I think I'm long overdue to share some words of homespun wit and wisdom with all of my beloved sisters and brothers of Orgland.

When I was growing up in the Rocky Mountains and spending my winters at boarding school in Austria, I would always carry around a list my step-grand-mama hand wrote of things that I should never remember to forget when life is at its darkest bleak moments. I'll never forget that list. She wrote it on the back of a TV Guide cover. TJ Hooker was on the other side.

I accidentally ruined that list when I forgot it was folded in the pocket of my poncho and it got ruined in the laundry. Now it's just a moist little lump of lint I keep in a vial and sometimes I like to take it out of the walk-in freezer and just ruminate on it for a few hours.

Anyway, here's what I remember from the list. I hope you don't mind that I updated it a little:

1. You're not dead.

You may be miserable and you may wish you were dead, but you know what? You're alive. You have options. You may wake up tomorrow thinking things aren't quite so bad, or you might still be really depressed but you'll remember you have like 5 unwatched episodes of "Lost" on your Tivo or DVR, and ending it all is going to have to wait another day because right now you've got to find out what happens with Jack and Kate. You'd never find out if you weren't alive. Even if you could watch TV after you die, who are you going to call and scream "OH MY GOD!" to? Think about it.

2. You don't smell bad.

Okay, let's say you DO stink to high heavens. At least you can do something about it. Deodorize. Wash that ass. Rub some orange peel over your smelly parts. Get creative. But really, chances are you don't smell bad. You either take the time to smell really good or you just don't smell like anything and that's really the way to be, because if you over-perfume yourself you're liable to make someone sick (and if you are guilty of that, simply cut down on your perfume application, PLEASE).

3. You're (probably) not a potential Democratic presidential candidate.

Seriously. That can't be fun. You're better off.

4. You're on the Org!

Your internet hasn't been shut off, or if it has, you've found alternate methods to go online. And you don't think you're an achiever???

5. If you think hard enough about it, nothing really has meaning anyway.

I'm not going to pretend like I can offer lessons in existential thought, but if Sartre were here right now, he'd agree with me. Ultimately, one can argue that life is meaningless, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing! It just means that you get a bit more creative control over what you want YOUR meaning to be. It's kind of like waking up to your own personal scribble pad every day. Neat!

6. You can always change your hairstyle. ALWAYS.

Nobody can take that away from you. And really, nothing is more liberating than walking into a salon and saying "TAKE IT ALL OFF" and walking out with a shorn-ass head of no hair. Try it sometime. Try it this weekend!

7. For the next two minutes, I guarantee you are going to be very happy if you will only watch the following clip:



if that did not make you happy for at least a few seconds, watch it again.

8. This is NOT an Imago thread!

Because, well, you know.

I mean, I'm a pretty tolerant guy. But come on.


Thank you. Have a lovely weekend.


We probably shouldn't hug.

is that one kitten nursing off of the unicorn???

roodboi said:

yes, i do believe that one kitten is indeed sucking unicorn teat.

thank god you put that Tina clip in there!

R3V said:

it saves lives.

Anxiety said:

that's acceptance and tolerance at it's finest my friend...

Anxiety said:

threads too?!

Anxiety said:

R3V said:

ummmm yeah, i don't know if we should put that much on tina's shoulders.

Anxiety said:

Agreed with all points. I keep thinking as long as I'm alive, all the mistakes I made yesterday I can fix tomorrow. Life is such a gift; thats the reason why I posted that vid.

"When you see the morning, and the sun is shinin' brightly
add joy and the blessings, cause the ground is not above me.
And for the people who truly say do love me, I feel, positivity"

As for the stinky part, I have AXE and thats supposed to make u irresistable to the opposite sex. I THINK.

As for my hair.. I do need to get the mofo styled =P

Then, damn, those legs. Very hawt.

Love this thread <3

ThreadBare said:

is that puppy real? he looks like a stuffed animal!

i think saying that we can all feel the love in this thread is a bit of an overstatement, but i think it's safe to say that we can all detect the love, or at least the potential of love-like residue.

CoolTarik1 said:

Axe promotes the practice of colonge showering instead of real showering.

drop the axe spray, it's no good!

Anxiety said:

your truss thread was very positive and loving. i felt the love, didn't you?

CoolTarik1 said:

i do believe that tina manages to shake her shimmy and do jazz hands at the same time in that clip.

for that reason alone, she should get some kind of major lifetime achievement award.

Anxiety said:

right! but if i'm honest, i only ever say things that might warrant a hug so that my crotch can touch another crotch. it's how i "feel the love" ya know?

JasmineFire said:

Anxiety said:

Damn whats the name of this video under YouTube? I've seen this before but what the title was.

JasmineFire said:

i have to be honest, i had a little bit of acid reflux going on so there could have been love going on last night but i wouldn't have felt it.

ThreadBare said:

what? he's adorable!

missfee said:

"Opening Act - Ike & Tina Revue"

R3V said:

if dogs can smell each others asses when they do meet and greets, then you know what? tap that peen.

Anxiety said:

you need to take care of that GURD.

Anxiety said:

some men think with their penises. mine's more like antennae.

Anxiety said:

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

missfee said:

you're very welcome. i want it projected on a billboard outside my window and played on a loop 24/7.