Okay, last week my friend and I went to a happy hour for our alma mater. We talked to 3 guys most of the evening, and ended up going out to dinner with two (the third went home to his wife). After dinner (everyone put money in) my friend went home, and I went out for more drinks with the two guys because I fucking hate my job. Guy #2 leaves after one drink and guy #1 and I stay out for another drink. He buys the first round, I buy the second. Then we part ways--no kissing or anything--just exchange of business cards.

Earlier in the evening, my friend was telling guy #1 he should apply for a job at her company. So a week goes by and I email him to say, "hey I was talking to my friend and she mentioned you should check out her company. Hope you had a nice weekend."

So he writes back within an hour and asks me about my weekend, etc. Then he writes, "It was good meeting you that evening. We should grab a drink one of these days in the neighborhood - the weather is finally starting to get to be somewhat manageable...."

Okay, so what does this mean? I think it is code for a non-datey date, like "hey have a drink b/c it was nice talking to you but I'm not really interested" but my friend thinks it is not-code for a real date.

It's not a date

go out but don't think about it. just alow things to progress naturally to where ever they end up going.

Only one way to really find out. He could mean a date or maybe not.

Go out with him and see how it goes!

But wait, if he asks you out for a drink...he's interested. Men don't actively ask women out just for shits and giggles.

Give him your number and tell him to give you a call if he wants to meet up. If he calls....he's into you...or at least wants to see if he's into you.

If he's not interested, he won't call.

JustErin said:

True




True, too...

He is thinking date.

JustErin said:

Ooooh, I like this idea. That puts the ball back into his court. I hate being the one who has to make decisions when other people are involved (indecisive Gemini hazard).

Although maybe he is not interested because he did have my email too; but I am the one that emailed him first. Plus he works for a very big, well-known finance company in New York, those types are always trying to "network" with people (although I have nothing to offer business wise).

I guess if he calls, I'll just look at it as free alcohol!

Hmm.. maybe he's just an alcoholic looking for a new drinking buddy.

MuaPetahl said:

If it's a date, why go out to a bar to get drunk?

What happened to flowers, dinner and dancing?

Don't worry about it too much. Just go and have fun. If you two vibe really well you will figure it out.

How will you ever know if you don't go and see? What have you to loose?

I really don't think it's a date, but go and have fun...
you won't know otherwise.

MuaPetahl said:

Excellent! j/k. Actually when we went to the bar after dinner, they both only had one beer, but I had a second one by myself. (Did I mention I was really hating my job that day?! )

luv4u said:

Flowers, dinner, and dancing is so *not* my style. I'm not really the type of girl who likes all that society-approved "The Bachelor" date kind of stuff. And that's way too much for a first date. Dude doesn't even know what kind of flowers I like! (Trick question! I don't really like flowers...lol). I think "having a drink" is the equivalent of "getting a cup of coffee" for the after-work hours. You have the chance to talk (unlike going to a movie) and don't have to worry about eating (which I hate doing in front of people I don't really know). I will only go on a work night, thus having an excuse to not get drunk and leave early if it's horribly awkward. This, of course, based on the premise he actually calls and asks me!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I get so unbelievably nervous on dates. They absolutely terrify me. I start overthinking everything, what to say, what to do, what if he likes me, etc. Giving a tour in front of complete strangers in a world-famous museum? No problem. An innocuous drink with a regular guy? Terrifying!


ps. Thanks Roodboi, Mars23 and ehuffnsd for the guy point of view. (Sorry if I missed any other guys--I didn't know you were guys! )

luv4u said:

A-yo: clip that, clip that.

luv4u said:

Plying her with intoxicants is at least as likely or more likely to produce the desired results...THE PANTIES.

So first he stays alone with you for another drink, then you tell him to call your friend, and he replies within an hour and asks YOU for another drink (again alone)?

Then he is interested. Mayby not sure yet what he wants exactly, or maybe so, but interested to see what else you got, yeah definitely.

-
[Edited 6/24/08 1:36am]

roodboi said:

I think he's leaving the ball in your court, trying to figure out what you meant when you sent the email to him, i.e. whether you're interested in him. I guess you must be a little bit interested otherwise you wouldn't have emailed him, so why not meet up and see what happens?

He's probably shy. I think that's a date request.

luv4u said:

Meeting for a drink doesn't mean get shitfaced.

I think those have a drink on the patio dates are the best.

If someone gave me flowers on a date, I'd be sooooo turned off.

JustErin said:

Agreed!

It's a perfectly good chance to see if you like each other without a lot of pressure. If it's lame after one drink you can both leave. If you're having a great time you can stretch it into dinner or whatever else.

It sounds like he is requesting a date but doesn't want to come across as to pushy or needy. Go out, have fun, and consider it a "trail date" used to determine if you both then want to commit to a "real date."

And yes, if he wasn't interested in at least finding out if his interested(i.e. learning more about you) he would have never made the drinks request.
[Edited 6/24/08 7:18am]

Okay so what do I write when I email him back? "A drink sounds great, give me a call sometime: 777-9311." <--not my real number, unfortunately.

Mars23 said:

Please---last week I had no less than 6 beers and 2 glasses of wine throughout the evening. It takes more than alcohol (or hard liquor at least) for that result!




.
[Edited 6/24/08 7:46am]

DevotedPuppy said:

Yup.

DevotedPuppy said:

"A drink sounds great, give me a call sometime: 777-9311. I really enjoyed hanging out with you last week . It was fun . Look forward to meeting up again. And if things go really well I know a perfect place behind the bar where we can like monkies. "

Give me a buzz.

(the last sentence may be too much but I say go for it )

I would just say back, "Drinks sound like a great idea. Gimme a call when you're free."...with number added. I wouldn't say much more. It's simple and to the point.

If he is interested, he'll definitely call.

luv4u said:

agree

I've been out on a bunch of "non-date dates"
and they usually lead to great friendships

...but hey, you never know. Maybe you guys will click and the next time out will be a date-date

Do it! Everyone here has already said it. Check it out and see, you may have a wonderful time.

It's all so exciting.

thekidsgirl said:

I've never been on non-date dates with guys I've just met.

I find it difficult to believe that a guy would actively pursue a woman just to be their friend.

Not a date. Could be interested, but not a date. Could be wanting to get to know you better, but what he proposed is not a date. I think though perhaps a date might come of it. If you go, and you like this guy, at the end askhim on a date or for something a little more official, like dinner.

No need to rush.

DevotedPuppy said:

Stop thinking about it too much.