JustErin said:

You've been listening to the wrong people, IMHO.

I've tried to research the divorce rates for various groups and as you might imagine, the numbers are all over the board. Some studies say Christians have the same divorce rate as non-Christians; some say it is less; some say it is higher.

I said, go to a church if you want to see happy marriages. A deeper reading into that is, "Not all Christians go to church". There are so many twice-a-year Christians (they go to church twice a year - Easter and Christmas, and that's it). I'm not saying they aren't Christians, but they are not availing themselves of the wisdom the church has to offer.

I know that in my medium-sized Baptist church, I know of one impending divorce among the 400 or so married couples. This divorce is the result of the man having to spend a year away from his family because he was sent to Afghanistan by the Navy (yes - the NAVY. Still haven't figured that one out). When he came home, his wife had grown distant, and he hasn't been able to fix it.

hokie said:

I don't see that. Maybe I've just been fortunate, and every church I've attended has been filled with really happy people.

Christians are not immune from the same problems as the rest of the world, but they know how to let God handle the worry. That's what makes them happy.

There's no "seeming" about it!
[Edited 7/25/08 8:40am]

rolling said:

Marriage is difficult but I believe in it. America is at fault for the divorce rate, because America has put a financial burden on holding a family together. America hasn't dedicated it self to the family structure. It's simply a means that this country builds on wealth, and debt. Without marriage, banks would go out of business.

Until America truely dedicate itself to kids and families, the divorce rate will continue to grow.

.

RodeoSchro said:

Sorry, but divorce statistics and couples keeping up appearances (cuz let's face it, no matter what people try to say the church does not look favoringly at divorce so people hide their unhappiness) do not = happy couples.

JustErin said:

You are wrong. Only the Catholic Church does not recognize divorce.

Every other church I've attended (Baptist, Episcopal and Methodist) not only recognizes divorce, but provides counseling to people that have been divorced.

If these churches looked "unfavoringly" on divorce, they would not provide counseling to those that had already gone through it.

I have friends that have been through a divorce and are in leadership positions in my church.

RodeoSchro said:

You can get divorced you just need an annulment too if you wish to get married in the church again.

RodeoSchro said:

I don't buy that. The church is supposed to help people even if they've done something wrong. Even the Catholic church.

And don't you think that even your church would do all it could to keep a marriage together by default, suggesting things like "marriage is work," etc? I can't imagine any church suggesting that "if it's not fun anymore it's just not worth it, move on."

RodeoSchro said:

I'm not talking about churches that do not recognize it.

I'm talking about religions that teach strongly that you work through everything because next to God, marriage is something that is of utmost importance.

On paper this is a good thing...I definitely agree with that way of thinking but in reality, people who are unhappy for whatever reason will stay in a marriage because of religious teachings or because they simply have faith in God, that He will work out their problems for them.

Again, a person who appears happy with other church members does not automatically mean they are happy at home.

I'm not saying people are all unhappy, I'm just saying that the church environment is not a good indicator as to who is happy and who is not.

Sweeny79 said:

OK, thanks. I'm not Catholic.

NDRU said:

But Marriage is work. The problem today is people do give up too easy. Who said that marriage was supposed to be fun all the time?

JustErin said:

I agree with you on that part, but I also think that prayer and faith help a marriage.

Sweeny79 said:

That's cool.

I don't.

JustErin said:

You're saying some people pretend to look happy because their church looks unfavoringly on divorce. But that's not true.

While the church does not want people to get divorced, they know it will happen in some cases, and they offer help to those that have gone through it.

No church I have ever attended has placed a scarlet letter on those that have been divorced. EVERY church I've been to has asked us to pray for those that are going through divorce.

I wish you could have been there when my friend stood up in front of everyone he loved in the church, announced that he and his wife were separating, and asked for our prayers.

He would not have done this is he was afraid he'd be castigated in the church if he got divorced. He did this because he knew he'd be SUPPORTED by the church if the worst happened.
[Edited 7/25/08 9:23am]

Actually, what can help a marriage a great deal is if both partners have similar spiritual paths and can share that aspect of life and commitment to God together. This is true for Buddhists too!

rolling said:

If you have a good, strong relationship, why ruin it with marriage.
It just a piece of paper, its up to the couple to keep things together.
Happiness is a state of mind, not a wedding ring.
I think faith and prayer in trying times help too.

Sweeny79 said:

I agree, but my point is not what I think, but what I think RodeoShro's church probably thinks, too. That even if his church allows divorce, they probably don't take it lightly, and do all they can to provide counselling to keep a marriage together.
[Edited 7/25/08 9:25am]

heartbeatocean said:

Bingo!

amorbella said:

NDRU said:

Why did you edit?

That last part is kinda true too.

But Church isn't the only place people misrepresent themselves.

Yes, I do believe in marriage. I've been married for 20 years this Sept. and it has worked very well for me. I do realize that it's not for everyone though.

I married a man that I was friends with first. We were young, but we spent 2 years as friends and another 6 years as a couple before we married. We genuinely like each other and I believe that is key. You have to like the person you marry and want to spend most of your time with that person. Obviously, you have to be in love too, but being friends with your spouse is crucial.

Fortunately, I married a man with good morals, excellent work ethic and he's also sensitive, caring and very supportive. I got very lucky!

heartbeatocean said:

Any shared interest is good for a relationship, even Chinese food

NDRU said:

It's not an interest, it's a life path.

Sweeny79 said:

Oh it just seemed a separate point so I dumped it.

But what I said was "gossip in the church is rampant, so some people probably have on 'happy marriage' faces."

And I definitely agree the Church isn't the only place people misrepresent themselves. I see church as another part of society (in addition to it's spiritual function). I don't advertize my relationship troubles at work either. Church is one of those places where a lot of people get together on a regular basis, though. I don't really have an equivalent in my life.

Sweeny79 said:

ideally, yes. for many it's the thing they dread on Sunday morning.

NDRU said:

Then those people shouldn't even bother going because they aremissing the whole damn point and of course it's not going to help them, in marriage or in life at large.

Sweeny79 said:

I agree, but if two people go to church every sunday and hate it, that's something they share too!

NDRU said:

Sweeny79 said:

I love u!!

amorbella said:

Love you too!

amorbella said:

It's not just a piece of paper to me.

To me it is a concrete promise, a leap of faith in action. When I called Chris my boyfriend, it felt so fleeting. Theoretically I could have ten more boyfriends after him if I wanted. But when I call him my husband, it feel so much more right. It's permanent, and that's what I want our relationship to be. When I married him I was saying "This is it for me. I am making a solid commitment to loving you and only you for the rest of our lives."

It says that even though we see failed relationships and misery all around us, we believe in this partnership with such ferocity that we are willing to promise to put in the work of constantly building it into a strong, happy marriage. That neither of us will ever leave no matter how hard it gets. The security that brings is indescribable when you know it is the truth.

For some people those promises are unnecessary, and that's fine. For us, it was something we felt was necessary.