XxAxX said:

Good advice, but I can't stand to even be with her, for even a short amount of time.

Always.

psychodelicide said:

oh. if you feel that strongly then don't go!

XxAxX said:

I think I'm going to get out of it. I hate to lie, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Could you just not lie and just honestly say thank you but No, I would rather not attend at this time

Could you just not lie and just honestly say thank you but No, I would rather not attend at this time

psychodelicide said:

the words "prior commitment" are not a lie, and can mean just about anything really. a prior commitment to doing laundry, to having a nap, or eating an entire bag of M & Ms for example

Mach said:

Easier said than done. As I said above, my family is close-knit, so it's hard for me to say no without making it sound like I just don't want to be with them. Knowing them, they'd be very upset/angry/disappointed. But on the other hand. I am a grown-ass woman, and I should be able to do what I want to do.

Mach said:

psychodelicide said:

idk why but that part had me cracking up

Mach said:

XxAxX said:

Mach < does not play well with others

XxAxX said:

Mach < does not play well with others

I am a grown-ass woman, and I should be able to do what I want to do. And not allow others power over me to pressure me into doing something I REALLY do NOT want to do - PERIOD !

I am a grown-ass woman, and I should be able to do what I want to do. And not allow others power over me to pressure me into doing something I REALLY do NOT want to do - PERIOD ![/quote]


EXACTLY !!

Mach said:

psychodelicide said:

It's actually a good thing cuz see I am not into playing games by their rules

Mach said:

Easier said than done. As I said above, my family is close-knit, so it's hard for me to say no without making it sound like I just don't want to be with them. Knowing them, they'd be very upset/angry/disappointed. But on the other hand. I am a grown-ass woman, and I should be able to do what I want to do.

psychodelicide said:

This was my point earlier, I don't understand why you have to lie OR explain why you don't want to go.

I don't think you really have to make any excuses. Go to the first gathering and then, when it's breaking up, just say, "Sorry...but I've got to be getting back. It was great seeing you all!" and then leave. Don't get into any discussion about it. Just go.

Okay, here's the situation: my family and I are going to Pennsylvania at the end of this month to attend a family reunion on my father's side. I'm not too thrilled about it, since I don't see these people very often (just once a year, if I'm lucky). Not only that, the reunions are kinda boring.

But the real kicker is the day after my father's family reunion, my cousin (on my mom's side of the family) wants to have a gathering at her house. This cousin that I mentioned used to be very close to me, and I to her, but our relationship has changed a lot. She used to be someone who I could tell anything and everything too, but my feelings for her have drastically changed. My cousin has talked about me several times behind my back to my brothers, which I'm still not happy about. Long story short, she's a backstabbing, gossipy bitch who cannot be trusted. I don't want to go to her house, because I really don't like her, and I can't stand there and smile at her, acting like everything is okay, when it isn't. I just can't be fake about it, since it's not my style to be phony. I like to be honest and true to my feelings.

So am I in the wrong for not wanting to go to my cousin's house? I know the rest of my immediate family will be there (my parents and my brothers with their families), but I will see them a couple of days afterwards. We are going to a baseball game, so it's not like I won't be seeing my family at all.
[Edited 7/8/08 18:59pm]

Could you just not lie and just honestly say thank you but No, I would rather not attend at this time

psychodelicide said:

If you're over 18 there's no way you can be wrong for following your true feelings. I've lied to get out of many a family gathering. My mom's side of the family is female dominated and every time they have their "little" gatherings I get a case of the runs. If you're not comfortable being around certain people, regardless if they're family or not, stay the fuck away.

Mach said:

Family has a way of killing you with guilt. It's not easy being honest about certain things with them, especially family gatherings.

I've definitely been known to...er... "manipulate reality" to get out of spending time with my wife's extended family.

I don't flat-out lie, but I certainly go hunting for other "obligations" that preclude me from showing up at certain affairs.

If you really don't want to go, don't go.. and you needn't feel bad about it given the reasoning you provided. And you don't need to lie. I should hope, though, that at some point you can muster the strength, courage, forgiveness (and whatever else it takes) to present the issue to your cousin and reconcile. [Edited 7/9/08 13:57pm]

Psych, don't lie...you don't have to and shouldn't and it only makes things worse. You said that you will be able to see your family a few weeks later at a basketball game so enjoy that time together with all of them! You're mom won't like the fact that you are not going but guess what she will get over it and still love you because she is your mom! Do not be afraid to just tell her no, I am not going. She will deal with it,she's lived a lot longer than you have so believe me it's not like she hasn't had something like this happen before. lol

And while your at it pray for your cousin to be able to do what's right in the future and to talk to you instead of talking about you. Eventually this situation should be worked out some how, because tension between family or friends just isn't good! Last but not least try to forgive your cousin for her actions. I know you feel hurt by it,but maybe you can let go of those feelings.

You can always stop over here that day and help me fix up the house. Oh what fun!