YES!

And if I can't escape, I lie to everybody else telling them the folks they saw me with were not my family, but indeed a rather uninspired Toast Masters group.

Okay, here's the situation: my family and I are going to Pennsylvania at the end of this month to attend a family reunion on my father's side. I'm not too thrilled about it, since I don't see these people very often (just once a year, if I'm lucky). Not only that, the reunions are kinda boring.

But the real kicker is the day after my father's family reunion, my cousin (on my mom's side of the family) wants to have a gathering at her house. This cousin that I mentioned used to be very close to me, and I to her, but our relationship has changed a lot. She used to be someone who I could tell anything and everything too, but my feelings for her have drastically changed. My cousin has talked about me several times behind my back to my brothers, which I'm still not happy about. Long story short, she's a backstabbing, gossipy bitch who cannot be trusted. I don't want to go to her house, because I really don't like her, and I can't stand there and smile at her, acting like everything is okay, when it isn't. I just can't be fake about it, since it's not my style to be phony. I like to be honest and true to my feelings.

So am I in the wrong for not wanting to go to my cousin's house? I know the rest of my family will be there, but I will see them a couple of days afterwards. We are going to a baseball game, so it's not like I won't be seeing my family at all.

if you don't feel comfortable being there, you shouldn't go. if you feel especially obligated to at least put in an appearance, you should make up some kind of "escape plan" that will let you make a hasty exit.

but if you feel like you have an option of not going and you don't feel comfortable, then don't go. if you can't "fake" civil feelings for this person, don't let your presence bring tension to everyone else who will be there, you know?

psychodelicide said:

Is it some way possible to tell this snicky little bitch how you feel? If so, tell her and still go to her house. Be cool when you tell her but don't give a shit what she says. Now if she says don't come to my crib...that's cool. You probably need to tell her what you know. Life is too short to waste time. This isn't starting crap/

AlienX2050 said:

See, I don't want to confront her on this (even though I know I should), because I know it would cause problems in the family. My cousin would be talking to everybody about it, saying, "OMG, I can't believe Nancy did that!" No thanks.

psychodelicide said:

Okay. But that's what I'd do and clear up the shit. If you don't clear it up, it'll still be in the air.

Teeee...heeee..

.
[Edited 7/8/08 18:27pm]

I've never lied. If I don't want to go I just don't. And if some one wants to know why I tell them

Anxiety said:

Aww, thanks, Anx. You are absolutely right! I just got a new, part-time job, and I'm thinking of telling my family, "Oops, sorry, I gotta work that weekend!" Evil, I know, but it is an escape plan.

psychodelicide said:

I'd use work as an excuse. But if you're grown and live on your own I don't see why you have to lie. No need to be rude but I wouldn't have any kind of problem sayin' "I ain't going cuz I don't want to. Now, what???" No explanation needed. I've never understood how grown folks are manipulated by their family into doing things they don't want to do.
[Edited 7/8/08 18:41pm]

I go to family gatherings for one reason

I have an uncle who is always drunk.
He'll show up in a tank top, basketball shorts and cowboy boots.
He will eat food, jump double dutch, then break dance with no music.

I just go to see that then im out.

Anxiety said:

Aww, thanks, Anx. You are absolutely right! I just got a new, part-time job, and I'm thinking of telling my family, "Oops, sorry, I gotta work that weekend!" Evil, I know, but it is an escape plan.

psychodelicide said:

it's not really evil. sometimes you get pushed into having to create an excuse because certain family members will pressure you otherwise and talk you into something you know you don't want to do. you know what it takes to navigate the situation tactfully and with a minimum of carnage. do whatcha gotta do!

SCNDLS said:

I like your attitude. My family is very close knit, so it's hard for me to say no without making it sound like I just don't want to be with them.

Okay, here's the situation: my family and I are going to Pennsylvania at the end of this month to attend a family reunion on my father's side. I'm not too thrilled about it, since I don't see these people very often (just once a year, if I'm lucky). Not only that, the reunions are kinda boring.

But the real kicker is the day after my father's family reunion, my cousin (on my mom's side of the family) wants to have a gathering at her house. This cousin that I mentioned used to be very close to me, and I to her, but our relationship has changed a lot. She used to be someone who I could tell anything and everything too, but my feelings for her have drastically changed. My cousin has talked about me several times behind my back to my brothers, which I'm still not happy about. Long story short, she's a backstabbing, gossipy bitch who cannot be trusted. I don't want to go to her house, because I really don't like her, and I can't stand there and smile at her, acting like everything is okay, when it isn't. I just can't be fake about it, since it's not my style to be phony. I like to be honest and true to my feelings.

So am I in the wrong for not wanting to go to my cousin's house? I know the rest of my immediate family will be there (my parents and my brothers with their families), but I will see them a couple of days afterwards. We are going to a baseball game, so it's not like I won't be seeing my family at all.
[Edited 7/8/08 18:59pm]

psychodelicide said:

Ummmmm, but you don't. My family knows I'm crazy and when I've had enough of 'em I'ma tell 'em and roll out. But I love 'em though, I just have to take them in measured doses. They just shrug and say, "You know how she is."

See if you can spend the whole afternoon only telling fibs

Say nothing that is actually true

psychodelicide said:

i did not read ur whole post yet..but..YES..yes i have!
[Edited 7/8/08 21:17pm]

SCNDLS said:

But I don't what? Guess I'm not understanding the first sentence of your post.

psychodelicide said:

Sorry. Don't want to be with them at this event.

Okay, here's the situation: my family and I are going to Pennsylvania at the end of this month to attend a family reunion on my father's side. I'm not too thrilled about it, since I don't see these people very often (just once a year, if I'm lucky). Not only that, the reunions are kinda boring.

But the real kicker is the day after my father's family reunion, my cousin (on my mom's side of the family) wants to have a gathering at her house. This cousin that I mentioned used to be very close to me, and I to her, but our relationship has changed a lot. She used to be someone who I could tell anything and everything too, but my feelings for her have drastically changed. My cousin has talked about me several times behind my back to my brothers, which I'm still not happy about. Long story short, she's a backstabbing, gossipy bitch who cannot be trusted. I don't want to go to her house, because I really don't like her, and I can't stand there and smile at her, acting like everything is okay, when it isn't. I just can't be fake about it, since it's not my style to be phony. I like to be honest and true to my feelings.

So am I in the wrong for not wanting to go to my cousin's house? I know the rest of my immediate family will be there (my parents and my brothers with their families), but I will see them a couple of days afterwards. We are going to a baseball game, so it's not like I won't be seeing my family at all.
[Edited 7/8/08 18:59pm]

psychodelicide said:

i would compromise. go to her house and stay for only a short amount of time. claim a prior committment (the commitment you made to your own personal sanity ) and leave as soon as possible.

i've used every excuse in the book to get out of those :mouthma: