom's really, but they're feeding whatever need despite it being not so healthy)...

CalhounSq said:

I agreed to have them so he wouldn't leave me for someone that WOULD have his babies. I was pretty stupid and obviously not at all secure in this relationship. And they ARE nice when they are babies, just like puppies and kittens are nice I had them for ALL the wrong reasons, and paying for it now.

Bring a child into this world is a HUGE responsibility.
Ppl do it for various reasons and since I do not have them myself, I really cannot tell others what those reasons should be.

I know that because I had two parents that resented having me once I was born, it shaped the way that I look at having children of my own.

I was told from a very early age how much children change your life as an adult.
The negative effects that it has on adults that are not ready or that have too many of their own issues and demons to deal with than to raise a child properly.

I told myself when I was growing up that I would never have a child and have it feel the way that I did growing up.

I could not do that to another human being.
I have learned a lot as an adult and I recognise where my feelings towards having children have come from.

Parents need to know that the things they say to children when they are younger can/will effect them for the rest of their lives.

My mom has mentioned in the past that she wanted grankids and was disappointed when I told her that I did not want any.
I went through periods of guilt because I am an only child and would deprive her of being a grand mother.
I have since gotten over those feelings.

I am glad that I waited and did not have them when I was younger. I know that I would have resented them as my mom always resented having to raise me.

shanti0608 said:

Only YOU know when and if it's right. I'm glad your mind has changed. If and when you decide to have kids, you and Phil will be AMAZING parents.

The only thing stopping me from having any kids is money. I think I would get a surrogate. I know my life would change. I would be like my parents. I can't even describe how they were with me. Unconditional love doesn't even begin to describe it.

ZombieKitten said:

Well the good thing is how much you love them once they're here, & I know you love your kiddies

CalhounSq said:

yes
They will never know anything other than that they were wished for, wanted and loved.

(my mum told me my sister and I were "surprises", my dad told us we were "mistakes" )

ZombieKitten said:

i hear ya.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Thank you my friend

I think you would make a great parent. You are sooooo patient.

RenHoek said:

I've encountered women like that. They give me the creeps.

TheMistress said:

the gina forde followers. 'The contented little baby book'

really strict schedule to try to stick to.

angelcat said:

It's pathological.

Structure and routine are important to a degree, but Jesus Robocop Christ, these people approach child rearing like they're running a company. I'm so glad I got knocked up at 17 and just flew by the seat of my pants and the advice of mothers I knew, like God intended when he wrote his book It Takes A Village. Wait, that was Hillary Clinton. Whatever, she's just as old.

FunkMistress said:

i bought loads of books about baby rearing, but the best advice always came from other mums.

angelcat said:

Don't get me wrong, I read tons of books when I was pregnant. Information is really never a bad thing. But yeah, as far as what to do, other mamas were almost always the best source. Especially the old ones, who told me to drink a beer a day while I was breastfeeding so I'd produce more milk!

FunkMistress said:

FunkMistress said:

that must have been a happy baby.
i followed the books advice religiously with my first. i couldn't take advice from anyone (ESP MUM & MUM IN LAW) for ages.

i realxed a lot more once i had my second.