A friend emailed this to me, and it brought a knowing smile to my face:

CHILDREN - You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.
~~~

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
~~~

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
~~~

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
~~~

We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!
~~~

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

As Adam and his boys (Cain and Abel?) walked past the former Garden of Eden, which was in a very run-down and decrepit state, his sons asked him, "What is that place?" "That, my boys," Adam replied, "is where your mother ate us out of house and home."