INSATIABLE said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

I used to keep a lot of stuff for sentimental reasons, sometimes I still do but I have literally lost all of my posessions a couple times. Once when my friend grabbed all my stuff to take to my mom's house and she got stopped on the way, had warrants and they towed her car. They would not release my stuff to me without the tow bill being paid. I lost all my music, the personal stuff that meant the most to me, my clothes. everything.

I still tend to have a lot of things but for me it's a matter of disorganization. I hate throwing things away, like plastic bags for example, when I know they can be recycled at the store so my jacket pocket might be stuffed with plastic bags because I can't stand the thought of just dumping them in the trash knowing what they can do to the environment

for me it boils down to organization and lack of space and the less space, the more stressed I become about being organized. When I purge I purge and I have gotten really good about being realistic about why I need to keep something and if I need it or not.

Lately though I've been throwing those plastic bags in any ole trash

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

just go to the supermarket with a big ball of those things and be done with it!

ZombieKitten said:

How old is she and has she ever been very poor? I find that people who come from eras like the great depression where you literally clung to every scrap you could for survival have this issue and I also notice those that grew up very poor feeling unable to let go because of never having had in the first place.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

she is my age


I've known her since 95, she wasn't always like this.
She wasn't poor before, but now she is below poverty line.

ZombieKitten said:

Well I'm on the bus and train right now so it could REALLY impede on my schedule if I do that

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

ZombieKitten said:

My commute is 6+ hours each day! That's changing very soon though

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

6 hours a day? Yikes!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

WHY in the hell

ZombieKitten said:

I know someone who has newspapers all over their house and they want to be able to go through them to read them and glance at articles and stuff but they can never get to the task because of the draw on them from others around them. And I have figured out what the issue is. This person deserves to be able to read the papers but it's basically a pissing match and they don't want to get rid of them because it would be giving someone else control of their life. But it's being controlled without the ability to just recycle and be done with it.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

it IS about control and having some kind of it.
She used to tell me she felt discarded (by family, boyfriends, employers etc), so I guess she has empathy for these things nobody else wants.

ZombieKitten said:

Damn that is DEEP!

Cinnie said:

you think that makes sense? Just my theory. I think since having her child, things are looking up for her, he is her sunshine, he loves nobody but her. It might change her outlook - since finally she has someone who loves her unconditionally.

I'm a half-hoarder. I throw lots of stuff away, but I also keep a bunch of crap I don't need. I don't know how I'd approach it in another person. You can tell them, but they are the only ones who can make the decision, ultimately.

NDRU said:

I think the important thing is to see it from their perspective.
All I can argue is the quality of life aspect. She wants to be more comfortable, so things must change.

ZombieKitten said:

I don't know if this was addressed already, but it might hit home to this person if you said you weren't comfortable coming to her house anymore.

NDRU said:

I've only been twice!
all that will do is prove to her I'm not worthy of her friendship, since it justifies that all people are judgemental and superficial if they cannot accept her for the way she is.
She got to that point, the lowest point, where she couldn't see a way out, and she swallowed her pride and ASKED for help, I said YES.

my grandma has this problem.....i think it's because she lived in poverty for many years, and had a really diffcult life, her husband passed away in the early 1970's, and she still had 4 kids to take of on her own. now when i visit her apartment, she has stuff everywhere. she buys tons of food at once, she'll hide 50 boxes of cereal behind her sofa! it makes me really sad! but when i tried to talk to her, it hurt her feelings. it's a very difficult situation!

ZombieKitten said:

oh, I missed the part where she asked you to help her move. Yeah I agree that my suggestion wouldn't work in that case.

I think you'd have to get her to start investigating the disorder herself, rather than try to help her with what you're learning about it. Maybe you can get her a book, I know it's another possession, but maybe a positive one! And you know she'll keep it, right? Sorry, but maybe she'll understand her problem if the book makes sense.

wow zombie... that is really fantastic of you to assist her with this.
i believe the clutter starts to overwhelm the hoarder to a point where they
just can't start to make a dent in anything. mail piles up, papers go un-recycled...
perhaps if she is open to it a suggestion to talk to someone professionally
wouldn't be amiss. and i really hope for her sake that she feels a sense
of freedom after all the stuff goes to storage. perhaps much like anx's
"ten" rule, a box at a time could come out of storage so it's not overwhelming.
and things that truly mean something to her can be kept and the rest dealt with.

emm said:

I mentioned the 10 list, she is very interested!



she is totally aware of the problem, and I can see after this afternoon, she wants change

NDRU said: