Those of you humans who shop at Sam's or Wal-Mart, you've seen them. Those odd shaped milk jugs that are supposedly better for the environment and easier to transport. They look like this:



Well, all I want to know is this. Did any of you small brains ever ask a cow how they felt about this? Look cows are just as concerned as anybody about saving the planet which, of course, you humans screwed up. (And before you even start, do not bring up the boneheaded theory of methane released from my bovine brothers and sisters destroying the earth...cows will not be your scapegoats!) But what you did not consider is how clumsy and incompetent that most of your species is. And how that is going to come back to kick cows in the butt.

I've peaked in the windows as a few of you have tried to pour these jugs. Your opposable thumbs are no match for these bottles, as milk comes gushing out all over your counters. The instructions say clearly "Tip bottle and pour slowly". But do you? Nooooo. It ends up that you are able to use maybe half or less of the bottle because you are spilling it all over the place. Then you have to go out and buy more milk and the cycle continues.

Meanwhile now my dairy sisters are going to have to get milked even more to make up for all the milk you are spilling, causing us more chafed udders and degradation. And since many of you refuse to put lotion on your hands, I don't foresee this process getting any more pleasant any time soon.

I am representing the vast majority of cows who oppose this new human invention and we are not going to take this sitting down.

Humans, watch out. We are reaching our tipping point!

How do u type?

DanceWme said:

Special keyboard...letter keys are hoof sensitive...

Cow said:

oohhh ok

well tell ur dairy sisters that we are sorry, k?

Cow said:

I buy milk in half-gallon glass jugs - which I return for deposit.

And the milk is non-homogenized - the way nature intended.

You know why this thread is not taking off...

it would not be"hoove" you humans to publicize this issue.

Get it, huh? Cows have hooves.

You are all sheep.

Cow said:

A few of us are pigs.

Cow said:

Mooooo

Cow said:

awww. don't feel bad Cow. the REAL reason people aren't posting is that they are intimidated. yes, intimidated. because let's face it humans are not anywhere near as impressive as Cows.

humans have only two legs, while Cows have four legs. Cows have twice as many legs as humans! plus, humans cannot eat grass and turn it into milk the way Cows easily do, and our dispositions are nowhere near as gentle and sweet as that of an average Cow. we are bald over much of our body whereas Cows have a nice layer of hair covering them.

so, to sum up, our innate sense of human inferiority is what is keeping this thread from bursting into flames. sheer Cow envy is keeping the would-be-posters away.

Never saw those jugs in my life.


Whew, I'm not part of that chaffing problem.

DanceWme said:

very talented utters

Cow -- I totally agree with you. Those jugs are shitty. What makes much more sense if for us to all keep our own cows in our backyards and just take the milk at will. Then when we want no more milk... Prime Rib.

Genesia said:

aren't you special

Am I the only one who thought this was gonna be a boob-thread?

Sophia: Find out what pills she's taking and get me a doggie bag."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

magnificentsynthesizer said:

I saw this thread and went looking for images such as this.

You did not let me down! Awesome!

abierman said:

you are not alone my friend...I miss the semi-weekly boob threads...

XxAxX said:

Co-

XxAxX said:

If only all humans were as enlightened as you...well then you would all be cows I guess.

I will discuss with the elders how we can make you an honorary cow. It is the highest honor that humans can attain in the cow world.

Cow said:

and once i join your ranks, together we will plan and carry out the rebellion! farmers across the nation will awaken to a brand new day, baby!

we will turn the tables, hook THEM up to the milking mahcines and let them see how THEY like that noise!

got milk?! milk THIS, humans!!!!!

This thread is making my boobs hurt.

XxAxX said:

that's sooooo 2005. Maybe 2004.

The Cow Power Generation? Remember that? I too, was once charmed by Cow and fell under her silky anti-human sway. No more. I've seen the Light and been reminded that our human destiny is to have dominion over all the earth, to suck the udders dry and eat meat, meat, meat til the cows come home. Yee-haw!!!

QUE VIVA PARA SIEMPRE EL HUMAN POWER GENERATION!

magnificentsynthesizer said:

madartista said:

sounds like you have had one too many sips from the unpasteurized jug, dear.

applekisses said:

this thread really mooooves me

XxAxX said:

I've got to give you a hand...I mean...this one gets my goat...um...


I got nothin.

applekisses said:

this thread is udderly too much

I thought you were talking about tits. I'm so disappointed.