do you have a hard time giving away/discarding items that belonged to a dceased loved one? i'm not referring to your usual stuff, but things you have absolutely no practical use for other than they belonged to your loved one. i'm cleaning the basement out at the family house and there's so much stuff of my mom's that i have no use for (her walker, her wheelchair, clothes she used to wear). i know the practical thing would be to donate it to charity or something like that, but it hasn't quite been a year yet, and i'm just not there yet.

My mum and her sister had to empty my grandmother's apartment when she moved into assisted care. It was a bit hard, since my grandma didn't want to part with all that stuff, but she couldn't take it ALL with her.
They gave most of it away. I think their job would have been way harder if my grandmother would not have been still living, like in your case

You could keep a lot of the little things though, couldn't you?

There are things of my brother's that my mother just can't give away, like a certain shirt he always wore or his fishing poles. It's natural....but I think a walker or wheelchair is good to donate. I mean does that bring you fond memories of her? If it does then don't part with it until you can. Everyone is different.

First of all

Like Carrie said everyone is different.

My father died when I was 18...don't have a lot of assecoires (sp?) from him besides records and some old pics..

My mum died when I was 30...I miss her very much I miss picking up the phone and tell her that I fucked up diner and so

People keep telling me it will get beter but it's been almost 12 yrs now and I still have my moments of missing her

I cannot give her clothes away to the Red Cross or anything her smell is still there...

So what I was trying to say...give yourself time (and there's no limit )

My mother passed away in 1998 and until recently I still had silly things like her electric bills stored in a box in the basement.
The only way I gave them up was because our landlord was an asshole who refused to get the plumbing repaired properly, hence the basement was flooded and everything was lost
Now, my mother had a prosthetic arm as well from an accident she was in when she was 8 and lost her arm, one of my brothers has it. I did look after it for a little while

AndGodCreatedMe said:

A few months ago, my mom past away from Cancer. I can't even describe the feeling but it's rather empty.

The house is the same as she left it. My sisters and brothers all visit but we haven't removed anything.

I can understand holding on to things.

AlienX2050 said:

Stymie said:

Thx love.

Now get ur ass overhere

when my mom died last september, i had to clear out her apartment and it was difficult. fortunately, her friends helped me and i was able to divvy out lots of her belongings to people who would value them. also, a former co-worker of my mom's did me a huge favor by hauling out all her furniture and donating it to a needy family he knew.

i took a lot of my mom's stuff, though probably not as much as most people would keep. i set aside the things that meant something to me - the things that i felt defined our relationship. i kept all her vinyl records, a bunch of her books, a lot of her movies, and as much of her jewelry as i could find. my best friend even sorted out all her jewelry and paired up all her earrings and arranged everything nicely.

i don't know what to do with some of the stuff but i know my mom's jewelry meant the world to her, so i couldn't just discard it. same with her records - some of them i'll keep, and some of them i'm thinking of selling or donating - but it's hard, because all the scratches and dog-eared covers came from years of my mom enjoying that music, and it's hard to just get rid of.

i don't think there's any law saying you have to get rid of these things by a certain time. when it's okay to let go of it, you will. things like walkers, wheelchairs, etc. - i didn't want that stuff anywhere near me because it reminded me of my mom's suffering. that kind of stuff was easy to get rid of. but the things that brought her joy, those are the things that will be hanging around a long time.

Like Carrie said, grief comes in many forms. My mom was a hoarder in a huuuuge house. It took us weeks to empty it five years ago; most big stuff went to a charity institution that sells the stuff cheaply.
Then we had a very hard day, splitting the rest between the four of us.

The stuff we did not know what to do with ended up in my appartment and it has been standing here as a reminder of what I miss. Something I do not want to be confronted with every day, so I readied it yesterday; my sister is coming to pick it up.

When my father died so many years ago, I held onto stuff SO long, but as I grew older I feel the need less to hold on to keepsakes and find I rather have the memory. So loads of my mom's stuff is getting packed up. And while doing so I realise that some things I do not even like; I just love them cuz they were my moms.

So, whatever you do, you'l find it gets easier with age, even the painful memories.

Anxiety said:

I'm curious. Did your mom suffer from Cancer? I won't be offended if you didn't answer. I'm just wondering if there are orgers who lost someone to Cancer.

.

I kept a few important things. I have some religious and cultural items that belonged to my godfather (my father's brother). He and my dad are half Italian and half Mohawk (one of the Iroquois Nations) and were raised Catholic. I have his rosary beads, and a Native American beaded necklace that was given to him by my grandfather.

i don't give them away... it's hard for me.
today marks 11 years since my grandfather passed away, and i still have a letter he wrote me when i was a little girl - i just read it not too long ago
i have earrings my friends mother gave us before she passed, i wear those almost everyday..

it's hard for me to part with those things...

HamsterHuey said:

I don't have anything of my mom's besides some pictures. But I have her smile so I am reminded of her everyday.

Stymie said:

purrrr
That's all you need, really, innit?
Big hug back.

To everybody on the org who has lost a loved one. I can understand wanting to hold on to something that belonged to a loved one who is now gone. It carries a lot of sentimental value, you know?

when my great grandmother passed away in 2002 I was living many states away from her. Months before she passed she was put into a nursing home at age 96 after living alone previously. When she went into the nursing home my aunt went into her house and gave almost everything of hers away.
My dad ended up with a few things of hers after a long battle with my aunt. My dad was kind enough to send me a few small things of hers which I will cherish forever. She took care of me everyday when I was younger and then was my dearest friend when I grew up.
The hardest part for me was knowing that they did not have a service for her, had her ashes cremated and did not want the ashes. So when she passed, I would have gone up for her funeral but they did nothing for her.
I had no way to say goodbye to her. So since then when my dad has sent little things of hers to me, I just make sure to keep them out to remember her by. I also made up a picture colleague of pics of her that I always kept hanging on my wall.


I think everyone grieves different. Do not let anyone tell you what you should do with your loved ones belongings. You have to do what you feel comfortable doing when it is right for you.

Sorry for everyone's lost. I lost my grandmother and I have purse of hers.She use to keep tissue in her purse for comfort or just when she needed it. She also had a compact that she kept. I still have that little bag and it's been over 10 years. I can't give it away b/c when i open it. I can still smell her smell. call me wiered or whatever but i guess it being closed for so long, it just stays the same. i would never think of getting rid of it. I miss my grandma

shanti0608 said:

People grieve in their own way and their own time, you will know when it is right to let go, some stuff you will always keep.

Stymie said:

I just cannot believe that someone as wonderful as her that lived until the day after her 97th b-day could be disrespected so much by her money hungry family and not get a funeral.
Nothing! It pisses me off to this day and that was 2002.
Family

shanti0608 said:

Wherever she is she knows you love her, that is all that matters and now WE have somewhere to go and remember those that made us

for you both

mdiver said:

Thanks!

To everyone who has lost someone special

AlienX2050 said:

No, she died of complications from diabetes.

Sometimes even the smallest of things are hard to give up. My grandmother passed away last year. She had MS. We donated walker and wheelchair. I kept a lot of things just because they make me feel like she's near. In your own time you will decide what you need to do with belongings.

With my recent experience with death, my heart goes out to this thread.

I'm so in the mix with this right now.

I have several plants from home that I repotted.

.
[Edited 7/16/08 9:49am]

AlienX2050 said:

I lost both my nephew and grandfather to cancer.

Yeah, i know the feeling.
All i can say is you'll be ready to part with those things when you're ready.
I've still got a bunch of my dad's clothing and stuff that i should donate, but i'm not ready to part with them yet. So i won't.

AlienX2050 said:

My sister died from cancer...my aunt did as well.