ZombieKitten said:

My situation is the perfect relationship!

But if I was with someone serious and with all the time and I felt those feelings I would leave...1 kid or 3, wouldn't matter...I would be out of there.

JustErin said:

while i do agree with you, i think that it's a situation of "easier said than done".

JustErin said:

for great sex, yes

but is sex everything?

ZombieKitten said:

only when I don't get enough

And before anyone forms some kind of opinion about me, I am not with-holding any head
I have (PLENTY of) issues in my marriage, but that is NOT one of them.

NDRU said:

I totally sympathise

ZombieKitten said:

I never said it was everything.

And it's great for far more than just great sex.

ZombieKitten said:

But your point is well taken. People can be different things for each other. They might be good parents, good friends, good lovers. Maybe not all of those, at least not at the same time. If a person is a good friend, good father, good provider, but not good lover at the moment, is that enough reason to throw away the entire relationship? Or do you hang on and do a little complaining on the org and wait to see where things are next month?

JustErin said:

it is
the perfect living arrangement would have to be separate places if residence
imagine:
nobody messing up and the other cleaning up after them all the time
time out when needed - each can have a place of sanctuary
being together is WHEN YOU BOTH CHOOSE to (of course the sex will be hot then )

NDRU said:

or family

I live in hope

Damn am I ever glad I'm single.

NDRU said:

If one person is not happy with even just one aspect of a relationship it is very rare for it to not then effect other areas as well. One problem usually leads to another and it just snowballs from there.

So it's usually not a case of people throwing it all away just because of one little thing.

JustErin said:

but sometimes people do work things out, no?

even if there is a snowball effect in the relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean that the whole relationship needs to be left for dead, does it?

i think that if you've invested a great deal of your life and emotions into a relationship, then it's worth it to weather out the rough patches and try to make things work, especially if there are children involved.

This is not meant as a personal attack against you, JustErin but sometimes I feel like people view relationships the way they view a meal at a restaurant...if one thing isn't exactly how they ordered it they just send the whole thing back. It seems a bit sad.

But then again, you do have those situations where things are damaged beyond repair and you do have to just move on for the sake of everyone involved.

JasmineFire said:

Exactly ....also I think its safe to say it's very rare to find a relationship that is perfect in all ways ..all the time ..

JasmineFire said:

absolutely, and if that was the case, you shouldn't hesitate to start fresh.

JasmineFire said:

Of course it can be worked out sometimes...but two people need to come to the table to work it out together, equally and let's be honest here that doesn't tend to happen too often.

But yes, it can work out...but I will never think that 'for the sake of the children' is ever, ever a good idea.

I don't feel attacked by your (possible) impression of me, that is the way I view relationships to a certain degree. I'm not willing to settle. I spent my younger years doing that and really, I'd rather be alone than be in something that I am constantly trying to make work.

JustErin said:

I wish you were into girls.

Stymie said:

It's nice to know that at least somebody thinks the way I do.

JustErin said:

I do on a lot of stuff you post here.

JustErin said:

you're sort of implying if there's one problem, just get rid of the person because it will only get worse. Do you believe there's someone perfect, or that people just shouldn't stay together?

I think if you stay with someone, anyone, there will be at least one big issue. That's one great reason to not stay with anyone, but then that's not perfect either.
[Edited 7/21/08 18:23pm]

NDRU said:

With me it was the opposite...my ex was a great friend, a good lover, and was/remains a fantastic parent. But living in a marriage where you're only friends can be soul destroying when what you want it true, passionate, fulfilling, intimate love and connection...and you really don't see you ever having those things with this person, no matter how good a person they are.

My ex even started blaming herself for the lack of passion in our marriage, assuming its absence was due to something she was doing "wrong" ...and the truth was, there was nothing she could do to suddenly make me fall in love with her. The telling thing was, after we divorced she actually had a load lifted from both her mind and heart because she finally realized and accepted the truth behind why we were more like roommates than husband and wife...she stopped blaming herself and her self-esteem stopped taking so many hits. As for me, I never realized she was doing that ...our separation actually helped us both become healthier people. We're still very close, and still remain friends...and our daughter has survived the divorce in a much healthier way because of it.

NDRU said:

No, that's not what I am saying.

To add more to it, most people do not address the one problem that starts it all...or they dismiss it as not a real problem that is something that will effect the relationship.

ZombieKitten said:

If only it was ever that easy!

ZombieKitten said:

ZombieKitten said:

mdiver said:

BlueZebra said:

Amaxx said:

I really do too!

ZombieKitten said:

What can U do?????

Ocean said:

I have to disagree.

We have four kids, jobs, chores, legal issues, family issues, health problems on both our parts, bills, cooking, cleaning, etc. For me, that never interferes with how attractive I find the person I love, or how much I enjoy being with him. And he is the same way. It's just a part of every moment, regardless of whatever else those moments include, instead of something I feel I need to squeeze in to the schedule around everything else. There are ways to show affection all the time - a squeeze or a kiss or a crotch-grab while you're passing each other on the way from the laundry room to the mop bucket, or a quick blowjob in the closet before leaving for work (not kidding! ) You can talk to each other while you're in the car driving the kids somewhere, and make each other laugh during pretty much any mundane family activity.

I'm not even trying to compare my situation with yours, or saying I'm better than anyone else, or any of that bullshit. I'm just pointing out that it's in no way impossible to fit romance in. I just don't buy it when people say that marriage and family life somehow inherently deters a healthy sex life or partners finding each other attractive and exciting. It takes both people to be aware and interested, but it's possible for that spark to continuously, uh, sparkle? My words are running out; it's late.
[Edited 7/21/08 22:55pm]